This story (or tale, in terms of SCP) was made for the SCP Foundation GOI 2014 Contest, in which we were assigned to do a couple of tales and articles. This work is supposed to be short story (or tale) in which is based off of another tale related to a theme, in which we were assigned to do Doctor Wondertainment. Ryuta and I (GuardedFlames) worked on this for quite a while, but sadly, it didn't meet the community standards (along with other works we posted) and fell into a negative net vote, but however, I feel as if this site's community would enjoy it. Though it never went into the positive rating, it still is my best work.
This story is based off "The Tinkerer" and "Total Recall", both of which I do not own, so this entire concept is not completely original but the story itself is. You can view my original work here.
Also, SCP Foundation is also a very, VERY hard website to work on. Most of the articles and tales are made to near perfection and critiqued HEAVILY before being posted onto the main website. It's not that it's terribly bad, it just didn't meet the community's standards, so don't start judging, haha.
DEFECT
Inside of a large warehouse built of aluminum, there is a large machine, with the sole purpose of erecting dozens of new toys for hours on end. Each and every one of the toys spewed out of the machine were all crafted with the highest quality of craftsmanship, as if handmade. The work poured into this machine sapped the life and money of many workers, but in the end, was an incredible advancement in the creation of toys. From here, The Doctor could take the outpit and place it in the market, where it would be sold to the children. The feeling of giving happiness to others was a big enough reward for the creators.
Alongside the machine laid tables of stainless steel in which piles of tools were laid out on top of towels of oil and sweat. Large tools, small tools, long tools, short tools, spinning tools, drilling tools, fine tools, and blunt tools. Next to the long, steel tables were bins with piles of metal, cloth, fur, and wood in which tall, small, fat, and skinny men and women used their tools to craft with the highest of quality.
Once they finished their masterpiece, the men and women would place their work of art into a machine that would begin duplicating the object. From here, the Doctors would come down and view the product, and run checks on Entertainment Value, Safety, and Creativity. They couldn't just make something shoddy. That would ruin the name of Wondertainment.
Though many men and women would create new objects for entertainment, one particular woman instead recreated memories. She had a most unusual childhood, tainted with strange circumstances which some would chalk to luck. She was not some. She knew of the hidden world. From a young age, she had noticed things in her life were not always… right. Ice cream boxes would refill themselves without any effort, cards came to life and played against her by themselves, and her CD player would play whatever song that was just right for her. However, what she remembered most was, ironically, her Memory Box, a strange object she had discovered at a store around the age of eleven.
The Memory Box was carved out carefully and elegantly, with smooth curves around the rims, golden trims and silver locks shined around the edges, with a small window at the top to put a picture. When opened, it revealed a mass of clockwork with hundreds of tiny gears and axles which clicked and twirled as slowly and elegantly with soothing, metallic chiming. In a small corner lay a smaller lever of gold. Once switched, everything around you was remembered by the box. It would keep remembering until the switch was turned off.
In the opposite corner lay another lever of silver. Whenever the box was opened, the user would whisper of a memory and push the silver lever. They were then whisked away to the imaginary world, in which there memory was no longer a memory, but instead, a vivid and clear recreation of the event. The memory would end whenever the length of the recorded memory reached its end, or, as a safety measure, when the user flipped the silver lever back to its original position.
After discovering the product, she was completely wonder-struct. She had been fascinated by the object, and, after doing more research into the creator, purchased almost everything she could find. From then on, she had made it a goal to someday work for someone who could do such incredible things. The day after she graduated from college, with her Marketing and Child Studies degree in hand, she set off to fulfill her dreams.
She did it.
Ten years later, she decided that this had been the perfect career choice for her. She still kept the originals of many of her products, and she had rose to the head of her department in quite a short amount of time. Much of this young woman's work had been successful, save one. It was one that haunted her until the end of her days. A mattress.
It was soft, comfortable, and indeed extremely bouncy. Another cherished memory from her childhood was bouncing on her bed, and she knew she was not alone in this. She would grab her brother's hand and jump on the bed for hours on end, screaming and laughing as the day passed away. Later, however, she became too big for the bed. There was no bump, and she never had enough room to jump with. This, at the very least, fixed one of her problems.
For days, she twisted the metal into springs, hammered the nails into wooden frames, stitched bed sheets of silk, and stuffed the mattress with cotton. By the end of the day, she was so into her work that a manager was forced to stay with her throughout the entire night. She stayed at her workbench until the next morning, at which time her product was finally complete. She simply rolled onto it and fell asleep.
She woke up the morning after, smiling with her head on the pillow as the same man that closed the warehouse walked back in to open it. He asked her why she had stayed so late, since it was unusual for any human being to become so absorbed in her work. She responded that her memories were precious to her and that other kids should be able to enjoy their childhood just as much as she did. After all, sometimes, making someone else happy is better than being happy yourself.
That afternoon, she took the mattress out into the open and laid on it again. The mattress was extremely comfortable, slowly caressing your body as you sank into its softness, slowly becoming cocooned in the silky fabric of the mattress. One of the Doctors noticed what was going on, and came over to inquire as to what she was doing. She got up and began to jump. She told the Doctor that she had created a part of her childhood, manifest in the future. She smiled and continued to jump. But the Doctor wasn't smiling. As far as he could tell, there was nothing unique about the mattress. Slowly, though, he began to notice the woman jumping higher and higher, flipping around in the air with ease and landing back on the mattress without harm. The woman giggled a little bit, and the Doctor smiled.
The mattress was taken from the woman, and production began. After some deliberation, the product was simply named the Super Bouncy Mattress™. It was released soon after testing, and became an incredible hit, not only for its height while jumping, but also because of how incredibly comfortable it felt.
Sadly, however, this success quickly ended. A report of a major accident came in the mail. A kid has died from a spring flying off from the mattress. Upon examination, it was discovered that, while she was jumping, the young Tinkerer had dislodged a spring. Since the product was cloned one after another, each product was vulnerable to the same thing happening.
And so, for the first time, Dr. Wondertainment, Co, was forced to issue a total recall of their mattresses. The woman was nearly fired as well, with her career only saved after she recreated the same product without the feature.
After a stressing meeting with her bosses, she felt something jiggle in her back pocket. She pulled out her Memory Box. Interestingly, it sounded as though it was running. Opening it, she saw that the gold lever had been pulled, along with a note inside, with the words Never Forget written on it.
As she began to cry, the golden lever slowly returned to its original position.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
The story is interesting. I'm assuming the ending is supposed to by implying that the Memory Box is working on it's own, just like stuff did around her as a kid, and that she's crying because she's worried it'll make her relive these memories at some point. It took me a little bit to figure that out, but I'm not sure if that's because you were subtle with your writing, or if you just didn't go into as much detail as you should have with her childhood.
You do need to do some more editing on the story though. I noticed a few mistakes peppered through such as one point where you mixed up there and their. Also the fact that the thing she remembered most was a Memory Box is not irony.
So, basically it's a decent story that is still in need of some polishing.
Hi
First of all i need to appreciate you for putting your thoughts /experiences in web.I like the way you described the things or feelings.It would be in a better way if you kept the above story in a conversational way( Conversations will attract than plain articles right?).the premise for the story is interesting .I wish the story exist a bit longer ,means another page is also ok.
The ending is the best thing in the story which brought a new beauty to the whole story.
Writing is the best way of expressing our thoughts and it is also a best way to get clarity over our thoughts ,so keep writing and never quit.
Bye mate.