Published May 22, 2009
The barriers of the world are plenty,
Fences round each heart is built;
Brick by brick we raise our walls
Walls of anger, pain and guilt.
When hurt, retreat, return to base,
Defense we raise up to the sky;
If walls will block impartial gaze,
How can we then see eye to eye?
Stone by stone, we shut them out,
Keeping safe in our own arms;
Building borders in our world,
Just to keep ourselves from harm.
Oh World, the walls that block the joy,
That should have filled your lovely halls;
If only we could break these down,
And let us mingle, one and all.
So brick by brick and stone by stone,
I demolish my own wall;
And use the bricks I pulled apart,
For bridges to unite us all.
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141,611 Literary Works • 675,147 Reviews
thanks bf and West.
West: Thanks to the advice on the eye to eye line, I edited it and I do believe that it does flow better. I'm trying to find a proper substitute for the other awkward lines but eh... I'm lost.
This piece was written after a period of Writer's block.XD I don't take a lot of time when writing. This sort of just flowed out. The problem is, after I wrote a piece, I find it difficult to edit it which means it retains it's messy state after flowing out of my poor mind.
Thankee reviewers.
--Knightly
Hey there
I have to ask how long you worked on this? It's an amazing piece, but it seems like it needs one or two revisions.
I love the ideas you've used, and how you've linked different ideas together. Like how people are always talking about 'seeing eye to eye,' and you put it down to our defences, that's really smart.
'If walls will block impartial gaze, / How then will we see eye to eye' - the rhythm here tripped me up a bit. I'd suggest 'how can we then see eye to eye,' but it's really up to you.
'Loveley halls,' and 'one and all,' seems a bit of an awkward rhyme too.
'For bridges to unite us all,' - wow! Perfect way to end it.
Overall it's a great poem. Keep up the good work
One word.
I LOVED that it has a social impact. It's the kind that gets people thinking about life! You're right. We're all too absorbed in our own lives...
WOW!
That was awesome bf!
At least there are people like you who see the bigger picture.
One of my faves!