Millions.
They say the old man was worth that much
It said so on his bank statement
And stock portfolio.
His wealth was measured by
His fleet of Italian cars and his
Armada of Spanish yachts.
Earthly wealth.
Coveted.
His withered body was draped in the
Most expensive handmade silk
From the marketplaces of India
And his viewing was placed in the largest cathedral
Reserved for men who spent their lives hoarding
Gold and Power.
It was a somber event:
The day of the old man's funeral
But the only tears that were wept
Were by those whose names had been left out of his will.
Coveted.
Those in the vast audience stole glances at solid gold watches
As the orator dragged on about the man's rich life
Meaningless words.
They could care less
So the world was without one more millionaire...
Pocket change.
They say the aged father was worth that much.
It said so on his bills
And supermarket name tag.
His poverty was measured by
His five young, adoring children
Who realized their own wealth had just been taken from them.
More-than wealth.
Coveted.
His sweat stained body was draped in the
Oldest heirloom lace
From the dusty attic of their inter-city shack
And his viewing was placed in the small chapel on the corner
Reserved for men who spent their lives providing for their families,
Love and hope.
It was a somber event:
The day of the aged father's funeral.
And the tears that were wept
Were by those who would never spend time with the man again.
Coveted.
Those in the audience dabbed at their eyes with handkerchiefs
As the pastor recalled the man's rich life
Nostalgic words .
Their lives would never be the same
Because the world was without one more kind soul...
Millions.
They say he was worth that much...
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,468 Literary Works • 672,573 Reviews
This was really original. I liked it...a lot
I loved how you created a format where you showed the contrast of the two situation without making it seem like that was your main goal, your language flowed, it doesn't sound like you came up with words just because they sounded good in the format you had chosen.
I also loved how you didn't just state that one of the men was rich and the other was poor, you really showed us by what means society measured them regarding their wealth.
"Millions.
They say the old man was worth that much
It said so on his bank statement
And stock portfolio."
I love how it is a satire on our society's superficiality without being corny. It is relatable because of course we all know that we do judge people and you captured it really well.
"His sweat stained body was draped in the
Oldest heirloom lace "
I loved this line, simply because of the irony. This may just be me, but when I hear heirloom I think of wealth, money yes, but also sentimental value. This is something I don't think I have ever seen before. I have heard of the being rich in familly and friends rather than in money but these two lines had me thinking that the heirloom could be worth money, but that it wouldn't matter either way, that the way we judge value is just as marred as how we judge people.
Did I get that right, because I absolutely loved that line and I hope that I understood it because if not it would be a little embarassing seeing as I just raged about it so much
The use of "Coveted." throughout, and of "Millions.
They say he was worth that much..." at the end really tied the whole story together neatly. Again I liked that it was thought provoking without being too in my face, it definitly left me thinking.
I know this isn't so much a critique as me telling you what I really liked but poetry isn't really my area of expertise so I can't speak for the technical aspects, and I really liked your mesage.. so here we are!
-Gen
I thought this was an excellent piece! The concept, the pattern, the word choice, I thought it all was well done.
There was one mistake I noticed. You said "Were by those whose name had been left out of his will" in the first stanza. I know you meant "names" but it just caught my attention.
Once again, I thought this piece was beautiful!
I'm gonna crit this as i read it yay! so here i go
Good opening there, it definaly catched the readers attention, its different.
Some great imagery there, and it also shows this wealth, I like how you just havent mentioned that he is wealthy and then forgotton about it which so many people to in poetry as they are trying to get onto the next point.
I like how this implys that although he was wealthy he was not loved, and that the only people that really cared about his death was those who didn't get anything from him, it kinds shows how you can still live a loney life even though you may be the richest man in the world.
I like how you have repeated this...I can't actually remember the name of the term this is called but hey yeah liked that
that was an amazing poem, its so sad aswell
Also, this was an original topic, Its nice to read something that isnt about depression and love for once! so thanks!
Meevs
x
That was amazing! The second part was so...real, so able to relate to.
Everything was painted so beautifully, this is one of the best poems I've ever read. I really admire you for being able to portray it with so much meaning.
I loved it, thanks.
Wild
Wow.
I really liked it! The irony and the contrast between the two is amazing. It conjures clear images, and you keep the piece going without getting boring. The flow is swift, the idea is clear, and the ending is dramatic and effective. I love the way you repeated the first line again at the end. It gives a feeling of coming full circle... and yet it gives you the feeling that there is more to be told. I truly loved it. More!
All the best,
Goldie
I liked this, it caught my eye. I didn't like the first part in the the way that I didn't like the old man [not your work though]. It was written well. Just people with that much wealth - I can't relate...
You're second stanza 'Pocket change' I loved it, you see that sort of lifestyle I can relate to. This stanza is what I liked best out of the whole thing.
I liked the ironic double line at the end. The repetition of the Millions bit, but just of a different sort. This piece was refreshing for me - true to life. Which is the sort of poetry that I look out for, keep it up, keep it real. Peace.