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141,293 Literary Works • 674,334 Reviews
aww, I loved this poem
Although the topic was a little cliche, I think it was brilliant. It was sad, but not too emotional at the same time. It flowed reasonably well, and the words just went together seamlessly. The only nitpick I would have is with the rythym/syllables.
These are the lines I think need work:
I know that you are using me,
But you'll never let me go.
The bottom line sounds strange, but I really don't know how you'd change it, it just sounds heavy? quick? O.O
You know that you broke my heart,
You know that you're my world.
same for the top line here. I'd suggest adding have/had before 'broke'
and my favourite stanza ^_^
But while your standing by my side,
I'll believe your lies forever.
Cause everything seems so perfect,
When we are together.
<3
Apart from that, it was perfect
Keep up the writing!
~Tinkem
i think this is a really good poem, and i think that it really goes good together
keep writting
~klemieux51
Sad... Nicely written though. Good job!
Keep Writing,
~FW~
Heyyy, this is awesome! I have no nitpicks with it because I whizzed through it - excited to see where it ended up! I loved it!
Keep writing,
Alzora