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Chapter Five: Time 1.1

by LadyMysterio


James blinked. Setting foot out into an unfamiliar landscape of stone walls and cobblestoned street. Verena stumbled beside him, catching her foot on a stone. He grasped her bicept. Catching her as he gazed around.

This place and time was grey-coated in a layer of water, cloud cover indicating it had rained. There were spots of bright yellow leaves scattered about. Pushed here and there by the wind. It was autumn here. Where ever here was. He recalled the file he'd memorized. Their destination was a manor called Houndsworth Manor. An elegant establishment of stone and stature. Outside the town of Mannington, in a little country named Belacruv.

"We must be in some sort of courtyard,' Verena picked up two leather suitcases. Both of which were already packed and placed beside her," These must be mine."

James reached for his and took one of hers." hey I'm your butler, remember"

I don't think you're my butler exactly, James. Ah, what is your name now?"

"Whatever I am then, " he paused. Then faced her, puffed out his chest, and said thickly, "Chadwick Rodsworth, at your service ma'am. Milady. Whatever."

Verena bit her cheek to keep from bursting out laughing," that's.. fitting."

"Speak for yourself. Vanessa Parker," he turned and Verena followed suit

"That's Miss Parker to you, Chadwick."

"Fine."

A voice echoed from the walls. Both agents turned their attention to an opening in the stone wall. "Miss Parker!, Miss Parker?"

James tilted his head in the direction of the call," I believe that's you Miz Parker?"

He watched Veena gather herself, and assume her character, and she responded, "here!"

Her voice still had its assertive nature but it had softened. Into something almost motherly. In the way of one who was used to being listened to. But kind.

James trailed after her, attempting to look like an attendant as best as he knew how. A teenage boy appeared from the corner. Almost ramming into Verena, James studied him curiously. He looked younger then he probably was. A boy donning a cap and simple brown garments. What James assumed to be the working class uniform for boys.

The boy stumbled into a clumsy bow, "Miss Parker! My apologies," he backed away from Verena," We was looking for you."

James stepped forward with his luggage. Whoever this boy was, he hadn't been mentioned in their file. Not to mention he didn't have a clue what 'We" entailed. Best find out as inconspicuous as possible.

"Where shall I bring Miss Parkers things?"

The boy looked at him now," Oh, you can take them to the foray, where the rest of them are, Marie will tell you where." He started walking off along the wall.

James glanced at Verena, who started after this mysterious boy. He huffed and adjusted his grip on the luggage, trotting along after them. He was gonna have some arm muscles after this mission.

The boy lead them around the wall, to another much larger entryway in the wall, and into another courtyard. This one was right in front of the manor. James presumed that this was the more formal, tidy-looking courtyard. The one they'd landed in was where the stables and carriages were kept.

The Castle was rather impressive. Sporting a dulled yellow colour, with grey stone trimming and detailing. It was small as castles went if a castle could even be considered small in any way. James figured it was not much larger than the manor from their last mission. But far less modern-looking. It wasn't the atypical mediaeval-style castle, it had a more German style to it. With a base of large shape with smaller towers or spiers branching off.

Either way, hopefully, this one didn't go up in flames. He wondered why the other one did, Until the hem of Verena's skirt started ascending. He then realized he'd been staring at the ground, and stood at the base of the steps to the castle

He groaned, steps, wonderful. He watched Verena elegantly ascend them. Glancing back at him when she reached the large wooden double doors, then turned. Expecting him to hurry up. He felt slightly offended that she'd seemingly left him behind. He supposed this was part of their current position difference.

After a treacherous trip up the stairs. James stepped though the wide-open dark wooden doors Verena had disappeared through. Yet Verena was nowhere in sight. Nor was the boy who'd lead them here. James set down the suitcases and stretched his arms. The floor he stood on had gone from stone steps to polished marble floors. He cautiously slid one shoe around, afraid he might slip.

"Don't worry, their only an ice rink in the winter." Heels clacked towards him.

His head shot up. Gaze landed on a rather prime woman heading towards him. Who somehow came from an unknown doorway. He guessed it was hidden in the massize stairccase that took over most of the rear of the room.

"oh um. " He cleared his thouht,"i was just wondering where Miss, ah Miss Parkers new, Quarters where located." He pointed to the suitcases on either side of him,"i ahve her things."

"ah yes ou must be her butler."

Jamess ears perked at the familiar word, recalling it within the ission folder,"yes, that is me. Chadwich Rodsworth. Lolvley to make you aquiantece." HE smiled up at the woman, who had now come to a stop on front of him. She looked to be middle aged. With large glolwing golden eyes. Her Shinging charcoal hair pulled back in a tight simple updo.

The same to you Mr Rodsworth, I am Lauthsly, the head maid of the manor. Miss Parkers chambers are just up here.

James bent and picked up the suitcaes again and she waved her hand towards the staircase. SHe set off at a brisk pace up the stairs. The stride of one whod taken that trip a milllion times. James figured he'd soon be able to set that pae,. But fot eh time being he was practically runninig to catch up with here, nearly tripping on the steps.

James crested the top of the stairs and set the suitcases own, strecthing his back,"oh boy." then realized that Miss Lauthsly was already far down the left hall way. He picked up the suitcases again, scrambeleing to catch up. He hugged the cases in to his body. trying not to bump the narrow hallway walls. Nor he various expensive looking paintinsg or decorations desplayed within it.

" Mr Chadwick, such cuious ccents both you and the Lady have, where are you both from agin."

"ah we are from" he breathlessly gasped," From Dothmire, a small town rather far away."

"hum, i havent heard of it." She swiftly turned a corner.

"yes, well its rather small."

Miss Lauthsly hummed in response. They continued in what was a awkwards scilnce for James, he wasnt ure if it was awkwards for her. He wrinkeled his eyebrows as he caught a wiff of, something. Paistries? he lcked his lips, suddenly wondering if he'd left behind something in his time.

"Do you have, ah, do you have Donuts in this counrty?"

The head maid peered at him over her shouler,"im not familiar ith the word, what are they?"

"thier a pasrty we have in our counrty. a sweet dough thats risen, then shaped into a circle and fried. Commonly covered in chocolate."

He watched her consider this for a moment. finally she replised,"i do not reconzie this, parhaps you shall have to bring some, someday."

He frowned,"parhaps."

James decided he'd have to pay the hosue chef a visit and teach him the art of donut makig. Or possibly the pastery chef. Whoever so made the pasteryie sin this house.

James pulled the suitcases back to avoid hitting Miss Lauthsly. She cae o abrupt stop in front of a pair of intrciatly carved double doors. She rapped on them sharply then quickly stepped back, neary tripped james as he stepped out of her way.

"this is Miss parkers quarters?"

She nodded,"your will be just down at that door there." She pointed to a doorway at the end of a hall that lead left from the double doors. "far enough away its appropreate, but cose enough your avilible if she is in need of your services."

e nodded, he woudlnt have to go up and down the stairs everytime Verena needed him then. Brilliant. He raised an eyebrow. He'dbeen here ten minutes and the lingo was already starting to invate his thoughts. He coudlnt remeber the last time hed though of the word "brilliant, much less said it out loud. "Brilliant." he tasted the word, liking the way it rolled off his touge.

"pardon?" The head maid turned her head to him.

He'd gotton lost in his head," oh, sorry. its just, im very happy with the quarters you given me."

She smiled and rapped on the heavy doors again


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Sun Jun 02, 2024 3:21 pm
goodolnoah wrote a review...



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Hello there, one of King Koopa’s loyal henchmen, here!

Hello again! ~ Writing Commentary

This place and time was grey-coated in a layer of water, cloud cover indicating it had rained. There were spots of bright yellow leaves scattered about. Pushed here and there by the wind. It was autumn here. Where ever here was. He recalled the file he'd memorized. Their destination was a manor called Houndsworth Manor. An elegant establishment of stone and stature. Outside the town of Mannington, in a little country named Belacruv.


I really like this description! It allows us to get right into the action, and acts as an introduction to Belacruv to both the reader and James! I feel like the season being autumn, the clouds, and the gray coating of rain is added to make it seem like they’ve been shot back into one of those black and white TV shows from way back when.

"Whatever I am then, " he paused. Then faced her, puffed out his chest, and said thickly, "Chadwick Rodsworth, at your service ma'am. Milady. Whatever."
Verena bit her cheek to keep from bursting out laughing," that's.. fitting."


Aww, I really like this dialogue exchange here. It’s awesome that they are both able to kind of “roll” with this idea of going back in time. Now that the shock’s passed, it makes sense that they can sort of make fun of the absurdity of the situation.

The Castle was rather impressive. Sporting a dulled yellow colour, with grey stone trimming and detailing. It was small as castles went if a castle could even be considered small in any way. James figured it was not much larger than the manor from their last mission. But far less modern-looking. It wasn't the atypical medieval-style castle, it had a more German style to it. With a base of large shape with smaller towers or spiers branching off.


I like that you reference the castle as having a “german” style to it. It gives us another hint that this mission seemed to be taking place in germany. I like how we get to see James take a moment to admire the castle. This is in character for him, since he’s the one who's been so excited about this mission.

Some recommendations…

I will apologize in advance if I usually opt to show the revised recommendation rather than explain it. I know my grammar fundamentals, but I don’t quite remember all the word-like associations that come with them. Hopefully a visual way of showing them is fine!

He grasped her bicept


I think you mean “He grasped her bicept

James reached for his and took one of hers." hey I'm your butler, remember"


You may want to rephrase James’ statement as “hey, I’m your butler, remember?”

He watched Veena gather herself, and assume her character, and she responded, "here!"


Looks like you misspelled Verena’s name here. You can also axe the second usage of and as well as the comma. Perhaps it could look like this?

“He watched Verena gather herself and assume her character. She responded, “here!”

Her voice still had its assertive nature but it had softened. Into something almost motherly. In the way of one who was used to being listened to. But kind.


This here would probably be better if you added commas instead of periods, since these aren’t really separate actions, more like a sequence of events relating to Verena assuming character.

“Her voice still had its assertive nature, but it had softened into something almost motherly, like she was used to being obeyed.”

The boy stumbled into a clumsy bow, "Miss Parker! My apologies," he backed away from Verena," We was looking for you."


You might mean “We were looking for you.”

He guessed it was hidden in the massize stairccase that took over most of the rear of the room.


You might want to rephrase this as “He guessed it was hidden in the massive staircase that took over most of the rear of the room.”

"oh um. " He cleared his thouht,"i was just wondering where Miss, ah Miss Parkers new, Quarters where located." He pointed to the suitcases on either side of him,"i ahve her things."


You may want to rephrase this quote as…
“oh, um-” He cleared his throat, “I was just wondering where miss…Miss Parker’s new quarters were located.” He pointed to the suitcases on either side of him. “I have her things.”

Jamess ears perked at the familiar word, recalling it within the ission folder,"yes, that is me. Chadwich Rodsworth. Lolvley to make you aquiantece." HE smiled up at the woman, who had now come to a stop on front of him. She looked to be middle aged. With large glolwing golden eyes. Her Shinging charcoal hair pulled back in a tight simple updo.


You may want to rephrase this quote as…
“James’ ears perked at the familiar word, recalling it within the mission folder, “yes, that is me. Chadwick Rodsworth. Lovely to make your acquaintance.” He smiled at the woman, who had now come to a stop in front of him. She looked to be middle aged, with large, glowing golden eyes. Her shining charcoal hair pulled back in a tight, simple updo.

I actually really like this description, all things considered, just watch that pesky grammar!

The same to you Mr Rodsworth, I am Lauthsly, the head maid of the manor. Miss Parkers chambers are just up here.


Looks like you missed the quotation marks on this sentence.

James bent and picked up the suitcaes again and she waved her hand towards the staircase. SHe set off at a brisk pace up the stairs. The stride of one whod taken that trip a milllion times. James figured he'd soon be able to set that pae,. But fot eh time being he was practically runninig to catch up with here, nearly tripping on the steps.


You may want to rephrase this quote as…
“James bent and picked up the suitcases again and she waved her hand towards the staircase. She set off at a brisk pace up the stairs. The stride of one who'd taken the trip a million times. James figured he'd soon be able to set the pace, but for the time being he was practically running to catch up with her, nearly tripping on the steps.”

James crested the top of the stairs and set the suitcases own, strecthing his back,"oh boy." then realized that Miss Lauthsly was already far down the left hall way. He picked up the suitcases again, scrambeleing to catch up. He hugged the cases in to his body. trying not to bump the narrow hallway walls. Nor he various expensive looking paintinsg or decorations desplayed within it.


You may want to rephrase this quote as…
“James crested the top of the stairs and set the suitcases down, stretching his back,"oh boy." then realized that Miss Lauthsly was already far down the left hallway. He picked up the suitcases again, scrambling to catch up. He hugged the cases to his body. trying not to bump the narrow hallway walls, nor the various expensive-looking paintings or decorations displayed within.”

" Mr Chadwick, such cuious ccents both you and the Lady have, where are you both from agin."


You may want to rephrase this quote as…
"Mr Chadwick, such curious accents both you and the lady have, where are you both from again?"
Miss Lauthsly hummed in response. They continued in what was a awkwards scilnce for James, he wasnt ure if it was awkwards for her. He wrinkeled his eyebrows as he caught a wiff of, something. Paistries? he lcked his lips, suddenly wondering if he'd left behind something in his time.


You may want to rephrase this quote as…
“Miss Lauthsly hummed in response. They continued in what was a awkward silence for James, he wasn't sure if it was awkward for her. He wrinkled his eyebrow as he caught a whiff of something. Pastries? he licked his lips, suddenly wondering if he'd left something behind in his time.”

The head maid peered at him over her shouler,"im not familiar ith the word, what are they?"


You may want to rephrase this quote as…
The head maid peered at him over her shoulder, "I'm not familiar with the word, what are they?"

"thier a pasrty we have in our counrty. a sweet dough thats risen, then shaped into a circle and fried. Commonly covered in chocolate."


You may want to rephrase this quote as…
"their a pastry we have in our country. A sweet dough that's risen, then shaped into a circle and fried, commonly covered in chocolate."

He watched her consider this for a moment. finally she replised,"i do not reconzie this, parhaps you shall have to bring some, someday."

He frowned,"parhaps."


You may want to rephrase this quote as…
He watched her consider this for a moment. finally she replied,"I do not recognize this, perhaps you shall have to bring some, someday."

He frowned,"perhaps."

e nodded, he woudlnt have to go up and down the stairs everytime Verena needed him then. Brilliant. He raised an eyebrow. He'dbeen here ten minutes and the lingo was already starting to invate his thoughts. He coudlnt remeber the last time hed though of the word "brilliant, much less said it out loud. "Brilliant." he tasted the word, liking the way it rolled off his touge.


You may want to rephrase this quote as…
he nodded, he wouldn't have to go up and down the stairs everytime Verena needed him then, brilliant. He raised an eyebrow. He'd been here ten minutes and the lingo was already starting to invade his thoughts. He couldn't remember the last time he'd thought of the word "brilliant”, much less said it out loud. "Brilliant.'' He tasted the word, liking the way it rolled off the tongue.

The Castle ~ Closer

From what I read, it seems like you rushed this chapter towards the end. Please take your time writing, and comb over your grammar before moving on. I understood what was going on, but I felt rather distracted toward the end of this chapter because of the magnitude of grammar mistakes. I actually really thought your descriptions stood out here, but they were held back by the jumbled words.

Please don’t take this criticism as me disliking your story thus far! Please keep on writing, and I will keep the reviews coming!




LadyMysterio says...


Hi again! Thank you for all of the little rephrasing bits and whatnot! Ooh ok interesting about it being rushing originally it was written during NanoWritMo, so it probably was a bit rushed. I'll review it later once I get the rest of this story written.



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Sun Jun 02, 2024 4:34 am
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Spearmint wrote a review...



Hi Lady!! I'm here to attempt Team Tortoise, and to continue telling you my thoughts on this lovely work! (I feel like 80% of this review is just going to be reactions xD) Anyways, let's get right to it!

This place and time was grey-coated in a layer of water, cloud cover indicating it had rained. There were spots of bright yellow leaves scattered about. Pushed here and there by the wind. It was autumn here.

Oooooh nice description. I always enjoy imagining rainy landscapes. :D

"We must be in some sort of courtyard,' Verena picked up two leather suitcases. Both of which were already packed and placed beside her," These must be mine."

Okay, that's handy. Glad they've got some items and weren't just plunged into the past completely unprepared.

"Whatever I am then, " he paused. Then faced her, puffed out his chest, and said thickly, "Chadwick Rodsworth, at your service ma'am. Milady. Whatever."

LOL Chadwick XD

James trailed after her, attempting to look like an attendant as best as he knew how. A teenage boy appeared from the corner. Almost ramming into Verena, James studied him curiously. He looked younger then he probably was. A boy donning a cap and simple brown garments. What James assumed to be the working class uniform for boys.

The boy stumbled into a clumsy bow, "Miss Parker! My apologies," he backed away from Verena," We was looking for you."

This is a pretty minor thing, but I think having the description of the boy before his dialogue kind of interrupts the flow. Usually, when someone collides (or almost-collides) with someone else and apologizes, the apology comes within a matter of seconds, and so I expect it to immediately follow the near-collision when reading. To me, it was kind of funky to have James analyze the boy before the boy apologized. It felt like an awkward break in the action, if that makes sense. It might flow better to have the boy almost ram into Verena, apologize, then have James observe the boy right after his apology?
Also, again, I appreciate your attention to different dialects, like with the "We was" in this case! :D

It wasn't the atypical mediaeval-style castle, it had a more German style to it.

...Did you mean "wasn't the typical" instead of "wasn't the atypical"? >.>

He felt slightly offended that she'd seemingly left him behind. He supposed this was part of their current position difference.

Ahaha why do I get the feeling that Verena might leave James behind even when they don't have to pretend there's a status difference between them? xD

He guessed it was hidden in the massize stairccase that took over most of the rear of the room.

Just some typos here =P It should be "massive staircase" instead of "massize stairccase". (There are more typos in the following few paragraphs that Grammarly could hopefully catch, or Google Docs. Also let me know if this is too nitpicky, lol.)

The same to you Mr Rodsworth, I am Lauthsly, the head maid of the manor. Miss Parkers chambers are just up here.

And now to speculate whether Lauthsly is genuinely just an experienced maid, or another undercover agent, or someone with ulterior motives, or something else entirely... Ah, the life of a reader who has experienced too many plot twists. xD She seems nice enough so far, though. >.>

"Do you have, ah, do you have Donuts in this counrty?"

JAMES XD Not the best idea to mention modern foods while on a classified mission into the past, but, well, if it's about donuts...

James decided he'd have to pay the hosue chef a visit and teach him the art of donut makig. Or possibly the pastery chef. Whoever so made the pasteryie sin this house.

I would generally not advise tampering with the past, but I would be so entertained by this, haha.

Overall, this chapter was brilliant! ;D It was pretty chill, introducing some new characters and getting Verena and James settled in. I look forward to reviewing the others, especially as the action ramps up! Have a wonderful day/night =D




LadyMysterio says...


Thank you minty! I think that note on the bit who ran into Verena is a good idea. Actually reminds me, he comes in later in the story >.> And he's a child in that part. So this reminded me to update this part to him being a child XD only issue with writing novels is you forget little details if the past, whoops.

I do appreciate you being nitpicky on my grammar!! I think I'm going to stop using grammar, it has this habit of messing up my words/doubling them, for some reason. It does fix then, but at this point it's doing more bad than good.
Thank you again!



Spearmint says...


LOL i feel that so much XD i've forgotten my main character's name before ToT

okay awesome! and oof, that's not great... anyways, thanks for the reply!! :D see you soon with another review :p



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Fri May 31, 2024 12:15 pm
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...



Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shalt we commence with the mutated S’more?

Top Graham Cracker - Verena and James get sent to the past, James gets taken to his quarters. Disappointedly, donuts have not yet existed, so James will have to try and teach them about the treats.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - “He” was capitalized when he smiled at Miss Lauthsly. If it was intentional, then please ignore this.

Chocolate Bar - They seem to be falling into their roles well! Although, I like how James is upset that Verena went ahead of him. Though they have different positions, he still would care, because for the most part, they’re friends.

Closing Graham Cracker - James and Verena have made it to the past. They’re on their way to their mission, but mistakes happen a lot. Hopefully, nothing happens to disrupt their mission…

I wish you an amazing day/night! ^v^





Brain freezes are temporary, but milkshakes are forever.
— SilverNight