The blustery winter air creeps in the door behind you
As I walk out of the kitchen
I am seeing everything so clearly
You in all of your beauty
Taking your hood off and wiping the fresh snow from your face
Stomping your shoes against the welcome mat
As you hear me say that dinner is ready
It feels like a slow-motion movie scene
As you pick your head up
And look at me
I think about all of the moments like these.
There is a set change for each season,
As I recall in November
The leaves crunched under your boots
And you smelled like pumpkin pie.
In June,
Your dew covered sandals
Rested by the door,
Your lips tasted like honeysuckle
And your hair smelled of lilac.
And for the entirety of March
You looked like heaven.
Hair pulled back,
In your best tee shirt
Shoelaces tapping against the hallway floor
As you rush in to tell me
You just heard the funniest story.
So while you stand in front of me,
And I seem to stare, but not to speak…
These are my memories,
The quiet things I like to keep.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello there LaCroach! I am June, very nice to meet you! Welcome to YWS! Perhaps I shall let you know we have a 2:1 policy here, which simply means that before you post one piece of your work, you should have reviewed at least two things by someone else. This way, the reviews keep going around. This continues on, so that reviews keep going.
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Anyway! Onto your critique. Pardon me if I'm too harsh on you.
This poem is so sweet. It's very touching. At first glance, people might think that this has no meaning behind it, but if you read it again, it's easy to see that this has so much to it.
You can look at this poem from different perspectives, and come away with so much. I love it
As for structure, it kind of stumbled in some parts. I'm not sure if it's the capitalization at the beginning of every line or what, but there's something structure wise that's dragging attention away from the focus. I think it's just the beginning lines that are not flowing so well. Perhaps it's the switch from "you" in the first line, to "I" in the second? Or maybe I'm just being crazy
On the whole, it was a brilliant poem, I really, really liked it. It was great-- so much, I give it a gold star.
I look forward to seeing more of your work!
Welcome aboard!
June!
(I hope I wasn't too harsh)