With My Weeping Warrior

Hello, My Friend!

Pleasure to meet you! I'm Raven, and I was hoping to review this poem today! Hope you don't mind!

To start, this felt like such a lovely tribute to a good friend of yours, and what sounds like a lot they've done for you. I find that in and of itself to be such a beautiful concept, but the poem itself is very well written, from start to finish! I love the formatting, and you have such great rhymes going on here, with a unique rhyme scheme! I don't even really have any recommendations for improvement, except I think where you say "thy to find your counterpart," the Archaic "thy" is possessive and more like saying "your," while "thee" is more like saying "you" (you to find your counterpart) I only know this because I had to do some gnarly research for an Elden Ring fanfic though—most people aren't even going to tell the difference XD

Anyway! Let's move on to some highlights, and my favorite parts!

As I wrote this letter,

I tried and forced it to be better.

This might not be perfect,

but this is all I could bestow-

Do not let others steal your heavenly heart,

nor let them tear you apart.

as you are one of god's sacred art.

I wish you the best,

among the rest.

to finish your chosen quest.

and shalt forevermore be blessed.

Hello Kyouse!

I am Ares the resident crowboi here, I dabble in poetry and don't review as often as I should. So forgive me if this review is off on pacing. <3

Shinies-

So, it seems to me that this poem is touching on a deep topic as of mental health- and ooo do I love that! That is where I usually play in my own poetry, though mine tends to be gothic and broody. Yet, here your poem has a very light lilty tonality! It seems to be written in Shakespearian English [or ye olde English] and this contrast to the heavy theme lifts the mood by a great margin. It seems to be a speaker thanking and well wishing a friend who kept them from losing all hope, and that is very sweet and meaningful. The title With My Weeping Warrior also sets this poem apart, more on this in the next section!

Make a nest-

So, now weaving together the parts of this poem I highlighted with the general vibe it is giving me! The touch on mental health maintains that while lilty and uppity in tone this poem has serious themes. It seems that the water is calm now, but the future is undecided and the speaker is wishing for good things to happen for their friend. Mental health is a thing of upkeep and it is difficult to predict, but because of this friend the speaker feels more confident in their self and has hope. The title makes me think that the speaker is standing with their friend metaphorically, as though the feeling you get after a heartfelt conversation when you can still feel the persons energy in the room in a pleasant way.

The burrs-

The lilty tonality and Shakespearian writing has however been greatly meme'd of late. This could cause your poem while it is on a serious topic to be seen in an informal light where it won't hit as hard emotionally. This and that every line rhymes- because both together give it a very sweet children's booky vibe. However if that is what you're looking for go off! And if not, I would recommend looking into free verse or changing the style of the poem! You could leave it Shakespearian if it does n0t rhyme or vice versa, and it would come across as more serious in nature for example.

Water the tree-

I enjoyed reading your poem and I thought it was very meaningful. The way you start each stanza with a capital letter is very aesthetic. And I think that as you continue to learn and grow you'll only get better! Thank you for publishing your work and wonderful job!

This is Ares signing off~

~kachow!

i dont know how to do this anymore omg