Written during a night of pure contemplation, regret, and painful reminiscing, I had to let go. I feel like I did so in this hastily scribbled image...
I turn, and then I turn again,
finding no end to this spiraling staircase.
It hovers above earth, beyond all comprehension,
its depths lead to an end that man could never wholly fathom.
Climbing stone after stone, softly treaded
as I slowly proceed, already fatigued and weary.
To what end I trudge towards, I do not know.
In hope, my faith is placed, and so is my reserve.
It can be considered an honor to ascend these steps,
or a curse, if you wish it so. But be sure to remember
that regardless, the steps are only steps in the end.
March or crawl, you will find nothing but your own reflections
staring you in the face as you stagger upwards.
All the dreams accomplished or failed,
all the tragedies played out, or the triumphs reported,
All on display in your head, never ceasing,
Just like this staircase, eternally ignorant of your weakened state.
How I long for someone who can carry me,
take a shortcut and send me hurtling,
past the flights of steps, up towards something different,
perhaps something good. How I wish I could see,
what awaits, and if there is some reward for all my tasks fulfilled,
Or even what punishment I may deserve for crimes I’ve committed.
If there is any hope in this madness, I cherish it greatly,
and climb continually, despite the odds that
there may be no reward at the end; just a void of nothing.
So if I could find that one person to keep me standing,
look them in the eye, knowing they’re always there,
I would never fear the sun again, or its poor timing,
announcing another day I wish would die.
Nor would I wish that I could step into that void,
never to return to all that exists.
…
Yet here I am, no one behind me on these steps,
and I know that no one can follow me where I go now.
I must move on as I always do: alone and solo.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey there Krupp. I have a habit of picking on random pieces to review, so that's how I came across your piece. Please excuse me if I miss out a letter or an apostrophe, my laptop isn't quite accustomed to having lemonade poured over it. xD Shall we begin:
I enjoyed this poem. I like works that have stairs in them, as almost all seem to signify that something is progressing, and as we read on in the work it is almost as if we, too are climbing stairs.
It seemed to me as though you were trying to portray someone facing up to the fact that they didn't care anymore. That they didn't care about the unknown, that they were going to face it.
And that per'aps that unknown was... death?
Anyway, sorry for this being a rather terrible critique, bug me later and I'll re-do it for you. xD
~Kirsten
Wow. This poem did impress me. It was very unique and well-expressed. I could imagine myself walking on a stairway as I read this. The message conveyed here was clear enough, and at the same time, the imagery was wonderful.
Very good job, I look forward to more of your work.
Keep it up! ^^
Hi there Krupp! June here!
When I first clicked on this, I wasn't quite sure what to expect, and I dare say that my expectations were quite low.
I'm impressed.
The ideas that you're presenting us with all seem vaguely familiar; I'm not sure if that is because the scenario being presented represents a challenge in life that we all face. I felt connected to this; I could feel myself in the author's shoes, sense their troubles and feel it as it went around.
I really enjoyed how this seemed to "unravel". The more I read, the more I had to keep reading. It's the type of piece that you just have to finish reading.
And, in the same way that it seems like you're going on, moving forward, it seems like you're also letting go; almost willingly letting yourself fall prey to whatever awaits you.
I have very little constructive criticism to offer, dear. The only thing I can point out is this:
I believe that it would be fitting to add a comma after "So," dear.
I truly enjoyed this. This is the type of poem that I would read over and over and over again.
Well done; Keep it up!
June