Sometimes a man has to feel,
Just to know that he has arrived.
To feel the cold crisp air in your lungs,
Gives a sharp pain to the throat.
It can help you keep real
and aware of what the true danger is:
missing out on what has been placed before you.
Rain beckoning a colder afternoon,
Not a man within sight of the eye.
The trees speak tones louder,
and if one listens,
both to the trees and his own heart,
He can find God wherever he goes.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
Personally one of the best endings I've ever read.
It was short, sweet and to the point. You got your message across beautifully without being TOO obvious.
You should think about adding to the middle though. I couldn't help thinking "I WANT MORE!!" at the end. lol
Great job, and keep on writing!
~Eyes of Eden
Yes, very good job. This poem reminds me of standing in a serene forest (for some reason).
Keep up!
absolutely he can find God wherever he goes... even YWS. i liked the poem, rhthym was interesting and unexpected, the mood was good.
Wow, excellant work. The last line was fantastic. Great job and keep writing!
I loved it. I truly did.
The last line did it for me.
Keep writing
I liked it.
The ryhthm was very unpredictable and hard to detect.
I was surprised by what was coming.
It flowed overally well and the lines were very emotionally striking.
I loved the beginning. It spoke true to it's word.
It's the turht and I liked that..
I love your style
You're just great.
Amazing stuff you have.
9/10