Cover art for Calamity and Her Whims, Chapter 5

Calamity and Her Whims, Chapter 5

by KocoCoko

Published September 7, 2023

E - Everyone

In b. Calamity and Her Whims (novel)

One superpower about being raised without any technology or holovids was the fact that Eleanor could use crayons, pencils, and paper much better than other children. They were so used to tablets that they could barely write their own names. Many didn't even know how to color between the lines.

It was the one thing Eleanor could smile about.

Trolley had to help many smaller children refine their motor skills, and the three laughed at every failed attempt to grip a pencil.

"I can't believe it!" Taylor whispered as one of the teens desperately tried to scribble his name, "He's gotta be seventeen, right? He's almost an adult and can't use a pen! And did you hear his name, too? Who names their kid Ingenuity? That's just a word!"

Sophia huffed and wrapped an arm around her younger brother, patting his shoulder in a sisterly manner. "Well, Taylor, that's actually a fairly common name here. There's two types of names on Iris: Earthly names, like ours, or Iris names," she explained. Even Eleanor keened in on the conversation. She never paid much attention to those kinds of things. "Earth names are based more on religion and old-timey stuff, but the original cult that went to Iris wanted to leave behind all Earth tradition, so their names are more, hm, scientific, I suppose?"

"Cult?" Eleanor blurted out.

Sophia stiffened a bit and held her brother tighter. "It'll probably be explained more once we're in school, but my mom says that the first group to settle on Iris was a non-religious cult," Sophia grimaced, then added, "whatever that means."

Eleanor and Sophia both knew what it meant, but Taylor wasn’t supposed to. Sophia was sure her brother didn't understand such big words, but Eleanor saw Taylor shrink and process it all in his head.

“Why a cult?” Eleanor asked.

“I dunno,” Sophia shrugged calmly, “A lot of people considered them weird hippies, I guess. I hear Earth isn’t all that great, either. It’s only been a hundred years since trade, communication, and immigration has started."

Eleanor was floored by the flood of information. Had Daddy told her any of this? Maybe he did and she wasn't paying attention. No, she would've paid attention if it involved Iris. She just didn't care about Earth that much. She would especially care if it involved cults and Iris traditions. “How can you just say that?” Eleanor blurted. “I mean, isn’t that weird to talk about? How our ancestors were a cult?”

“No, not particularly,” she said. Even Taylor returned to his puzzle games. Was it only a big deal to her? Eleanor shrunk in her seat.

Sophia saw her shift in demeanor and sighed softly. “Well, it might also be because of my enhancement: calm temperament. I don’t get stressed often. I mean, I do, but I handle it better than even some adults do. Taylor has an absorbent mind, so he’s always learning new things!” She patted her brother’s shoulder proudly. “He’ll never stop learning, no matter if he’s seven or seventy-seven!”

Oh, great, more things she didn’t know. Eleanor’s utter confusion had Taylor shake his head with exasperation. “Genetech? You’ve never heard of it? Our mom was a head scientist at their facility,” he explained, “Honestly, it’s kind of a handicap to not have any enhancements.”

“You’re telling me it’s normal for us to have superpowers!?” Eleanor shouted. A few kids from the creche gave her an odd stare.

Sophia giggled a bit. “They’re not superpowers. They’re just enhancements. Their only purpose is to empower certain senses and traits.” Then, she pinched her brother’s cheek. He hissed. “And don’t call her handicapped. She’s our friend, genetically pure or not.”

Eleanor scratched her head. How long was she gone from Iris to forget all this? Maybe a better question was: how young? She could remember brief glimpses of life on the Isle of Fos, but she’d been on that floating rock for centuries (in kid time). Then a different question hit her. Why didn’t Daddy tell her about any of this? He was her father and teacher for six, almost seven years!

The train started with a rumble, and the pace picked up speed soon after that. A few of the younger toddlers stumbled over themselves when the sleek train accelerated. “Brace yourselves!” Trolley spoke from the intercoms, chipper as ever, “I apologize for how bumpy my start-up can be. As long as you’re sitting, everything will be fine!”

Eleanor held Sophia’s hand as if her life depended on it. Taylor had wrapped himself around her waist. She was coming to understand what her friend meant by 'calm temperament.' She barely seemed fazed as they both leaned on her for the last crash and rumble of the train. Their heads bobbed back and forth from the whiplash, but it stopped as suddenly as it started. “See!” Trolley’s screen flipped back down to reveal she was grinning wide. “Completely fine! Resume your play, young ones!” she chuckled. From then on, her computer began to follow the track attached to the ceiling, smiling and advising everyone who passed by. Some of the artsy kids even put stickers on her brightly colored monitor.

“Huh,” Taylor said. “That was it?”

“Suppose we’re in orbit,” Sophia commented, glancing out the sealed windows. “The power of technology.”

In orbit? Eleanor turned around to stare out the big cabin windows that reached all the way to the floor. She caught her breath. Moments later, she rushed out of her cushions and pressed her face and fingers against the glass. The world behind her disappeared and the vacuum of space consumed her.

The empty void of space was filled with sheer color. Purple and blue and white and orange and black and red and the entire rainbow– no, the entire spectrum of color! Eleanor couldn’t name half of what was out there!-- found between moons that spun and stars that went on forever. She’d seen the starry night sky and was fascinated by what was out there, but this? This was something else. Eleanor felt the air pushed out of her chest and she had to remind herself to blink in her transfixed state. From the corner of her eye, she could see a purple dot that was just a bit bigger than some of the others. A wormhole, spinning and glowing endlessly with no sign to ever stop pulsating. Eleanor knew it well. That was the way to Earth.

Ever changing, ever unknown space. Space. There was just something about the very word that lured her in. She charted out every star in her mind, named every moon that she’d forgotten about… The cosmos were her own for one brief moment. For one single moment, she was floating in space, aimless and blissful. Her feet didn’t feel the ground, and she reached out to the closest star…

“Eleanor?” Taylor called, chuckling, “You alright? You’ve been staring forever. We’re almost at the next stop.”

Eleanor snapped back to reality. Her feet landed and she felt heavy once more. “Oh. Sorry,” she murmured, returning to their couch. As Taylor went back to his puzzle games, Sophia couldn’t help but notice how badly Eleanor yearned for stars, sitting backwards in her seat just to admire them more.

Comments & reviews · 2
LuminescentAnt wrote a review Review · Sep 11, 2023

Hey Koco! Thanks for tagging me. I'm gonna leave a review for this chapter!

One superpower about being raised without any technology or holovids was the fact that Eleanor could use crayons, pencils, and paper much better than other children. They were so used to tablets that they could barely write their own names. Many didn't even know how to color between the lines.
It was the one thing Eleanor could smile about.

Interesting! So most of the kids are not as smart as Eleanor in terms of writing and stuff. That is pretty cool!
And did you hear his name, too? Who names their kid Ingenuity? That's just a word!"
Sophia huffed and wrapped an arm around her younger brother, patting his shoulder in a sisterly manner. "Well, Taylor, that's actually a fairly common name here. There's two types of names on Iris: Earthly names, like ours, or Iris names," she explained. Even Eleanor keened in on the conversation. She never paid much attention to those kinds of things. "Earth names are based more on religion and old-timey stuff, but the original cult that went to Iris wanted to leave behind all Earth tradition, so their names are more, hm, scientific, I suppose?"

That's an interesting fact. So Iris names aren't like Earth names, and they're complex words. I mean, I guess that makes kids have a better vocabulary? I don't know.
Eleanor and Sophia both knew what it meant, but Taylor wasn’t supposed to. Sophia was sure her brother didn't understand such big words, but Eleanor saw Taylor shrink and process it all in his head.

I think in this context, the word "complex" would be better for this, since "cult" is a four-letter word, and not actually that big. Or maybe not complex, maybe they call it "grown-up words"? I just think "big" is not the right may of explaining the word.
Sophia stiffened a bit and held her brother tighter. "It'll probably be explained more once we're in school, but my mom says that the first group to settle on Iris was a non-religious cult," Sophia grimaced, then added, "whatever that means."

A cult, huh? That is weird and interesting! I was thinking a lot when I read this, like, why a cult?
“You’re telling me it’s normal for us to have superpowers!?” Eleanor shouted. A few kids from the creche gave her an odd stare.
Sophia giggled a bit. “They’re not superpowers. They’re just enhancements. Their only purpose is to empower certain senses and traits.” Then, she pinched her brother’s cheek. He hissed. “And don’t call her handicapped. She’s our friend, genetically pure or not.”
Eleanor scratched her head. How long was she gone from Iris to forget all this? Maybe a better question was: how young? She could remember brief glimpses of life on the Isle of Fos, but she’d been on that floating rock for centuries (in kid time). Then a different question hit her. Why didn’t Daddy tell her about any of this? He was her father and teacher for six, almost seven years!

Lots of information here! Wait, I'm kind of confused, what are the "superpowers"? Were they mentioned before? Was I not paying attention? Maybe I need to reread the chapters.
Ooh, and there is some stuff about her being on the "floating rock." More information about stuff is always helpful for plot development.
The empty void of space was filled with sheer color. Purple and blue and white and orange and black and red and the entire rainbow– no, the entire spectrum of color! Eleanor couldn’t name half of what was out there!-- found between moons that spun and stars that went on forever. She’d seen the starry night sky and was fascinated by what was out there, but this? This was something else. Eleanor felt the air pushed out of her chest and she had to remind herself to blink in her transfixed state. From the corner of her eye, she could see a purple dot that was just a bit bigger than some of the others. A wormhole, spinning and glowing endlessly with no sign to ever stop pulsating. Eleanor knew it well. That was the way to Earth.

This paragraph is probably the best part of the chapter. I loved how you described it, along with mentioning all the colors that Eleanor saw. The imagery is really great in this paragraph, you did a great job!
Overall, I liked this chapter, although I think the plot pace could move a little quicker, but that's just me. I really enjoyed reading this!
Happy Writing!
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NadyaStatham
Review
NadyaStatham wrote a review Review · Sep 10, 2023

Salutations, curious mind!



Rinisha here, ready to dive into the pages of this intriguing story. 📚!

Buckle up, 'cause we're diving into my review magic! ✨

The Good Stuff:

First of all, let's talk about the parts that really rocked!

Your descriptions are wowsome, I still think it's genius that you came up with a whole new planet and the explanations for the name and the cult are also very thoughtful. I have the feeling like this is becoming a great science fiction novel.

Areas to Improve:✒️

Placing questions in your story is great, that way we hear what our protagonist and the other characters are thinking or feeling. I do think you should sometimes let the reader think on it’s own for your characters and not always place the questions, but just phrase your sentence in a way that it puts the reader to thinking.

Eleanor scratched her head. How long was she gone from Iris to forget all this? Maybe a better question was: how young? She could remember brief glimpses of life on the Isle of Fos, but she’d been on that floating rock for centuries (in kid time). Then a different question hit her. Why didn’t Daddy tell her about any of this? He was her father and teacher for six, almost seven years!

~~~

You already mentioned in chapter four that the train had started, I think you mentioned it here again:

The train started with a rumble, and the pace picked up speed soon after that. A few of the younger toddlers stumbled over themselves when the sleek train accelerated. “Brace yourselves!” Trolley spoke from the intercoms, chipper as ever, “I apologize for how bumpy my start-up can be. As long as you’re sitting, everything will be fine!”


If the train already started in chapter four and it was already on its way, why is it starting again? Or did the train stop somewhere? I didn’t read that. Perhaps you can do a quick scan on chapter four to see what I mean. This is just a little nitpick to help you.

~~~

I think you should try and simplify your language a bit, because Eleanor and Sophia seem a little too young to use such high words already.

For example:
Before;
Sophia saw her shift in demeanor and sighed softly. “Well, it might also be because of my enhancement: calm temperament. I don’t get stressed often. I mean, I do, but I handle it better than even some adults do. Taylor has an absorbent mind, so he’s always learning new things!” She patted her brother’s shoulder proudly. “He’ll never stop learning, no matter if he’s seven or seventy-seven!”


After;
Sophia saw her shift in demeanor and sighed softly. “Well, it might also be because of my improvement : calm temperament. I don’t get stressed often. I mean, I do, but I handle it better than even some adults do. Taylor is very open minded , so he’s always learning new things!” She patted her brother’s shoulder proudly. “He’ll never stop learning, no matter if he’s seven or seventy-seven!”


These are tiny suggestions, but they can make a huge difference.

Because over here, I think you nailed the dialogues along with Sophia’s age:

Sophia huffed and wrapped an arm around her younger brother, patting his shoulder in a sisterly manner. "Well, Taylor, that's actually a fairly common name here. There's two types of names on Iris: Earthly names, like ours, or Iris names," she explained. Even Eleanor keened in on the conversation. She never paid much attention to those kinds of things. "Earth names are based more on religion and old-timey stuff, but the original cult that went to Iris wanted to leave behind all Earth tradition, so their names are more, hm, scientific, I suppose?"


Nailed It!💐

To be honest, this part is so relatable. I love Taylor’s reaction and the fact that he whispers makes me want to place my ear near my laptop to listen to what he’s saying. (I love the name too, Ingenuity. Rare.)

"I can't believe it!" Taylor whispered as one of the teens desperately tried to scribble his name, "He's gotta be seventeen, right? He's almost an adult and can't use a pen! And did you hear his name, too? Who names their kid Ingenuity? That's just a word!"


Overall Feelings:

I think you did a cool job once again to make this chapter also a success like the last four ones. You have a nice writing style and an amazing concept. I love the fact that you keep the focus on the three main characters, but it would also be nice if you placed other points of views of for example what's going on with Eleanor's father or with Trolly and the grumpy conductor.

Be sure to check out…📔🔖

Since you're writing about science fiction and another earth, I would definitely recommend watching the Netflix series the 100. I’m not going to spoil a lot, but …

Spoiler

it’s about some kids who have lived their whole lives in space and are sent to earth for the first time. It is like about seven seasons, so if you want to just skip to season five or six, that’s where they arrive on another planet too which looks and almost is exactly like Earth.


Have a nice day or night further! Keep writing! You are amazing!

Amazingly yours,
Rinisha
– Be yourself and keep writing! 📖🎉

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