The Condition of Words
Scritch, scratch
Forming the words
Scritch, scratch
They all seem to flow
~
The sliding and sticking
Of ink on paper
So satisfying
So soothing
So easing of the mind and heart
My soul feels at rest
When I write my thoughts
My feelings
My heart
With ink onto paper
~
With every stroke
With every symbol and character
Forms a letter
Which forms a word
Which forms a phrase
Which becomes a sentence
That later develops into a paragraph
That then holds a message
~
With this message
We can evoke and inspire more
A feeling
An emotion
A thought
An idea
A meaning
A purpose
~
Words hold meaning
What do your words mean?
If what you’re about to say only hurts someone
Don’t say it
Your job isn’t to make someone’s life harder
Be the reason their life is better
Don’t hesitate when you have the chance to give someone a compliment
A word of encouragement
Or a few words of truth
If you don’t say them now, you might lose your opportunity
~
The opportunity to give a message
A feeling
An emotion
A thought
An idea
A meaning
A purpose!
You could give someone the feeling of worth and equality
The emotions of happiness and belonging
The thought that they may actually be loved and enjoyed
That their gifts and talents have meaning and worth
That they are priceless and should not hide themselves from others
That they are not a mistake or a failure
But they have a purpose, and that they matter in this world
~
One paragraph
One sentence
One phrase
One word
Could change everything
One paragraph
Could give a person a reason
One sentence
Could end a war
One phrase
Could restore even the most broken relationships
One word
Could save a life
~
Don’t wait
Or it could be too late.
Words. They are such a precious gift. We more often than not, we take them for granted. In this world our words have become something, God never intended them to be, a weapon, a way of hurting someone and punishing them. God intended words to be a way of loving someone else. To love Him. Words were meant to give love, kindness, and worship. Not hate, deceit, and pain.
So use your words the way they were made to be used. Don’t bring yourself down to the rest of the worlds level. Be different. Rise up against the crowd. This world is broken. Don’t break yourself to please it.
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Canary word: Present
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,773 Reviews
Hello LaFleurBlance<3! I'm swinging by today for a review
As a disclaimer, I'm not well versed in poetry or reviewing poetry. Feel free to take all my suggestions with a grain of salt
"right" should be "write"!
Since you technically don't write with paper, I think this would be work better if it were: "With ink onto paper". And, honestly, if you make that little change, I might change the first "Of ink on paper" with just a "Of ink onto paper" for repetition/consistency's sake.
This isn't... quite accurate. A character can be a blank space, a punctuation mark, or a letter. In this instance, you've kind of said "with every letter forms a letter", if you were to say that the character is a letter, which doesn't make sense.
In this case, I would either remove the second line, or perhaps do something like:
"With every stoke
Every flick of a pen
Forms a letter"
Then you have a little more of a transition (if that's what you wanted).
Also, regarding this section in general, I noticed you didn't pluralise any of the ending words? So, a letter can form a word (a, I), but a single word can't form a phrase. Also, technically, a "phrase" doesn't form a sentence. A phrase can be a sentence, but a sentence is not a phrase. So, in this case, you really don't need the "which forms a phrase" line, because linguistically it doesn't make sense.
Following this, you end with "that then holds a message" after we've come to "form a paragraph", but a sentence can hold just as much weight as a paragraph? I do appreciate what you're conveying here, and I really like it! It just seems to exclude that a sentence can hold as powerful a message as a paragraph, or even multiple paragraphs. (I hope that makes sense haha)
I do love the section from "With this message" to "a purpose". I love empowering writing like this, so 10/10 for this section.
I don't think this is strictly true. How many people says things with explicit meaning 24/7? Is what they do say that isn't not worth it?
While I appreciate the message of the latter part of the paragraph, in being outspoken and giving your two cents worth on things, but at the same time, sometimes you have to hesitate in saying them (in the case that sometimes what you say can put you in harm's way).
It's up to you, artistically, about what you take from the feedback, but this section I respectfully disagree with.
The section "The opportunity to give a message" to "But they have meaning and a purpose" is all well and good, but I am going to point out the repetition of "worth". Generally, you've been doing a pretty good job with utilising repetition, but here, it just sounds like you couldn't think of another word to use, rather than having any real impact on your message.
"A faux" isn't really how it's supposed to be used here. Perhaps "failure"?
Some of these periods shouldn't be here? It breaks up the sentences at the wrong moments. "God never really intended them to be a weapon, a way of hurting someone or punishing them."
Also, I just want to point out, that by padding this sentence with the "really" in this sentence kind of makes it sound like you're trying to imply that God only partially meant them to not be weapons? Like "I didn't really intend this but also oh well"? I hope that makes sense- I'm not trying to offend here at all, and I'm not trying to put words in your mouth (your screen????), but I don't know if you added it for that purpose. If you didn't, I would remove it so you're not padding the sentence in a way that tips it off balance.
This should be "God intended words", because you're not contradicting what you said previously, you're explaining your interpretation of how language was formed (which is super neat by the way!).
I'm not a religious person, so maybe I'm wrong, but shouldn't it be "To love Him"?
Overall, this was a really fascinating read! I love hearing your thoughts and feelings about how language/the written word is expressed and how we, as humans, often manipulate it for our own whims. Again, I also love work that highlights the importance of any artistic endeavour.
Thank you for sharing this! If you have any questions of comments about what I said, please let me know!
I hope you have a fantastic day, and Happy RevMo!
Hello, I'm Horisun, here to review your poem!
Let me just say, I really like this. The message is grand, and the word choice is wonderful. I loved how this poem was built. (Not sure if that was the right phrase, but I hope you know what I mean)
One thing that I did want to point out is that you said "Right" instead of "Write"
Other than that minor nitpick, this is a really nice poem that will be receiving a like!
Keep on writing, and have a great day!
Hi @LaFleurBlanche<3 I am here to do a review on your lovely poem here. So lets get right into it shell we.
So this poem was very nice to read. Every line flows with the last. It blends to gather so well. It just sounds true. I can see everything happening, with the way you are describing it. I really felt connected to the hole thing. As I read I start to just hear the sounds of the words being written as I read it.
I also really liked that this was long. And I could just feel more of the words rushing into me. You have just put such a meaning into every word in the poem. So much understanding to it all. The last bit I felt was just so true. And very, very strong and heart felt with wisdom. I hope you are okay though reading this it sounds like you mite have gone though somethings? I loved this poem. And I really want to hear others that you have wrote.
So that is all I can say about this. So keep up the great poem writing. This was lovely to read I in joyed it a lot.
Have A Great Day/Night
@Dossereana Out In The Sky Of Reviews