Comparison
To murder one with blade in hand
To take a life precisely planned
It’s not so easy with a blade
Making run that scarlet shade
To taste the life but not the blood
Seems a waste of anguished flood
It’s just so boring with a gun
You watch them pass but have no fun
To meet the keeper of their heart
To watch their sense and conscience part
Livered angry kept on key
Reminds myself of the inner me
It takes more effort to slow things down
Alike a smile, verse a frown
But in effect it’s oh so sweet
A drop of blood, a blank white sheet
A poem for the ears of the quiet listener.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hi, LRA...comments in #FF4080 ">pinkish fonts.
I couldn't really understand this poem. I don't know, the title kind of confuses me. Sorry for the poor review.
This poem, for me at least, sums up a lot. Though I'm not sure if you were going for a summarization or embodiment of emotion in your imagery, or if this really is a picture of thoughts that go through your mind, or just an analogy, for me it really resonated in the whole 'pictures of thoughts that go through your mind' department. It's almost eerie.
I think, however, it would do you well to make certain lines less about yourself and more generalized. I know it can be hard to get rid of cherished lines that you feel apply so well to your inner self, but when other people read these lines they tend to just get lost. -_- It's a sad thing, I know. But I'm still trying to puzzle out the meaning of
and
.
Or maybe it's just really obscure meaning.
Either way.
The only other thing I have to point out is punctuation. Lack-of in poetry doesn't really bother me, but if YWS has taught me anything it's that there are plenty of punctuation-Nazis afoot here.
Best of luck, please do write more of this, I'm rather in love. ♥