Royalty : 1. A Plan

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            It was my Papa who first hatched the plan. He’d just come in from feeding our pigs, covered in mud and slop. We’ve got ten pigs, each of ‘em fine and fat. Someday we’ll butcher ‘em and sell off the meat, getting us through another winter—us being my Mama and Papa, my five brothers and me, the middle sister. Mama hates it when Papa comes inside in his work clothes, but that day he didn’t much care.

            His eyes were sparkling with good humor, like they always do when he gets a good idea. It ain’t often, if you ask me, but sometimes he gets an idea he just can’t keep to hisself, and then there’s all sorts of fun to be had, usually in watching Mama tear it apart.

            Mama asked him what his good idea was this time, and he grinned, leaning back against her mantel as if he wasn’t all dirty. She glared daggers. “The queen’s gettin’ along in years, and they’re choosing themselves a new Princess, to take her place.” Papa said. He can’t ever just get to the point of a thing; he has to wander about and make you look for it.

            “Aye?” Mama asked. She wasn’t gonna have anything to do with that today. “I don’t see how it’s any of our business, what the nobles does in their spare time. Stars know they make enough fuss and work for the rest of us. We don’t have to go causin’ trouble and stirrin’ up spite.”

            “The law says anybody can send a girl to the Choosin’, so long as she’s purty and respectful.” Papa continued, hardly paying any attention to Mama. That’s usually how their arguments go, cause Papa can’t stop his thoughts or he’ll lose ‘em.

            Mama looked at me, then back to Papa. “What are you tryin’ to say, Jin?”

            “Gwyn’s awful purty, ain’t she?” Papa asked. He was staring at me, taking in my yellow hair and my skin. My friends say I have golden hair and creamy skin, but they’ve never been ones who could tell a pink sow from a cream’un, so I’m not gonna trust their word much. “We could send her along to the Choosin’.”

            I still remember how my hands clenched around the pot I was holding, and my stomach clenched all together just like ‘em. The Choosing was instituted years ago by the Salaran Council. They decreed that instead of the crown passing from mother to daughter, like it had for hundreds of years, there would be a girl randomly chosen from the kingdom.

            So, whenever a queen dies or turns 55, all the eligible girls in the kingdom are gathered together and tested – on beauty, wisdom, grace, manners, diplomacy. All the important things a girl needs to know. The best girl is chosen to be the next queen. There hasn’t been a Choosing that I can remember, because I wasn’t even a twinkle in my Mama’s eye when our queen was chosen.

            Mama was staring at me then, her eyes wide and panicked like they got when we thought my oldest brother was gonna die. “Jin, that ain’t funny,” she said. “We can’t send Gwyn off, just like that.”

            “We’d not be sendin’ her off for long.” Papa answered, still looking pleased with hisself. “Just ‘till all the testin’s over, and then she’d be back…or we’d be there, livin’ it up inside a palace. Just think on’t, Alis. All the silks you want, and then some.”

            “But sendin’ her off is different…”

            I ran then, just set the pot down and left. Our house is little; it ain’t more than three steps from the table to the door. I took ‘em in one leap and left the door hanging open behind me. Somehow my legs got tangled up in my dress and I went sprawling, and Papa was there, helping me up and dusting me off.

            “See, the girl ain’t even got enough grace to keep herself from going face-first into the dirt!” Mama was saying behind us. “They’d make short work of her, with their prissy manners and nice clothes.”

            Papa always said I’ve got a stubborn streak in me, and this was no different. The idea that I didn’t even have a chance made me all angry, and I pulled myself away from Papa, putting my chin up in the air like I’d seen rich girls do.

            “I could do it.” My voice sounded all trembly to me, but Mama looked surprised, so I guess it came out better than I thought. “I could go and try. They might laugh, but I won’t care, and I’ll try my best.”

            She seemed a little shocked, and for a minute I thought she’d cry, but Mama can’t stand against Papa and me both. She told me I could go. I was going to enter the Choosing.

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kaitlyn
Review

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okayy...this was a pretty neat start to a story here. I think it has just about the sort of things you want to see in a story like this and it was certainly interesting enough to get my attention and get it pretty quickly here. :D

Anyway let's get right to it,

It was my Papa who first hatched the plan. He’d just come in from feeding our pigs, covered in mud and slop. We’ve got ten pigs, each of ‘em fine and fat. Someday we’ll butcher ‘em and sell off the meat, getting us through another winter—us being my Mama and Papa, my five brothers and me, the middle sister. Mama hates it when Papa comes inside in his work clothes, but that day he didn’t much care.

His eyes were sparkling with good humor, like they always do when he gets a good idea. It ain’t often, if you ask me, but sometimes he gets an idea he just can’t keep to hisself, and then there’s all sorts of fun to be had, usually in watching Mama tear it apart.


Okay...well, this is an interesting little start here. I think you've done a nice job establishing a sort of generic sense of what's going on and where we are by establishing this happy little family and a father who appears to like bringing up ideas for the mother to shoot down. So far it all seems like a good natured, happy family here.

Mama asked him what his good idea was this time, and he grinned, leaning back against her mantel as if he wasn’t all dirty. She glared daggers. “The queen’s gettin’ along in years, and they’re choosing themselves a new Princess, to take her place.” Papa said. He can’t ever just get to the point of a thing; he has to wander about and make you look for it.

“Aye?” Mama asked. She wasn’t gonna have anything to do with that today. “I don’t see how it’s any of our business, what the nobles does in their spare time. Stars know they make enough fuss and work for the rest of us. We don’t have to go causin’ trouble and stirrin’ up spite.”


Hmm, well this is a fun little conversation to start things off with, and I can almost where this is going already. I'm really loving this start so far. It seems like a very casual idea that you'd have as a bit of a joke but yet it also sounds like its going to be pretty interesting.

“The law says anybody can send a girl to the Choosin’, so long as she’s purty and respectful.” Papa continued, hardly paying any attention to Mama. That’s usually how their arguments go, cause Papa can’t stop his thoughts or he’ll lose ‘em.

Mama looked at me, then back to Papa. “What are you tryin’ to say, Jin?”


I see the mother has also caught on to it pretty quickly, and it honestly does seem like a neat plan there. For the laws of a place to work like that is also pretty interesting and if indeed just about anyone can become a princess as they have the right qualities seems like a really interesting and fair system, although of course it depends on what qualities they chose based on.

“Gwyn’s awful purty, ain’t she?” Papa asked. He was staring at me, taking in my yellow hair and my skin. My friends say I have golden hair and creamy skin, but they’ve never been ones who could tell a pink sow from a cream’un, so I’m not gonna trust their word much. “We could send her along to the Choosin’.”


Well there comes the plan...I could see that one approaching from several miles but away but yet I do love this almost cautious sounding delivery by the father. He almost seems afraid of being yelled at for bringing up the idea.

I still remember how my hands clenched around the pot I was holding, and my stomach clenched all together just like ‘em. The Choosing was instituted years ago by the Salaran Council. They decreed that instead of the crown passing from mother to daughter, like it had for hundreds of years, there would be a girl randomly chosen from the kingdom.


That actually sounds like a really nice system that would erode away any kind of potential hatred the people had for a royal family, although of course like all systems there are definitely a sackload of problems that could come out of it too.

So, whenever a queen dies or turns 55, all the eligible girls in the kingdom are gathered together and tested – on beauty, wisdom, grace, manners, diplomacy. All the important things a girl needs to know. The best girl is chosen to be the next queen. There hasn’t been a Choosing that I can remember, because I wasn’t even a twinkle in my Mama’s eye when our queen was chosen.


Welll...dropping in that little nugget of backstory there works out really nicely. Usually I don't like having explanations hand delivered like this at the very first chapter, but here this is nice and short and it lets us know just about enough to understand the situation without going on for too long and it also happens to be immediately relevant to the situation that's presently unfolding.

Mama was staring at me then, her eyes wide and panicked like they got when we thought my oldest brother was gonna die. “Jin, that ain’t funny,” she said. “We can’t send Gwyn off, just like that.”

“We’d not be sendin’ her off for long.” Papa answered, still looking pleased with hisself. “Just ‘till all the testin’s over, and then she’d be back…or we’d be there, livin’ it up inside a palace. Just think on’t, Alis. All the silks you want, and then some.”


Okay...the mother does seem to have some valid concerns while the father is trying to defend his idea. This is nice to see, I was kind of expecting the mother to jump at the idea because of the whole chance of being royalty, but it looks like this is a mother who tends to think about things a little bit more thoroughly than that.

[qutoe]“But sendin’ her off is different…”

I ran then, just set the pot down and left. Our house is little; it ain’t more than three steps from the table to the door. I took ‘em in one leap and left the door hanging open behind me. Somehow my legs got tangled up in my dress and I went sprawling, and Papa was there, helping me up and dusting me off.[/quote]

Well, yeah that's definitely not the kind of behavior that would be expected of a princess, so that's a bit on the rougher side of things, not a great first impression to make the moment after the idea was suggested.

“See, the girl ain’t even got enough grace to keep herself from going face-first into the dirt!” Mama was saying behind us. “They’d make short work of her, with their prissy manners and nice clothes.”

Papa always said I’ve got a stubborn streak in me, and this was no different. The idea that I didn’t even have a chance made me all angry, and I pulled myself away from Papa, putting my chin up in the air like I’d seen rich girls do.


Oooh, I love that moment. The mother using that bit of clumsiness to try and support her point and then the girl acting very much her age by immediately deciding that if her mother says she can't do it, then she will.

“I could do it.” My voice sounded all trembly to me, but Mama looked surprised, so I guess it came out better than I thought. “I could go and try. They might laugh, but I won’t care, and I’ll try my best.”

She seemed a little shocked, and for a minute I thought she’d cry, but Mama can’t stand against Papa and me both. She told me I could go. I was going to enter the Choosing.


Oooh, well, a good point to end this chapter here....the promise of this whole potential ceremony and I'm gonna assume this is how the story shall go here. At any rate, this is a pretty neat start.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, this is a pretty fun little start to this here piece. I think it's certainly interesting enough for me to want to keep reading and there's honestly not much for me to point out here. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry



I wish literally anything else I ever said made it into the quote generator.
— CowLogic