Young Writers Society

Hello there!

Your work is good, very good. It's nice that you are saying to be awake, to live in present. But, why are you saying that, dreams are just nothing but bullshit? I don't think that.
you see, dreams are very necessary for us, like petrol is for engines.

To make the most of your life, you should learn from the past, have dreams for future and live your present to fulfill those dreams. at least, i think so.

Your dreams will lead you to your desired future.

"Again and Again,

I'm Reminded, I Remember,

that Dreams are false

I need to be awake"

Nice poetry, strong lines. But, for me, DReams are important.

What is a dream really? That's a question I ask myself. It's crazy, because some of our dreams can be good and some can be not so good. Some dreams are scary while other dreams leave a smile on our faces. Why do we dream when we sleep? Why are there some dreams we remember more than others? I don't really get dreams, but I understand where your coming from. Its ok that you can only see her in your dreams, they might be trying to tell you something. You never know! The speed of your heartbeat when she sits next to you, is the anxiety you feel from waiting on someone you had a thing for for such a time. Keep hope alive and keep your eyes on the prize, you can finish the race and get your reward.

I loved your poem, but I did not like how you put it in that type of pattern.

This is a grammar mistake

You Never,

come to see me

which my Heart I offer

Other then that thought it was amazing.

Hey there, my review will be split into two parts. One for technicalities, and one for my overall impression of your poem.

First of all, let me commend you on your title. It fits the core idea of the poem as well as the arrangement of the stanzas quite well. The clockwise order of the stanzas goes with the title, as if it's completing one full cycle of "sleep" before "waking up".

Beats and Beats,

My Heart, My Soul,

does when She comes

to stand next to Me.


Beats and Beats My Heart, is fine...but loses its suitability at My Soul because souls do not 'beat'. The line "when She comes to stand next to Me." contains one to-imperative too many. Perhaps "when she stands next to me" sounds a bit more grammatically correct.

Spelling error: It's soothe, not sooth.

There should also be a comma after 'sore'.

The second 'Sadly' in "Sadly but Sadly" is redundant. The 'but' conjunction serves to display contrast, and these two words are the same. Perhaps you can try rephrasing this line.

Grammar mistake:

You Never,

come to see me

which my Heart I offer

Consider re-fragmenting this phrase. 'Me' is a personal pronoun, meaning that its relative pronoun should be whose, who or whom. I couldn't think of a correction. Perhaps you could try rephrasing. Also, there shouldn't be a comma after 'never', even if it's meant to denote a pause. The pause is implied at the end of each line.

"I remind" should be "I'm reminded" because you are experiencing an awakening, not causing someone else the awakening.

The line 'I need to Awake' sounds pretty, but grammatically wrong. Awake is a noun, and what should follow a to-imperative is a verb. So a better construction would simply be "I need to wake up."

Lastly, there is too many unnecessary capitalization of words. I understand that it is intentional, but if most of everything is capitalized, the impact of the words you really want to stress upon is watered down. Traditionally, capitalized personal pronouns (He, She, They, Us) refer to God, deities, and higher beings.

There's room for improvement but this just means that you carry the potential to go so much further. Don't stop writing!

nice..