Hey there,
I'm here to leave you a review!
First of all, I really like the idea of where this story is going. I love your characters and their names too. Your descriptions and the flow of your story are what make your story the "good weird". That is very nice. I love your writing style too and I think you did a pretty fabulous job.
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Characters;
~ Eleanor
~ Sophie & Taylor
~ Daddy
Eleanor aka Ellie;
I really love the name you chose for her, because
I do think she could use some more character development. Not only because she is the protagonist. Place some more outward details of her.
For example;
Before:
Eleanor rubbed the tattoo on her shoulder. “Um, the Isle of Fos, I think. I was only there as a baby, though. Immigrated here after the Festival.”
After:
Eleanor brushed her hair aside to reveal the tattoo on her shoulder. Her brown eyes, matching her hair, left a spark as she turned her face to the tattoo and rubbed it. "Um, the Isle of Fos, I think. I was only there as a baby, though. Immigrated here after the Festival."
~
Sophie & Taylor:
The sibling relationship is nice. You have put some quarrels and disagreements here and there and that is only what makes this story more realistic. Because no sibling relationship is all rainbows and unicorns. I think that was very on point!
“When will it be?!” he barked. Tears welled up in his eyes, like an already fractured dam had just caved in. “It’s never been the time to talk about it, has it? Sorry to say, but you got your leg shot off and we were living in the middle of a war before Mom found us!”
Over here you let of some history/backstory of Sophia and Taylor which is great. But I think you should have developed it a little more and go deeper. I think it is too little information for this chapter only. Maybe let off some more about how she got a plastic metal leg. Or else it feels a bit left out and rushed. Think about it.
The woman quickly fixed her blonde hair and adjusted her coat, then fidgeting with every other part of her outfit. “Well, hello s-s-s sir!” she stuttered as she tied her hair into a ponytail. “S-s-s see I was just about to head over! How funny!” Despite the platinum blonde hair, the woman had thin eyes and tan skin. At first, Eleanor thought she could also be from Earth, like Daddy, but then she thought about how people from Iris had a chance of getting hair colors that weren’t the most natural. Supposedly a harmless mutation that could be passed down. A lot of blue and pink haired children were on the Isle of Fos because of it.
The woman was mostly normal, besides her stuttering and fashion choices. Sophia and Taylor were quick to latch onto her, and Eleanor simply wondered if there was any blood connection between them. Daddy made small talk with her for a while, leaving the children bored on the steps. Eleanor eavesdropped with a hawk’s eye. Taylor had already run inside, disappearing behind his mom’s legs.
Over here, I did get a bit confused. How is "the woman" Taylor's mother?? It looks a bit abrupt in there. Maybe build it up in little bits, so the reader will get to see the transitions.
Because you did mention her,
“Retina. Our mom was a medic,” Sophia stated.
And over here,
Her neighbors, on the other hand, devoured it. Even the strange woman named Ms. Molly Gatlon finished her plate in a record time.
Or did I get it wrong
and is she someone else
and are they three different persons??
~
Daddy
Daddy is another one of those amazing characters in a the story. I love that he cares for Sophie and Taylor as if they're his own, just like he does for Ellie. I also love the fact that he just answers all those little childrens questions with so much patience and sweetness. Just like a daddy is supposed to do.
Well, that was until she saw the look in Daddy’s eyes.
I love daddy's "look" too, because that "are" daddy's signiture pieces. It is funny, because usually mothers would have such a look on their face, it is great to see this in a father too. Nice detail about that!
Suggestion: I think "Daddy" could use some more character development too.
What does questions me is: Where is mommy? Or is she to be introduced the later chapters? Or did she perish?
~~~
Setting:
~ Earth
~ Iris & the Isle of Fos
Earth
I love Earth. (I mean who doesn't)
I think you did a great job placing the setting on earth, but the descriptions could benefit from some more describing.
(That is "good weird" phrasing, but please don't mind.)
As long as you can understand what I mean.
Iris & the Isle of Fos
I got a little confused between these two though. I don't quite understand which is which. I can't quite see the difference. They are both mythical and amazing islands, that I know
And I don't quite understand are Sophia and Taylor from the city like Earth or are they from Iris??
What did was very clear: That Ellie is/was from the Isle of Fos. I like the whole traditional backstory of the tattoo.
~~~
Title:
Calamity and Her Whims, Chapter 2
First of all, I really love the title, it is the main oficial reason I clicked to review this work.
Nice job, but... Here it comes.
Did you use "Calamity" from the 2020 movie?
FYI: Only if you don't know the movie yet.
I did think it was funny. So, is this supposed to be some kind of FanFic of the movie? Or is it something else? Is is (supposed) to be related to tha movie?
~~~
Overall, I think this was a very nice story and you did an amazing job! Your writing style is nice and diligent. You could make some improvements, but aside from that, this is a great idea. And I really like to see where you take things further.
Keep up the amazing job! Keep writing! Have a nice day or night!
Magically yours,
Rinisha
Points: 32606
Reviews: 227
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