5 struggles of having an absent parent

Everyday 353,000 babies are born. 51,000 of them are put up for adoption. Bound to the destiny of either being claimed or being bounced from foster house to foster house. The other 302,000 are a different story. Those kids will either have two parents, an absent parent, or a parent that will abandon them. Some people are confused between an absent parent and a parent who has abandoned their child. An absent parent is a parent that is physically there but is physically (through an involvement aspect), emotionally, mentally unavailable. A parent who has no involvement in their child's life besides just existing. As for me, I had an absent mom who then later on moved to a different state. I had a parent who chose to get to know me and still decided she didn't want to be there for me. Many of us go through this, surprisingly.

Here are some struggles kids like myself had to go through:

1. A void and lingering for that parent.

I, personally, always thought 'I want my mom' whenever something scared me or something bad happened to me. And although I never really experienced what it was like to have one, I knew that a mother was supposed to be comforting. I wasn't necessarily lingering for the comfort of my biological mother, but for someone to be a mother to me. There's a certain void in a child's heart that only a mother can fill.

2. Appreciating some things more than most

When you hear your friend complaining about her mother, you would tend to think "at least you have one". On the outside you act like you can relate and try to be like the other teenagers who hate their moms. I remember seeing little girls and even teenagers with their moms, and wondering what it would be like to have one.

3. Trying to find a normal

There are some important things that a mother teachers her daughter. How to be a mother, how to dress, how to act, etc. When the opportunity to observe and learn those things are taken, a child looks elsewhere for those things.

4. We can be harder to love and accept love

From personal experience, I have trouble with commitment and believing anyone could love me when the person that's supposed to love me the most didn't. We tend to push others away rather than letting them in. Feel lucky if we do let you in.

5. We long for acceptance

That's why kids with absent parents can easily go down the wrong path. If they aren't steered by anyone, they can possibly act the way others (bad influences) act and believe that's how she/he is supposed to act.

We want to be like everyone else. We want to act like not having a parent is minuscule and doesn't affect us as a human being. But I can attest that it very much does. It's a huge deal to not have a parent. Both a mother and father can provide different things for a child and both are needed. We want to act hard and strong like nothing can break us. In reality, we can be the most sensitive people once our walls come down. My thoughts and prayers go out to the kids that are like how I used to be. My piece of advice to you is: You matter. Even when you don't think you do. Your worth is not measured by others, but in your ability to love. Family is not measured by the color of someone's skin or the blood within them, but the amount of love in their heart. Anyone can be family.

You are loved.