Published March 19, 2008
Desire
Do I want it? Can I hold on?
Or will I press forward
Burying the end once again?
It's safe to say
I've never tried
To learn the first time
And when all things go down
Faces will frown
I can't understand why we never tried before...
(Chorus)
Feeling so convicted
Did you really believe it was me
Hiding behind the seed
An angel just trying to believe
I can't promise that you can trust me
Can't promise I won't speak
But I'll try to guide us
Through the eternal sleep
The lips, the teeth
The skin, the relief
Her body
Feel it, sweet
So mouth-watering
I forgot who I am
I don't remember anymore
I never want to again
'Cause I've got what I've wanted
Never wanted a spirit
Just wanted pleasure
And the razors that lie beneath the skin
(Chorus)
Feeling so convicted
Did you really believe it was me
Hiding behind the seed
An angel just trying to believe
I can't promise that you can trust me
Can't promise I won't speak
But I'll try to guide us
Through the eternal sleep...
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It was a little too rhyme-y for me, and because of that, I didn't find it making a lot of sense. There's not a lot that I found particularly new and interesting, just song-ideas I've heard for ages. I think narrowing the focus on the song, from the whole concept of desire to the ends or the means. Parts like the chorus seemed to veer off-topic a little, and served to confuse me even more :/
Ooh, I likey! There's something quite dark about it; mysterious. It's got a good meter for the most part and I really loved the line "Burying the end once again".
. Am I looking too deep, or am I just being my idiotic self again?
I'm not too sure about the line "Hiding behind the seed" though. I can't for the life of me figure out what it means
In the second verse the rhythm seems a bit bumpy to start with. Unless you've made it to fit a specific melody I'd suggest getting rid of the "the" before "relief".
I really like the part about the razors too. Good use of imagery there. Actually, you've used a lot of imagery in the second verse. It's pretty awesome.
Those are just my thoughts. It's a very enigmatic lyric although I think a few parts need revising. Can I just ask, out of interest, what kind of melody do you envisage for this lyric? Fast? Slow? I, personally, can hear a slow melody in a minor key.
Keep up the good work