Young Writers Society

Hello mortal, time for your review >D

overall rating: 2/5
Impression: Needs much improving
Description: I gave you a 2/5 because you lacked rythem in your poetry. The stanzas should have been seperated every 4 lines, to me. Then you add more rymes toward the end and it gives a very bad impression. I do the same thing, at times but am learning that it never works out. It seamed a little played-out and I can never properly describe it to anyone. Its kinda like when you know the next line of a poem before you read the line and you already know about the poem half way through. Try to find something enique next poem, I would look for something noone ever talks about and add a lesson. Thats just me, crazy about people teaching morals in poems. :d

Anyways I have to save a cat out of a tree or something. PEACE

Hi! I'll be reviewing your poem today I enjoy reading your poetry so this is my second review of yours.

I love the emotion you've put behind this poem, it's a very sensitive piece. It has a great tone and the reader feels what your character is going through.

However i'd just make a few suggestions.

I'd tone it down a bit with the exclamation marks, there's quite a few of them in your poem, i know you want to include emphasis but sometimes the words are enough. Also just add the italics on the parts you really want to be effective in. And you might have a typo in the sentence
"comfort me tears?" i think you meant comfort my tears?

I also think the format of your poem would be better presented if it was split up into quatrains, it makes it a bit easier to read.

Overall another good poem, keep it up!


- Infinity x

Hello dear, here to review!

Wow, I'm really impressed by this. I feel like you set out knowing exactly what you wanted to say, and then said it as nicely as it could have been said. The rhythm was very well paced and even, which is really really hard to do. Kudos. I feel like you could have made it even better by splitting it into stanzas though. It's one long block of italics, and the meaning gets lost because the reader keeps looking to see if they're close to the end. Don't take this as a insult to your writing though, it's just human nature. But even so, you need to make it hard for the person to want to scroll down to the end to see how close they are. Splitting it into stanzas will help with that. Stanzas also make it more powerful and cause your thoughts to be more organized. I almost feel like these thoughts all run together into one big mess because they're all mushed together. Read it out loud, and where ever the natural breaks in the beat are, separate it into a stanza. It'll make it that much better. I would also remove the italics. Even if they are thoughts, I think regular text makes what you're saying more powerful. I don't know why I feel that way exactly, but it seems like italics are always very passive and should be used sparingly. Try putting it in regular text and see what you think.

Anyway, very impressive, I really liked your word choice and flow.
let me know if you have any questions~
Sparkx

Hi Kyla!

I am GeeLyria. I think we've seen each other around. But today, I am going to review for you.

This piece is sad, but well written, I must say. It was entertaining! The rhythm and flow were neat, and the punctuation was constant and well placed. I really appreciate that, so Congratulations on that! I also like that your lines seem to have the same length, which is attractive to the reader's eyes and keep them from being lazy.

However, I have one thing to suggest~ and that is to create stanzas. We need spaces for the reader to breathe. A long poem without stanzas is like a skycrapper without windows. D: And that is NOT cool! I studied your piece and I figured this poem would be lovely if it was divided into Quatrains (four lines space, four lines space, etc) and then the three last lines would be left at the end.

I also spotted a little error:

My parent's are people

Oh this poem is really sad yet really pretty. It has a good rhythm and beat. Good placement of words and quotations. You can really sense that the boy is sad and missed his parents, yet is proud about who they were. This poem almost made me cry a little though that is good, cause you are able to carry the mood over to the readers.