The Other Side Of The Light

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE LIGHT

The light was blinding, seeping through the gap of – what I guessed were the curtains. My eyes felt heavy as they slowly shifted focus. I was lying down.

The room around me was bright white, figures moved hastily in all directions.

What was going on? How did I get here? The last thing I remembered was school, walking home with Leslie and Kyle, my backpack tugging on my shoulders, chatting about the summer holidays. I couldn’t remember anything else, not how I got here, or why.

I looked around, my eyes still a little fuzzy.

A limp body with brown hair lay on the white bed next to me, left leg up on a sling with a cast around it. It looked like Kyle. Wait. It was Kyle.

What was he doing here? He was plugged into a machine, his eyes purple underneath and the monitor beeping rapidly with his pulse.

Why wasn’t he moving? He wasn’t dead, the monitor proved his life, but he lay motionless; the only action was the rapid eye movement (perhaps he was dreaming – if at all)

I jumped up from the bed and reached out to touch his arm. He felt warm. I was so relieved.

Suddenly the monitor went wild. And my relieved feeling disappeared in a flash, sinking further down into the empty crevasse in my body.

“Doctor!” screamed a voice. Mary Jones, Kyle’s mother stood next to the bed, shock spread across her pink face.

“What did I do?” I demanded of the doctor when he arrived. He didn’t answer, walking by me, pressing a stethoscope against Kyle’s chest.

“He is having a heart attack.” the doctor said, shocked. He urged for a nurse to come over.

A heart attack, on a 13 year old!! What had I done?

Then, the monitor went silent.

“No.” sobbed Mary. He couldn’t die, not now.

“Wake up, keep your heart beating.” I cried out to him. But he didn’t move, nor did the monitor register the restarting of his heart.

The silence was disturbing, everything seemed to be black, just his body and me in the massive void between life and death.

~

I couldn’t have done that, could I? He was fine until I touched his arm, perfectly fine. I can’t believe I killed my best friend!!

I saw Mrs Jones sitting on a plastic chair across the room.

“Kyle’s broken leg, after surgery seemed perfectly fine. We knew the risk of clotting was possible,” the doctor stated. “A small blood clot made its way from his broken leg to his heart, stopping all functions, causing his heart attack.” he continued. Tears streamed down Mrs Jones’ face.

“We still don’t understand how it’s possible for a thirteen year old boy to have a heart attack, he was perfectly healthy.” The doctor – of all people – didn’t know why Kyle had a heart attack, but I think I knew.

His cold body was pale, grey even. I touched his face. Stone, like it had been put in a freezer.

“I’m so sorry, Mrs Jones.” I had started crying too. But something else was wrong. I couldn’t feel it. The wet feeling I should feel when I cried. It’s probably just shock. I pushed back my wonder, knowing there were more important things to worry about.

I knew where Kyle was, he had no doubt passed over by now, hopefully in no pain. I wonder what heavens like, warm, pleasant, no pain or suffering.

Mrs Jones was here with Kyle, what about my family. Where were they? I was here, wouldn’t they be here too? I walked around the room. There were three beds, Kyle’s, mine and another one. But it wasn’t empty; its sheets had been ruffled, used recently. What about Leslie?!

I called out her name, no answer. I shoved the door open and walked out into the hallway. That was when I realized, my clothes, they were the same clothes I had worn to school, blue jeans and purple singlet. But there was blood splattered over them. Small splotches staining, but it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that I had no idea who’s it was, or if it was mine at all. I didn’t care.

Where was Leslie? Was she still alive? She couldn’t possibly have crossed that line too, I needed her, Kyle had gone, and I didn’t know anyone else at here or school. I didn’t regret my decision to move to a new town with my parents but I do regret going to school with the flu today, I could’ve been at home – and Kyle wouldn’t be dead and Leslie wouldn’t be – where ever she is right now. Here...or there.

I roamed around the hospital calling her name. No-one seemed to hear me, at all, no movement, no-one even flinching at my yelling voice. I was invisible to them. It must have been the panic of the unknown for their loved ones here.

That was when I saw them; I started running down the hallway, urgently.

“Mum, Dad,” I called out loudly. “Jamie?” My voice lowered. It took a while before I realized what was wrong with this picture. Mum was crying; dad hugging her and Jamie stood next to them, arms crossed. Being 16, Jamie was quite tall and hardly ever showed emotion, but today he did. His face was broken, hurting.

The same doctor that had talked to Mrs Jones was there, talking to my parents.

“Please, tell us how?” my mother begged him.

“We didn’t detect the bleeder until it was too late. When she came in it looked as though she had just been knocked unconscious, an ultrasound scan showed no signs of internal injuries or broken bones. But a small bleeder had been torn open further afterwards which the scan hadn’t picked up, resulting in the rupture of her aorta.”

“That’s a lot of medical talk doc.” I heard Jamie say.

“It basically means, your sister had a bleed inside her body that the scan didn’t detect, and it soon torn open further, rupturing her aorta, killing her.” It made sense to me, but at the same time I was confused.

Soon Mrs Jones with Mr and Mrs Parker joined my parents. I soon found that I had hovered closer, now feet away from them.

“I am so sorry for your loss.” The doctor said looking at Mrs Jones and my parents. “But, I am happy to report Leslie is doing great, she should be able to go home in a few hours if another scan shows no injuries at all. She was the luckily one. As she says, it was Kyle,” he turned to Mrs Jones “who saved her, pulling her down when he saw the poles coming, getting hit in the process.” he said turning back to Mr and Mrs Parker. The doctor left soon after.

“I am so sorry.” Mr and Mrs Parker apologized. Mrs Jones had started crying again.

“Thank you, I am glad Leslie is doing great, at least someone will come out of this tragedy alive.”

Wait! ‘Tragedy’, ‘bleeders’, ‘internal injuries’ and ‘at least someone will come out alive’! Oh no. I couldn’t be, could I?

I suddenly remember what happened. My memory flooding back, all at once.

We were walking home from school, Leslie was complaining of her school bag, Kyle jumping up and down about the holidays. We were walking on the foot path next to the busy road, nearing the crossing. That’s when I heard the screeching of tyres. A semi truck, loaded with thick metal pipes had hit another smaller car, flipping and causing the pipes to fall off. I remember one hitting Kyle as he pulled Leslie down and away from them. The pain as he cried out, the memory sent shivers down my spine. Another smaller truck collided with one of the Semi trucks loose pipes, skidding towards me. Then everything was black.

I turned my attention back to the others. They were still talking, all grieving for the loss.

“I would appreciate it if they could both be buried at the same time, together with all their family, they were such good friends, the only ones Adria had here, if that is alright with you.” my mother looked at Mrs Jones.

“Of, course” she sobbed, her face a little brighter. “Kyle was very fond of Adria, it would have been what he wanted.” a smile appeared on her pale face, through the cloud of tears and despair. I saw my mother smile slightly as Jamie hugged her.

It finally hit me, I was dead!

I kind of knew it already, but I’d never thought the word to be real.

I couldn’t feel anything, I couldn’t feel the ground, and I couldn’t feel my heart, I clutched my chest. Of course it wasn’t there, no beating, no disoriented rhythm of panic (as it should be right now).

What was I doing, I had to find someone, anyone who would listen, anyone who could listen. So far I was alone, a ghost among many.

I stood there shouting out random words, scanning the faces for any sign that they had heard me. Nothing! Not even a slight change in their expressions. Bummer. What was I going to do?

Ok now I was freaking myself out. It seemed like today that I had more questions than answers and even more that my brain hadn’t even registered yet, to include.

Ok what was I going to do now? I’d always heard stories about people that died saw a bright light when they died; walking into it sent them to heaven, leaving this earth and those in it.

Ok, so why wasn’t there any light. Well there was light, but the hospital one’s didn’t really count. I spun around, nope nothing. Then I remembered; mum had been watching some show called Ghost Whisperer on TV recently. She would talk about it all the time, how the main character would help ghosts figure out why there still around – what they want to resolve or say – before the light appeared to them. I wonder – if that same situation has been presented for me. All I gotta do now is figure out what it is I wanna say or do. How hard could that be?

I sat on the floor. Obviously if I was a ghost I would fall through a chair.

I could be that I forgot mum’s birthday, no, she had forgiven me for that. Jamie’s footy game, no I was sick for that too, he didn’t mind. Dad had been on work travel to Brisbane only coming back now apparently. Um what else was there? Then it hit me... again.

It was my fault.

It was entirely my fault – that he died, that we ended in here in the first place. If I hadn’t have persuaded them to take the road side route home we wouldn’t be in this situation. It wouldn’t have happened if I had stayed home sick, or gone home sick during the day. Still, it was all my fault.

They were dead because of me, and now I couldn’t ever say sorry, not to Kyle at least. Would it still count; if I only told one?

I ran throughout the hospital – my eyes frantically searching for the blonde haired girl I knew.

I slowed down after several minutes, exhausted. I stopped outside a room.

“Try 300.” a nurse called.

“Still no heart beat.”

Zap after zap, no heart beat. “Time of death, 6:43pm.” the nurse called, scribbling something on a piece of paper.

The man’s body was still. Suddenly a fuzzy white glow illuminated from his lifeless body. It tugged on the link between the two. Staying or going, staying or going. It didn’t know. Then the link broke, setting the glow free. It was the man, smiling. “You know what needs to be done, do it before time runs out.” he said. Then a bright light filled the room, but it shone one the old man, not me. Then the fuzzy white image disappeared slowly into the light. The light faded with the man.

There was a time limit? What did he mean by ‘before time runs out’? Why was everything timed for me? Great I was doing it again, asking too many questions that couldn’t be answered, what was the point.

I went back to racing around, looking for Leslie. As it dried out the blood on my clothes had hardened enough to hurt as I ran. My long black hair – blood smeared in locks of it – bounced around on my back and neck. It felt weird.

Yes! Leslie! I hovered around the doorway to the room. It was the same room I had started in when I woke up. She was wrapped up in blankets, water pouring down her light pink cheeks, the blankets oaked through as she curled up on the bed.

“How?” She asked of her father.

“Kyle’s broken leg caused a clot to form which then made its way to his heart causing him to have a heart attack. He died saving your life, otherwise it could have been both of you, if he hadn’t pulled you down.” he explained, she sobbed even more.

“Oh my god!” she exclaimed. “What about Adria, is she in surgery?” she asked, a small flicker of hope visible, only to fade away.

Leslie’s body was shaking with every wave of tears.

“She came in fine, she didn’t have any injuries and was placed in a bed to rest.” He looked away.

“Oh no.” her face was distraught.

“I’m so sorry, sweetie. She had a bleeder and it was found to late – it had ruptured her aorta, she died almost instantaneously. She didn’t feel a thing.” he reached out to touch her; Leslie flinched away from his hand, huddling up against the pillows.

“Sweetie is there anything I can get you?” he asked, sympathetically.

“I guess bringing my friends back doesn’t count, does it.”

“I’ll go get you some ice chips.”

Her father left the room rather silently, for someone whose daughter just lost her best friends. He didn’t make a sound as if to not set Leslie off again into another wave of tears.

Oh my goodness. Now I felt worse. I had caused this, Kyle’s death, my death and Leslie’s pain and suffering, even our family’s misery.

Somewhere in my head, I registered the fact that one girl, one 13 year old girl had caused so much pain, misery, depression and despair. Though I think all those words mean the same thing.

I could feel my entire body aching, grief-stricken.

“Leslie?” I wondered whether she could hear me.

No! She just moved, as the words came out of my mouth.

“Can you hear me?” I asked. No way! This was too real to be ... well real.

“Adria?” she mumbled.

“Leslie!” I half cried out.

I reached out to touch her arm. She felt so warm to me, my skin frozen under hers. She knew I was there, she could hear me.

“I am so sorry Adria, I should have been standing next to you, I almost was, I was going to ask you if you wanted to see a movie with Kyle and me but you walked away – only a few metres, if I had asked you, you may be alive.” She blamed herself!? How could she. I was the one who suggested the road route instead of the oval one.

“Please don’t.” I begged her.

“It wasn’t your fault, I was going that way home anyway whether or not you persuaded Kyle, Kyle only came because he wanted to borrow your computer for an assignment.” She wiped away the tears. “It was only a coincidence that we left when we did, that the truck happened to be going by at the same time, that you didn’t stay home when we all told you, you should” she laughed, through the tears.

I felt a bit better, but I still had one more person to tell.

“Why did you stick around? Kyle’s gone” she asked.

My mood suddenly changed. “He didn’t have a burden to bear like I did.” I whispered. “His conscious was clear.”

“Well, say hello to him for me.” she asked.

“I will.”

I guess it was true, the stories everyone had said about death. It was peaceful, quiet, and simple. Unless you had something else to do before you left. I was glad mine was over. I didn’t really want to hang around a place where I didn’t fit in, literally.

Soon the room was filled with a white light. It glowed.

Finally! I could move forward.

“Thank you Leslie, for everything.”

“Bye Adria.” she said. Her father was standing in the door way, ice chips in his hand. He didn’t look surprised but relieved. Happy his daughter was ok and that she accepted the tragedy.

I stepped towards the light. I guess it was my turn now, to discover what heaven is like – it looked peaceful, calm.

The light was like an open door, revealing everyone I knew that had gone over – my grandma Lulu, Aunty Pam, Cousin Marie... But it was the person that was standing, just out of reach in the doorway that surprised me. Kyle! He smiled at me.

The last words I heard -

“It’s time.”