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Young Writers Society


12+

Calamity and Her Whims, Chapter 2

by KocoCoko


“So, where are you guys from?” Eleanor asked. She began walking beside the kids as her father led the way. They didn’t really need to be led through such flat and colorful landscapes, but it didn’t hurt. 

“Retina. Our mom was a medic,” Sophia stated.

Eleanor’s eyebrow cocked up. She started Sophia up and down multiple times. “I never would’ve thought you’re from the big city.” 

“Well, you know how it is.” She didn’t, but by the look on her face, she could tell that the sprawling city landscape might not be what it once was. “I hear they'll be rebuilding it soon, though. What about you? Where are you from?”

Eleanor rubbed the tattoo on her shoulder. “Um, the Isle of Fos, I think. I was only there as a baby, though. Immigrated here after the Festival.”

Sophia and Taylor glanced at each other (some sort of sibling telepathy, probably). Taylor tilted his head. “Where’s Isle of Foos? Faus?”

Finally, her father overheard the conversation. “The Isle of Fos is right off the coast of Sclera. Well, a bit farther than that, but the point stands. It’s a really small island, but the people are very welcoming and cultural traditions have high importance to them.”

Eleanor rubbed her shoulder harder. She knew her father wasn’t from the isle, and it was easy to tell. He always was skeptical of the traditions and said he was biting his nails the entire ceremony, but he never judged. He said he was mainly scared that she'd be in pain when the tattoo was put on, but he failed to realize it wasn't a pen and ink that put it on. Allegedly, Ellie slept like a baby during it all. She wondered if the new kids would judge.

“Huh, okay,” Taylor said, rubbing his chin. “So, what’s a “Festival” from Fos like?”

Eleanor cut in before her father could as they arrived at the steps. The house looked just like her own. “Well, basically, when a baby takes their first steps, the Sages can bless them! It’s always something about happiness or wealth and stuff like that.” Quickly, she rolled up her sleeve and showed the intricate painting of a butterfly. “They called mine ‘Rebirth’ or something. Means that I’ll end up evolving into a great person and see many things in my life, I think. I don’t remember their exact words but that was the gist.” 

Daddy was unresponsive, simply helping the two children up and knocking on the door. Almost instantly, footsteps made their ways to the entrance. The door swung open and revealed a woman in a lab coat and nice dress. Eleanor glanced between Sophia. How was this well-kept lady and them related?

The woman quickly fixed her blonde hair and adjusted her coat, then fidgeting with every other part of her outfit. “Well, hello s-s-s sir!” she stuttered as she tied her hair into a ponytail. “S-s-s see I was just about to head over! How funny!” Despite the platinum blonde hair, the woman had thin eyes and tan skin. At first, Eleanor thought she could also be from Earth, like Daddy, but then she thought about how people from Iris had a chance of getting hair colors that weren’t the most natural. Supposedly a harmless mutation that could be passed down. A lot of blue and pink haired children were on the Isle of Fos because of it.

The woman was mostly normal, besides her stuttering and fashion choices. Sophia and Taylor were quick to latch onto her, and Eleanor simply wondered if there was any blood connection between them. Daddy made small talk with her for a while, leaving the children bored on the steps. Eleanor eavesdropped with a hawk’s eye. Taylor had already run inside, disappearing behind his mom’s legs.

“You’ve been invited for dinner at my house,” Ellie grumbled.

Sophia sighed. “Darn. That sucks.”

“Yeah,” Eleanor pouted, “It does.”

“Can I see your treehouse when I go over?” Sophia asked, feigning innocence.

Ellie snapped at her. “No! Only I get the treehouse.”

Sophia rolled her eyes and shrugged, then she angled her body away from the girl. Eleanor gave her a mean glare, then returned to watching her father.

Her eyes widened. The neighbor herself wasn’t scary (she was just weird). Ellie didn’t mind handling a neighbor and her annoying kids– nothing to fear there.

The scary part about her was that she saw red creep onto her father’s face as he stared at the woman happily talking about her job as a combat medic. That shook Ellie to her very core.

The rest of the day was a haze of greeting each other and explaining backgrounds, but Ellie refused to pay attention to any of it. When she finally decided to come back to reality, twilight spread across the sky and a plate of rabbit’s leg and salad was in front of her. She picked around the toppings to reach the lettuce. 

Her neighbors, on the other hand, devoured it. Even the strange woman named Ms. Molly Gatlon finished her plate in a record time. Sophia and Taylor happily chatted with her father, much to Ellie’s discontent. It was even worse when he started telling them about the books he wrote and how he’d publish them once he got a name for himself in Retina. Daddy knew better than to disturb Eleanor when she was being moody, so Molly was the first to strike conversation.

“I saw that you had a treehouse out there. It’s very nice,” she said in a sweet tone.

Ellie pouted and crossed her arms. “Thanks,” she mumbled. She caught a glimpse of Sophia rolling her eyes. Daddy raised his brow. That’s when Eleanor felt real fear. She knew that look. 

“Eleanor,” he started. She prayed to the beings beyond the stars he wouldn’t say it. “It’s a special occasion, so I think we should have desserts.” She felt a glimmer of hope, only for it to be crushed. “Why don’t you go show the neighbors your treehouse in the meantime? I’m sure Ms. Gatlon and I can manage to create some delicious cookies on our own.”

Catching the drift rather quickly, Molly nodded in agreement. “I’d love to see it someday, but somebody’s gotta get baking!” She rolled up her sleeves comically, “Don’t worry. I’m quite a pro in the kitchen.”

“So is Daddy,” Ellie snapped back. She resisted the urge to say that he didn’t need any help. She fell back in her chair and waited. No way in the whole wide galaxy would she let those intruders inspect her treehouse. 

Well, that was until she saw the look in Daddy’s eyes.

“So, um, this is my treehouse,” Eleanor huffed, picking her doll from its stand and claiming the corner of plushies and blankets for herself. “There are some board games over there.”

Sophia happily clambered into the treehouse, smiling as she looked around. “It’s awesome! No wonder you don’t let anyone in.” She gasped in awe when she saw fairy-lights strung across the ceiling like miniature stars. Ellie caught her breath.

For once, it felt like somebody understood her 

Taylor was far more stubborn than Sophia was, refusing to enter for the first five minutes. Once Sophia pestered him enough with all the fun they were having, he begrudgingly climbed in. He quickly found his way to coloring books and board games. “Have you played any of these?” he asked.

“Uh, Operation. I’ve played a few card games with my dad, but that’s about it,” she explained. “Have you?”

“Nah. Last time we were in any cities, it was a wasteland. You were lucky to find food,” he said. Surprisingly, his tone didn’t change much. This was just something normal for him. Eleanor clearly thought otherwise, her eyes wide. She knew affairs on Iris had been bad, about ¼ chunks of the planet had been blown off, after all, but it was shocking seeing it up close for the first time in years.

Sophia lightly tossed a comic book at him. “Taylor! Now isn’t the time to talk about that.”

“When will it be?!” he barked. Tears welled up in his eyes, like an already fractured dam had just caved in. “It’s never been the time to talk about it, has it? Sorry to say, but you got your leg shot off and we were living in the middle of a war before Mom found us!”

Sophia recoiled, her lip quivering as she rubbed her prosthetic thigh. “Taylor I didn’t mean that–”

“Well, you did anyways.” Taylor said.

“I just thought it’d be rude in front of the host! I didn’t mean any of that!” Sophia tried to defend herself, but it was all to deaf ears. Eleanor could do nothing but watch with intrigue and sadness.

Taylor wiped his arm across his face. “I’ll just go,” he murmured, then took a coloring book and jumped down the ladder. He ran in the direction of the house on the hill. Sophia knew she couldn’t run as fast as him, so she stayed where she was. It was hard changing her little brother’s mind. There was no need to overdo herself.

“I’m sorry,” she sighed, “My brother is always a bit sensitive to this stuff. And it’s changing so fast. Just give him some time to adjust.”

Eleanor stopped her from going on. “I get it. I am, too.”

“So that’s why you tried to pull my leg off?” she chuckled sheepishly.

Ellie scratched her neck awkwardly. “Yeah. Sorry about that.” 

“It’s in the past.”

There was nothing else for them to say beyond that point. Ellie shifted uncomfortably and Sophia fidgeted with the ankle joints of her prosthetic. Eleanor couldn’t help but watch it curiously. Her companion noticed and blushed under the intense gaze.

Eleanor caught it quickly. Embarrassment spread to her own face as well. “Oh, um, sorry. I just thought it looked cool. It’s like plastic and metal.”

“Oh, really? That’s nice to hear, actually. I was told that some people are gonna think it’s weird,” Sophia coyly slid some of her hair behind her ear. Then, she adjusted her handkerchief to tie it better around her hair. 

“Well, it is,” Eleanor replied blankly, “But the good weird. Like, multi-color eyes and stuff. Cool and different. My dad says that every weird is a good weird, though.”

“Maybe he’s right,” Sophia chuckled as she scooted closer to Eleanor. Eleanor was happy to share the cozy corner of pillows and blankets. She even handed a stuffed cat toy to her new friend.

It was hard to tell the time afterwards. Small talk and deep conversations blended together into long talks, and soon enough the sun had fully set. Ellie had to wonder if they were even using the oven. “So, what’s with the doll?” Sophia said, pointing to the toy in Eleanor’s hands, “I know you said you’re from the Isle of Fos, but you never explained the doll. Her name is Kia, right?”

“It’s a tradition. After the ceremonies, I got a doll with the same tattoo. It’s just a thing.”

“I like her clothes. The dress is cute.”

“My mom made it.”



To Eleanor, the best thing about having a weird girl like her as a friend was that she didn’t seem to pry. Sophia simply hummed at the answer and didn’t ask further. Ellie smiled. 

Then, an idea popped into her mind. 

“Can I show you something cool?” she asked as she gently placed the doll down.

Sophia grinned, “Of course!”

Eleanor took Sophia’s hand and suddenly they were bolting away from the treehouse, following the shores of the river and wading through thick, tall grass as soft as a cotton blanket. “Where are we going?” Sophia asked, tripping over her legs several times. Eleanor only paused for brief moments, but the neighbor never complained. 

“Where the river ends. It’s really pretty,” she said, “Just trust me.”

“Okay. I’ll trust you.”

Eleanor couldn’t think of anything to say back.


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Wed Jun 07, 2023 11:15 pm
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AmayaStatham wrote a review...



Hey there,

I'm here to leave you a review!

Image

First of all, I really like the idea of where this story is going. I love your characters and their names too. Your descriptions and the flow of your story are what make your story the "good weird". That is very nice. I love your writing style too and I think you did a pretty fabulous job.

~~~

Characters;
~ Eleanor
~ Sophie & Taylor
~ Daddy

Eleanor aka Ellie;
I really love the name you chose for her, because

Spoiler! :
I am reading a book called Echo Mountain and the protagonist is a twelve year old girl called, Ellie, too. She is very sweet and optimistic. It is a book in the 1930 and it is about the Great depression. It's is very nice, that's why you're Ellie seems so great to me too. <333


I do think she could use some more character development. Not only because she is the protagonist. Place some more outward details of her.

For example;
Before:
Eleanor rubbed the tattoo on her shoulder. “Um, the Isle of Fos, I think. I was only there as a baby, though. Immigrated here after the Festival.”


After:
Eleanor brushed her hair aside to reveal the tattoo on her shoulder. Her brown eyes, matching her hair, left a spark as she turned her face to the tattoo and rubbed it. "Um, the Isle of Fos, I think. I was only there as a baby, though. Immigrated here after the Festival."

~

Sophie & Taylor:
The sibling relationship is nice. You have put some quarrels and disagreements here and there and that is only what makes this story more realistic. Because no sibling relationship is all rainbows and unicorns. I think that was very on point!

“When will it be?!” he barked. Tears welled up in his eyes, like an already fractured dam had just caved in. “It’s never been the time to talk about it, has it? Sorry to say, but you got your leg shot off and we were living in the middle of a war before Mom found us!”


Over here you let of some history/backstory of Sophia and Taylor which is great. But I think you should have developed it a little more and go deeper. I think it is too little information for this chapter only. Maybe let off some more about how she got a plastic metal leg. Or else it feels a bit left out and rushed. Think about it.

The woman quickly fixed her blonde hair and adjusted her coat, then fidgeting with every other part of her outfit. “Well, hello s-s-s sir!” she stuttered as she tied her hair into a ponytail. “S-s-s see I was just about to head over! How funny!” Despite the platinum blonde hair, the woman had thin eyes and tan skin. At first, Eleanor thought she could also be from Earth, like Daddy, but then she thought about how people from Iris had a chance of getting hair colors that weren’t the most natural. Supposedly a harmless mutation that could be passed down. A lot of blue and pink haired children were on the Isle of Fos because of it.

The woman was mostly normal, besides her stuttering and fashion choices. Sophia and Taylor were quick to latch onto her, and Eleanor simply wondered if there was any blood connection between them. Daddy made small talk with her for a while, leaving the children bored on the steps. Eleanor eavesdropped with a hawk’s eye. Taylor had already run inside, disappearing behind his mom’s legs.


Over here, I did get a bit confused. How is "the woman" Taylor's mother?? It looks a bit abrupt in there. Maybe build it up in little bits, so the reader will get to see the transitions.

Because you did mention her,
“Retina. Our mom was a medic,” Sophia stated.


And over here,
Her neighbors, on the other hand, devoured it. Even the strange woman named Ms. Molly Gatlon finished her plate in a record time.


Or did I get it wrong
and is she someone else
and are they three different persons??

~

Daddy
Daddy is another one of those amazing characters in a the story. I love that he cares for Sophie and Taylor as if they're his own, just like he does for Ellie. I also love the fact that he just answers all those little childrens questions with so much patience and sweetness. Just like a daddy is supposed to do.

Well, that was until she saw the look in Daddy’s eyes.

I love daddy's "look" too, because that "are" daddy's signiture pieces. It is funny, because usually mothers would have such a look on their face, it is great to see this in a father too. Nice detail about that!

Suggestion: I think "Daddy" could use some more character development too.

What does questions me is: Where is mommy? Or is she to be introduced the later chapters? Or did she perish?

~~~

Setting:
~ Earth
~ Iris & the Isle of Fos

Earth
I love Earth. (I mean who doesn't)
I think you did a great job placing the setting on earth, but the descriptions could benefit from some more describing.
(That is "good weird" phrasing, but please don't mind.)
As long as you can understand what I mean.

Iris & the Isle of Fos
I got a little confused between these two though. I don't quite understand which is which. I can't quite see the difference. They are both mythical and amazing islands, that I know

And I don't quite understand are Sophia and Taylor from the city like Earth or are they from Iris??

What did was very clear: That Ellie is/was from the Isle of Fos. I like the whole traditional backstory of the tattoo.

~~~

Title:
Calamity and Her Whims, Chapter 2

First of all, I really love the title, it is the main oficial reason I clicked to review this work.

Nice job, but... Here it comes.

Did you use "Calamity" from the 2020 movie?

FYI: Only if you don't know the movie yet.
Spoiler! :
1863, a convoy in the American West, Martha Jane needs to learn how to take care of horses to drive the family wagon. Except she ends up wearing pants and cutting her hair. The scandal that its stark character provokes will force to face all the dangers in a gigantic and wild world where everything is possible.


I did think it was funny. So, is this supposed to be some kind of FanFic of the movie? Or is it something else? Is is (supposed) to be related to tha movie?

~~~

Overall, I think this was a very nice story and you did an amazing job! Your writing style is nice and diligent. You could make some improvements, but aside from that, this is a great idea. And I really like to see where you take things further.

Keep up the amazing job! Keep writing! Have a nice day or night!

Magically yours,
Rinisha




KocoCoko says...


Thank you for commenting!
I really appreciate the thought put into this! Some of this advice I really needed. Oh! But to help make sense of the setting better (the setting was mostly explained in chapter 1), Iris is it's own separate planet and the Isle of Fos is a country on said planet. Earth is only mentioned because that's where Daddy is originally from and to use as comparison.

And yes, the medic, stuttering woman, and Ms. Molly Gatlon are the same person. I tried to make it not super confusing in a slow reveal of her identity, but perhaps I missed the mark. I think it was mentioned in the first chapter that they were heading to their mothers house, so maybe it just didn't translate over.

I'd never heard of the movie, but it sounds like a fun watch! I'll look into it. But no, Calamity and Her Whims is it's own little sci-fi, slice of life project.

Again, thanks for you review! Hope to see you around soon!



AmayaStatham says...


Yw. I am glad to see that my feedback did a good job!

See ya,
Rinisha



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Sun May 28, 2023 2:18 pm
Horisun wrote a review...



Hello, and happy Review Day! I hope you’re having a good one!
I really enjoyed reading through this chapter, as well as the last! The dialogue between the characters was especially strong! I loved how you used what was said (as well as what wasn’t) to convey each of their unique personalities!

You did a good job highlighting what was and wasn’t important. I’m glad you didn’t dedicate your word count to the small talk between the grownups or the dinner table discussion, as that may be a tad dull for some readers; however, a couple of your transitions did feel a little jarring. The large summarization of conversation here-

It was hard to tell the time afterwards. Small talk and deep conversations blended together into long talks(.)


-made me feel like less time had passed than you claimed it did, which threw off the pacing a bit. This is up to your discretion, but I would suggest implementing a scene break instead, indicating a change in time or place.

I would’ve liked to see a bit more in the way of descriptions. I found I struggled to picture the setting. When reading science fiction, (at least for me! This in no way applies to everyone.) part of the draw is ‘otherworld’ aspect of it, which makes setting the scene vitally important. I thought you did a great job describing the tree house and its fairy lights, but I would’ve liked a greater description of the house, kitchen, and outdoor scenery. I really liked your description of twilight spreading across the sky, and I would love to see more of that in the coming story!

These were two very strong opening chapters, with lovable characters and interesting dynamics! I can’t wait to see what comes of it. So please, keep on writing, and have an excellent day! :D




KocoCoko says...


Thanks for writing a review!
I do definitely struggle with describing scenery sometimes, I do admit. Actually, the entire reason I'm writing this is so I can sort of force better descriptors out of me, since I can build the world however I want.
Don't worry, more is definitely coming soon!
Again, thanks!




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