He cannot confess what he has not done
during his trial underneath the sun.
And yet enduring his burden he smiles,
making his troubles seem gray and mild.
Scathed by flames and hung on a pole
his life they stole.
But only for a moment...
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
He cannot confess what he has not done (fine)
during his trial underneath the sun. (fine)
And yet enduring his burden he smiles, (fine)
making his troubles seem gray and mild. (gray is awkward)
Scathed by flames and hung on a pole (Awkward)
his life they stole.
But only for a moment... (no ellipsis)
Another religious one. Well... I don't get your fifth line's beginning, but it makes sense. It just seems rather short and that you were going to expand it. While fine in structure and composition, it is emotionless and that damages the piece.
I really like the theme in this =D
And the poem is so simple, simple rhymes, short, sweet, I like it though, because it kinda goes along with the whole "making his troubles seem mild" thing. The ending has a bittersweet edge to it, which I love.
Ahh, maybe a comma after the 5th stanza? Other than that I've got nothing to critique against. Seriously, you did a good job.
~ Audy
I liked this. I think maybe you should add more though. Keep writing and good luck!!