For those who don't know, confessional poetry focuses on the poet's feelings and experiences, however unpleasant or unbecoming, with emphasis on description and a disregard to structure and punctuation.
__________________________________________________________
I was your secret, wasn’t I, you darkness. In silence
and secret we met, inside these bone walls.
Swimming in thought and memory,
you priceless king of dusk and gloom!
Imagination tore the suffocating curtains drawn closed over this
window of blatant pleasure—a snow-globe world, all mine:
Shake, and the petals of my blooming heart glide,
feather-light but heavy laden with clinging shadow.
A dust famished for light, horny, bloodthirsty, it never can be swept
clean—but it was mine, you see, and I regret nothing—
I regret everything, for reality—
—Ah, a travesty to be reconciled with this lack-luster existence!
When the glimmering highway, littered with garbage-jewels
leads past convention—suppose I left you now, would you follow?
I think not, but you’d dream of me, dear dim prince, and my pocket-sized world
and my deck of thoughts, shuffled but played well,
and my pamphlet of endearments; I saved them all for you,
But you never heard them: why? I stood behind the glass shield,
that ice which keeps the landscape of my brain from melting, and I spoke them—
Perhaps that it why: you were not inside
that bitter ecstacy, that play world of mine.
Hello, I enjoyed reading this. Although I am unfamiliar with this style of poetry I appreciate the update about what type of poetry it is. First off, the emotion of this entire poem says a lot to me personally. I could really feel the deep vibe that each stanza was sending off. The descriptions really put a realistic touch to the poem, in this case, that was the whole purpose in this particular style. However, I do think the undertone of this is a bit too dark, but not in a negative way. The darkness is what makes the poet's feelings scary to imagine and that is what drives this work to the edge. Maybe you experienced something very dark and gritty and using this approach is the perfect way of expressing it in my opinion. Great poem!
Thanks so much! I'm flattered. I'm grateful you appreciate the style. I think a lot of people are put off by the randomness, the lack of structure, but when I'm writing poetry, I can't be bothered by it.
Hello there!
First of all, I love the descriptions you have in here. They gave a sense that you clearly understand what you're talking about.
"Shake, and the petals of my blooming heart glide,
Feather-light but heavy laden with clinging shadow"
^^ This is my favorite line in the poem. Since we're already familiar with the subject (a snow globe), the metaphor makes sense, visually. Plus, it sounds really cool.
There's something about this poem that didn't work for me, though. I know you said that this type of poetry doesn't care about structure and punctuation, but I think they could be improved. Since you have a lot of descriptions and ideas floating around in this piece, it can be hard to tell when one stops and the other starts. I think that if you did capitalization based off of proper grammar instead of capitalizing the first letter in every line, it would be easier to follow and understand. Of course, this could just be the way my mind interprets things, but I do think it would strengthen your poem overall.
That's all I really have to say. Well done and keep writing.
- ultraviolet
Thanks for the review. I understand what you mean by punctuation. I'm usually loathe to use period in poetry because they have a certain finality I find only useful in prose, but after going through the poem, I see what you mean. Also the capitalization issue. I think my word processor capitalized the beginning of each line automatically, and I agree that it is misleading. Thanks.
Hey there!
For starters, I'd like to say that I love your wording in this. I adore the vocabulary used. I'm not very good with poetry, so I can't really critique any of the formal things like technique or layout. The words, however, I can.
I liked the way you put this. It's dark, it's intimate, it's something that only you understand. I like that. It had a nice flow, and it was rather intriguing to me. I wish I could say more, but, as I'm not a master of poetry, this is all I can say.
Very nicely done.
Keep writing!
-Fire
Thank you for reading, and your imput is appreciated even if you aren't a master at poetry. Readers of poetry are influential, too.
It is a very nice poem for a newbie but hey you get better as you write more. Anyway, I will review your work today. Firstly, the basic layout of the poem. It is alright pretty much but then again it looks a wee bit untidy. You did a kind of a very irregular pattern so you could alter it to something like 2-3-2-3 or 3-2-3-2 but 2-2-3-3 or anything else will work better as it will be in a pattern if you know what I mean. Also it is poorly punctuated, I know these things does not matter much when we are writing but it will matter when a reader recites it in her/his mind so be a bit careful. The poem looks as if it is scattered everywhere and maybe your mind was in that kind a condition but anyway read it over when you are in a good mood and I think then you will be able to alter and make more poem like. This a poem alright but it lacks finishing as in 'the final touch' so hope you will be able to do that. Anyways keep writing and have fun.
My I am so forgetful. I just forgot to tick on the check box and thus ended up submitting 2 reviews.
Thanks for reading, and I understand your points. I agree about punctuation, which I will remedy. However, I disagree with about your suggestions about structure and scattered thoughts. Confessional poetry has as much or as little poetry as the poet wants, and the thoughts are not meant to be clear to other readers, as it is personal. It is mostly about the imagery. I think if you read it with a mind to understand someone else on a basic level, it might help with the helter-skelter feeling. But I am grateful you took the time to read it, and I will revise it, and I'd appreciate your input then as well. Thanks again.
"Firstly, the basic layout out of the poem." There is no predicate here. "Also it is poorly punctuated, I know these things does not matter much when we are writing but it will matter when a reader recites it in her/his mind so be a bit careful." I think this example speaks for itself. Careful there LadyLazarus, maybe you shouldn't reach so high since you're just a "newbie".
It is a very nice poem for a newbie but hey you get better as you write more. Anyway, I will review your work today. Firstly, the basic layout of the poem. It is alright pretty much but then again it looks a wee bit untidy. You did a kind of a very irregular pattern so you could alter it to something like 2-3-2-3 or 3-2-3-2 but 2-2-3-3 or anything else will work better as it will be in a pattern if you know what I mean. Also it is poorly punctuated, I know these things does not matter much when we are writing but it will matter when a reader recites it in her/his mind so be a bit careful. The poem looks as if it is scattered everywhere and maybe your mind was in that kind a condition but anyway read it over when you are in a good mood and I think then you will be able to alter and make more poem like. This a poem alright but it lacks finishing as in 'the final touch' so hope you will be able to do that. Anyways keep writing and have fun.