Published June 7, 2010
Elegy For Lost Boys
Wander beneath blood-black skies, who art thou ravished? -
Under sickly mounds of human squander; these purgatorial shades,
E'er bare hellish laughter. Wherefore wander these, tormented minds? -
Swelter beneath blood-smear masks, of dead masquerades.
Wading sloughs of flesh these helpless wander,
Treading eerie Limbo, henceforth, endlessly ere gates of hell;
Scratching madly with eyeballs back in their brains,
Drowning themselves within screeching calls of Dawn's tolling knell.
Poem Copyright 2009 - 2010
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Hey there, KrimZen. I have to admit that first of all I was a total sucker for reading your poem just because of its title: "Elegy for Lost Boys - and to be a little more honest, that was only possible because it does not include the tragically specifying word 'the'; then I would have not read it for fear of some perversion or painfully orthodox reference to Never Never Land.
Now, on to the critique:
- beautiful vocabulary, but tackily over-burdened; compromising composition isn't worth it for anything. I have no complaint about one single word specifically that you use, but that the poem for reasons in that area looses some sparkle and weight.
- Why do you have dashes after question marks, but not comas? Emily Dickens can have her pat on the back for originality, but how are you going to sing that in an original way? And can you explain to me what your use for these dashes are because they don't make sense. Not meaning to drill you, but I do think that I am asking fair questions. Emily Dickens can't be asked them because she's published post-humously.
And I still have a hard time interpreting this: ... So, I honestly don't get this poem, or don't want to get it.
Help me out here?
-M.
Am I supposed to review this? Lol