I remember you Just barely, but enough. Oh, you. Your sweet summer serenades, You and your fireflies buzzing in my stomach, Your sunshine made my palms drenched. I remember that night I feel my heart pound at the memory. Oh, my dear, We danced the night away, Generic pop sounded like a symphony, And you held my waist so tenderly. I remember kissing you I can’t believe I did it! Oh, gosh. You laughed as I stumbled on each word, You held my hand, You smiled. I remember your smile It was always changing. Oh, yes. When I indulged in my dreams, I couldn’t stop talking, And we laughed at kids behind us, You smiled. I remember crying Hard and ugly. Oh, no. Things weren’t going to work. You let go of my hand, We stopped talking, I stopped smiling. Now I don’t remember you This version, at least. Oh, my sweetheart, You are nothing but a stranger. Your voice became grating. Your touch feels foreign. Your laughter isn’t the same. You don’t smile like you did before. I don’t remember what happened to you What are you now? Oh, my. I thought I knew you, But then I grew up. You didn’t, And now you disgust me. I wonder if you still remember. Well, do you? Oh, your rose. Yes, I still have that rose. Plastic stems and fabric petals, Why did you buy me a fake? I thought you cared. I remember a time where you cared. And I wonder, Oh, my first love, What winter have you become?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
I'm not a romantic, I'll say that right off the bat, since i suppose it's somewhat important.
This vibes. The emotions carry me along as a reader, from begining to end, and I applaud you for that.
"I remember you
Just barely, but enough.
Oh, you."
Just the way you start that out. There's so much said in so little. Gosh.
"Now I don’t remember you
This version, at least."
That line hits hard. Connects to the beginning and end yes, and that's important, but also just by itself.
I think it's my favorite part.
In any case, this was lovely to read. Carried me along in a way I rarely experience outside of reading and I appriciate that.
I’ve never been in a romantic relationship before, but I always imagined the best. Of course, real life is different from what anyone can imagine. We meet people we feel connected to, and sometimes it doesn’t work. You become unsure whether or not you should trust that person. Reading this poem, I felt the beauty and sadness of a love that was no longer.
I wish you a lovely day and night.