Five Years Ago
(Song link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhSjH1UACl8
Nightcore version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8J85Mkdm2Y)
November 27
A couple of buses had been rented out for the event, so they took the kids who’d arrived earliest out for pizza. It was lunchtime, after all, and it wasn’t fair to make the kids sit around waiting-- people would be coming in all afternoon, and the last person’s flight wasn’t even due until 8.
Somehow, Jane ended up being in charge of chaperoning them. Normally, she wouldn’t have minded. She’d always liked kids, and she had fond memories of all the people coming in for this occasion. She was glad to be able to see them again. There was just one little problem- well, two, really.
Luckily, there were twenty-five kids in Jane’s group, and they hadn’t all introduced themselves. Which meant that those two hadn’t noticed each other yet. But when they did….Gosh, why had they given her this job?
She knew they were both good kids, honestly. She wouldn’t have minded chaperoning either of them. But both? Together? That was just asking for trouble.
The bus arrived at the pizza place, and all the kids got off and walked inside. Jane stood at the door and counted them as they got off. Twenty-two, twenty-three….Finally, the last two kids walked out. They’d been sitting together, and remained deeply involved in conversation as they walked out.
Wait a second is that….No way! None of the others will ever believe this! Impossible! Jane gaped at them. Was that really Annie? Talking to Michael? In an actual conversation? What on earth could those two sworn enemies possibly be talking about that was worth calling a truce?
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“No way! Are you kidding? I love that singer!” Annie couldn’t believe it! What were the odds that she’d meet someone who loved music as much as she did- especially this quickly?
“I just realized that I never asked what your name is! I’ve feel like I’ve seen you before,” said the boy, “Maybe we knew each other?”
“I’m Annie,” she said, taking a closer look at him. He looked vaguely familiar, but it had been a long time. Wait a minute…."Mika?!"
“Don’t call me that! It’s Michael….Wait, Annie? I remember you….You were that really bossy little brat who-”
“And you were that obnoxious older boy who couldn’t keep his mouth shut,” she laughed, “I guess we’ve both changed a lot since them.”
“It has been five years,” he said, “People change, especially annoying little girls.”
Annie laughed and ducked as he tried to rub her head.
“I can’t be that much younger than you. How old are you?”
“Fifteen. I’m a sophomore. What are you ten?” She elbowed him as they grabbed a couple slices of pizza and sat down.
“I’m thirteen years old, thank you very much! Two years isn’t such a big difference.”
“Whatever. So, what do you think of country music?” Annie and Michael would’ve been happy to leave the past in the past and spend the rest of the weekend talking about music- but, unfortunately, that was not to be.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Oh God I know this feeling. I had a whole class of kids who were individually lovely children but all thrown together were terrible. Poor Jane.
Although maybe Jane is older than I am, but even though I'm well into adulthood I don't think of teenagers as "kids." (Maybe it's because my oldest student is 12, and most of them are a lot younger.) So I was expecting these to be, like, elementary schoolers, and then when Michael was like "you were that bossy little brat" I was like "??? elementary schoolers don't talk that way???" but then I realized he was fifteen.
But I also see this is chapter four, so at this point in the story, if I'd read the whole thing, I probably would have already known how old they were.
Sure, when you're an adult. When you're both in your twenties or thirties or beyond, two years is nothing. (I mean, my parents are like seven years apart.) But I feel like to a fifteen year old, thirteen is basically a little kid. Like how most seniors in high school ignore most of the freshman - which to be fair is a four-year age gap, not a two-year age gap, but even so.
To be fair, there's definitely such a thing as "the cool freshmen" that the seniors are friends with (I always had older friends until I got to be an adult, and now somehow most of my friends are younger), but this still felt weird to me. Honestly it largely depends on your setup. Like if these two were next-door neighbors or something when they were little kids, I could see this being a thing, I guess. And from the sound of it, like "you were that bossy little brat," that seems like it might be the case.
It might just be that a teacher considering them sworn enemies makes it sound like they would've been in the same class, because otherwise the teachers wouldn't have had to deal with them together a lot.
Right now I'm most interested in Jane, partly because I think it's intriguing that you've got a teacher or chaperone who is a viewpoint character - if only occasionally - in a teen novel. That's not often the case, so I'm curious as to how important a character if she's going to be, or if she's going to be more of an occasional narrator for humorous purposes: like here, where you introduce Michael and Annie suddenly talking to each other after years of enmity through her viewpoint before showing us their conversation.
Well, Jane probably thinks of them as kids because she met them all five years ago, when they WERE kids.
You're right that to Michael, Annie, who's two years younger than him, is just a little kid, but Annie's the type to resent that and insist that she's really not that much younger. Also, in my experience, teenage girls tend to be a little more mature than their male counterparts, so maturity-wise, Annie might be even more grown-up than he is.
As for Jane, I'm not sure if we'll see her again or not, but I do plan on having some of the other chaperones show their side of the story eventually, so we'll see how that goes.
Thank for the review!
-LJF
Hello, LJF. I am here to provide you a review. Let’s get started, shall we? ( I saw that you tagged me in this, so that is also why I am here, lel. )
PLOT SO FAR…
So based on this chapter alone, we went back in time. Annie and Michael had history before they clicked in this scene. They used to be sworn enemies. Who knew? This seems like a pretty relaxing chapter, and a good way to know how the two met. Kind of cute if you ask me.
NITPICKS & STUFF
No need to add the commas in the sentence. They shouldn’t be any breaking points at all.
Also, I wish you could’ve been a little more descriptive with your setting. This is back in the past, where Annie and Michael started talking to each other for the first time as friends. It would be nice to see what the pizza place was like and how their hometown was. You know what I mean?
OVERALL
Overall, this was a relaxing read. Taking a break from the storyline and going back in time to learn about their relationship was kind of an intriguing idea to do. I can’t really provide any more insight on this chapter since most of it is dialogue. But, do make sure you describe your settings. It will help your readers visualize the places they go, and the areas that surround your characters.
Keep up the great work. Keep writing and enjoy the rest of your day!
- Kanome
I was trying to be deliberately vague with the setting, as a) I'll be returning to this weekend later, and, b) it isn't their hometown-- it's a "random" place that a whole bunch of kids who haven't seen each other in five years have been gathered for reasons.....that will be revealed ;P
Thanks so much for taking the time to read my work and write a review!
-LJF
Thank you for clearing that up for me. c: Can't wait to see what happens next.
@Dragonier @Kanome @izanami @saentiel @Danni88 @alliyah @AllisontheWriter @KatjaDawn @Lake @Tenyo @Danni88 @Flumadiddle @emolemon @jemming17
Did I forget anyone?
Just to be clear, the events of this chapter ("five years ago") occurred three years before the current story-line ("two years ago") and one year before Annie and Michael stopped talking (which was two years before chapter one).
Now I have to build up more backlog-- wish me luck!