Published June 14, 2009
The man raised his eyes to heaven,
And watched the artist paint the sky;
The warmth caressed his aching limbs,
And his weighty cares began to fly.
He shrugged the burden from his shoulders,
And gazed upon the canvas above;
The painting of the angels of heaven,
Their brush strokes shine the color of love.
For a moment his heart, frigid and firm,
Opened to the gates of heavenly joy;
He smiled for a moment, hoped for a moment,
Forgot about life’s hardship and toil.
The ancient tears welled up within him,
And drew rivers upon his face;
Followed tired lines and painful scars,
And washed his calloused mask away.
The man, weary with the demands of life,
Looked up for a moment to admire the sky;
Then the angels of heaven, the guardians of hope,
Taught his bowed spirit how to fly.
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141,453 Literary Works • 674,466 Reviews
Beautiful.
Wow. This is just... wow. I love your metaphors and the way you make this one, specific moment so universal. I don't usually like rhyming poems, but you make it seem so natural with a near perfect rhythm to match. Very nice work.
~Pan
Hey Knightly Angel! June here!
Wow, this was great! This has to be the best poem I have read from you so far!
I loved your rhyme scheme throughout this. It was not perfect, but what I love most is the fact that you didn't sacrifice the meaning that you wanted to achieve for that rhyme, making this all the more beautiful.
Your closing stanza is brilliant. Too often, I read poems with wonderful beginnings and wonderful middles, and when we come to the end, it suddenly stops with no adequate closing.
I loved your closing; it was perfect. The previous lines and stanzas built up to it well.
Wonderful poem here, dear. Beautiful work on this.
Juniper
Thanks for the awesome read
(and here's you're 11th star!)
This is a beautiful piece. Very good work.
Though I am not very good at either writing or critiquing poetry, I can tell that this is good. The imagery is vivid, and the flow and ryhme is well developed, though not perfect. Most of all, this poem has a hopeful and poignant theme that anyone can relate to. Great, great job!
-GJ
Wow, Knightly, you did great with this! I love the imagery, the choice of words and the flow. I liked the way the poem started, from beginning to end, and the last stanza was lovely.
However, in the 2nd stanza:
He shrugged the burden from his shoulders,
And gazed upon the canvass above; It's "canvas," not canvass
The painting of the angels of heaven,
Their brush strokes shine the color of love. This line confused me. I think it's best you leave out the "shine."
Overall, great job! Keep up the good work!
REALLY amazing!