Young Writers Society

Hello LaFleurBlance<3! I'm swinging by today for a review

As a disclaimer, I'm not well versed in poetry or reviewing poetry. Feel free to take all my suggestions with a grain of salt

When I right my thoughts

"right" should be "write"!

With ink and paper

Since you technically don't write with paper, I think this would be work better if it were: "With ink onto paper". And, honestly, if you make that little change, I might change the first "Of ink on paper" with just a "Of ink onto paper" for repetition/consistency's sake.

With every stroke
With every symbol and character
Forms a letter

This isn't... quite accurate. A character can be a blank space, a punctuation mark, or a letter. In this instance, you've kind of said "with every letter forms a letter", if you were to say that the character is a letter, which doesn't make sense.
In this case, I would either remove the second line, or perhaps do something like:
"With every stoke
Every flick of a pen
Forms a letter"
Then you have a little more of a transition (if that's what you wanted).


Also, regarding this section in general, I noticed you didn't pluralise any of the ending words? So, a letter can form a word (a, I), but a single word can't form a phrase. Also, technically, a "phrase" doesn't form a sentence. A phrase can be a sentence, but a sentence is not a phrase. So, in this case, you really don't need the "which forms a phrase" line, because linguistically it doesn't make sense.
Following this, you end with "that then holds a message" after we've come to "form a paragraph", but a sentence can hold just as much weight as a paragraph? I do appreciate what you're conveying here, and I really like it! It just seems to exclude that a sentence can hold as powerful a message as a paragraph, or even multiple paragraphs. (I hope that makes sense haha)


I do love the section from "With this message" to "a purpose". I love empowering writing like this, so 10/10 for this section.

It's not worth the effort to say them
If they don't have a genuine meaning or purpose

I don't think this is strictly true. How many people says things with explicit meaning 24/7? Is what they do say that isn't not worth it?
While I appreciate the message of the latter part of the paragraph, in being outspoken and giving your two cents worth on things, but at the same time, sometimes you have to hesitate in saying them (in the case that sometimes what you say can put you in harm's way).
It's up to you, artistically, about what you take from the feedback, but this section I respectfully disagree with.


The section "The opportunity to give a message" to "But they have meaning and a purpose" is all well and good, but I am going to point out the repetition of "worth". Generally, you've been doing a pretty good job with utilising repetition, but here, it just sounds like you couldn't think of another word to use, rather than having any real impact on your message.

That they are not a mistake or a faux

"A faux" isn't really how it's supposed to be used here. Perhaps "failure"?

God never really intended them to be. A weapon. A way of hurting someone and punishing them.

Some of these periods shouldn't be here? It breaks up the sentences at the wrong moments. "God never really intended them to be a weapon, a way of hurting someone or punishing them."
Also, I just want to point out, that by padding this sentence with the "really" in this sentence kind of makes it sound like you're trying to imply that God only partially meant them to not be weapons? Like "I didn't really intend this but also oh well"? I hope that makes sense- I'm not trying to offend here at all, and I'm not trying to put words in your mouth (your screen????), but I don't know if you added it for that purpose. If you didn't, I would remove it so you're not padding the sentence in a way that tips it off balance.

But God intended words

This should be "God intended words", because you're not contradicting what you said previously, you're explaining your interpretation of how language was formed (which is super neat by the way!).

To love him.

I'm not a religious person, so maybe I'm wrong, but shouldn't it be "To love Him"?


Overall, this was a really fascinating read! I love hearing your thoughts and feelings about how language/the written word is expressed and how we, as humans, often manipulate it for our own whims. Again, I also love work that highlights the importance of any artistic endeavour.

Thank you for sharing this! If you have any questions of comments about what I said, please let me know!

I hope you have a fantastic day, and Happy RevMo!