Rooftops

Hi katie--


Although I get that you were attempting to be blunt and vague, that's fine. However, this this poem being four lines long about such a subject, the reader can't care about the subject. If a reader can't care about a subject, then they can't care for the poem.

Basically, there needs to be more to it. I think the first four lines are great, starts it off with a bang, but there needs to be several stanzas of follow-up. There days there are a thousand suicide poems in every two thousand total, and for one to succeed it needs to be strikingly different: a difference that can't be reached in four lines.

Good luck!

I don't like depressing poetry, you should be happy=]
There is alot more people out there who are worse off then you...(of course there is people that are better off as well....but you get my drift..?):D

I wasn't trying to be descriptive, I wanted it to be vague, sad, and blunt. Most of my other poems are the exact opposite, so I wanted to try a different direction. Thanks for your input, though.

okay well im really sorry i have to say this...i hate giving my opinion when it isn't very encouraging...

but i have to say this poem isnt my favorite. im not totally against depressing poems, which this one is, but i like depressing poems when they are written very well and descriptively, and when they have something to say, a point to make about that depressing subject.

however, i found that this poem was just kind of stating a fact, and was not very descriptive. it was a tad short to be descriptive anyway.

so yea, i dont really know what you were trying to get across with this poem and stuff. but thats okay, i have written not so awsome poems too, so dont be discouraged.