Published July 10, 2012
My name is Raziel Carter, and I will tell you a tale like no other.
My life has been a rather boring life. School, chores, friends that I see.....however that all changed when I was given this "gift"....no curse by a so called "High Entity". The power to make any book come to life and into the real world. I have lived many lives, I have been called a hero, a villian, a God, and demon. It was fun for a few years until the day my childhood friend "Eliza Stein" got stuck in my world of fantasy's. She was accused for being a witch and was burned to a stake. I tried to stop it, but my powers would not let me. I remember that I spared the life of a girl that was supposed to be in her place.
I killed her........and only to find out that this power had consequences as to which who I spared or killed in these books and tales. As well of those around me in the real life that got pulled in.
I can change the will of the characters life to whichever way I choose. Be it life or death. Their fate is in my hand. I have lived for to long...I want this to end.
But all stories must come to a end...when will mine end? who knows.........
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140,266 Literary Works • 673,077 Reviews
A lot of questions have been actuated.
Do people in real life experience what you're experiencing whenever a book is lived through?
Why didn't your powers let you stop Eliza's death (you said everyone's fate is in your hands right?)?
e.t.c.
You could have stated the reason for receiving the gift from the 'High Entity'.
You use '...' too frequently. It got annoying the first two times I saw it.
Generally, I think the story is nice, and with a more time, you could have refined it more.
Try a better beginning than just telling the character's name. Maybe start with action, or dialogue. This just definitely be expanded, and try adding more details. Also it would be nice if you expanded some of the scenes, and this is much more of a summery, than a story.
Duly noted.The point was a summery of sorts.
When you said a short story ...you weren't kidding.
yup. haha
Write it!!! You have skills! I think this sounds like a interesting story and I think that your MC has a good voice. Meaning I don't think he sounds fake or stiff. So write more and I shall read it.
Go Fish!
DG
Thanks! Tell ya the truth I came up with this within a few mins (seeing just how far my abiity's can be). Was gonna do this if it'll pike any interest and "try" to do a chapter.
i think i have to agree with ROD here. it doesn't really look like a short story but rather a summary or a blurb. i supposed the plot, which you supplied us with great ease without any pauses made it a little summary like. the story seems like it was taken from an average YA fantasy story. So the concept isn't totally original.
anyway, but that's just me. hope to see more of your works.
Puck
I don't think this is a short story; not at all. This seems to me more like a summary, either of a novel or a short story. You could expand this into something greater.
As a short story, it fails. Skipping the grammatical stuff and all that (I think there are some, but because my native language isn't english I better say nothing about it), there is no development of the characters, no propper or compelling narrative, and it goes nowhere. There's no story.
This looks to me more like pitch, you know? This looks like the kind of things you say when you wanna sell a product (in my case, I'm familiar with pitches for movies) and you have to describe it quickly and efficiently. If you take it as that... it's pretty cool, man! If tell me that this is some sort of summary for a more complete and thoughtful story, I would go and buy; you would have me "hooked". The concept and plot are not completely original, but it's still a formula that draws my attention.
So... that's my review. I think you should work harder to make a novel or a novelette or a short story out of this.
And one more thing: do a research about universal literature. The story feels "unthoughtful" if you say you lived inside a novel, but you do not say which one.
Yea it is kinda like a summary.