Published December 2, 2011
http://soundcloud.com/kylanrice/an-even ... egan-radio
Radio version of this essay.
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141,381 Literary Works • 674,386 Reviews
Mornin', Kyller.
This'll be quick since it's basically the only radio critique I've given...ever. That said, I'm drawing these ideas from advice I received from the judges at the National Performing Arts Festival in NYC '09, along with my own ideas regarding music in this sort of cross-genre locale.
For the most part, your diction--assuming it's your voice--was fine. Your voice comes through crisp and tonal without much wavering, which is perfect for radio, so you've got that check on your plate. There are several places--though they're places wherein the mind of the essay is undoubtedly rummaging for the right word--where the voice slurs, almost in a primal "Ehh" bend. These are double-edged swords in that, while they bring realism into the voice, they also detach from the faux mystique of the radio, or a disembodied voice. So, in a way, your humanistic vocal bends make you less of an audible god. And in radio, that's typically bad.
Now, I say it's a double-edged sword because it is a narrative piece, and not a recollection of the evening news. You're not announcing Sister Margret's death or advertising a church bake sale. You're talking about love. And so that rummaging for thought seems fairly natural.
And so with that bit of advice, I close it by understanding that it's you, and that you typically don't do things half-assed or without imbuing frightful amounts of your talent into the medium. I would hate to see the day you decide to become a serial killer.
Now for the music.
No idea where on earth the music comes from, but the pieces that aren't sheer ambiance are a huge disruption from the atmosphere of your narration. At 2:15, I'm not quite sure what that saxophone is thinking, but it needs to calm its mess. In the music world, instruments should--unless prompted by intention--overpower vocals. And in this case, when the vocals are narrating the entire piece, it's tres unwelcome, at least in my opinion. The piano could use some volume reduction in the 5:24 stint as well, so there's that.
Obviously this isn't something that is edited easily, and it's probably come and gone by now, but these are, nonetheless, ideas to keep in mind.
Hope this helps,
-Lumester
Wow. You have managed to capture the essence of naivety in veganism, yet you have produced a palate of descriptive writing which is not overly detailed, but delicately balanced, and blended with the charismatic voice of the speaker (Is it you? Cause if it is, then you have a very nice voice) to create a beautiful piece of creative writing. You are an extraordinary writer, and I cannot wait to read (or listen) to more of your work.