The tree with his timeless grace
of swaying leaves and limbs,
calls up the songs of heaven
when he rustles with the wind.
The tree that sunlight graces with
the warm rays of heaven's light,
dances slowly with the moonshine
and speaks to the stars at night.
The tree that stands so strong and proud,
the king of all the land;
the monarch guarding little beasts
with his roughened, leafy hands.
The king who fought so valiantly
to keep his kingdom strong,
but failed because the land he 'owned'
was Man's land all along.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
Hey Nixie ^^ Shina here for a review
I think the third line needs another syllable. Perhaps "upon".
You already said "grace" in the first stanza, so maybe a word change. Washes, blesses, bestows?
The last line has too many syllables and kind of breaks the beat. I think maybe:
"and speaks with stars during night."
I like the ending ^^ I didn't see that coming, Nixie. I love how you express your thoughts through poetry. *is envious*
However, I do agree with the other review. Some of the vocabulary isn't as colorful as it should be. But if you were going for a child-like poem, the vocabulary fits. You know, the mother goose style rhymes xD
I think you need to be a little more clear in the ending. I'm not sure if you mean that Mankind killed the tree (forest) and chopped them all down, or if he just failed because Man was the real King of the land.
Hope this helps ^^
-Shina
I have two things to tell you to improve this poem.
I'm here to help. One of things I know about poems is that your supposed to capitalize each new line.I'm just going to use on section as example.
The tree with his timeless grace
of swaying leaves and limbs,
calls up the songs of heaven
when he rustles with the wind.
You capitalize at the beginning...(line 1). Line 2, 3, and 4.
It should be like this. Just to give you an idea.
The tree with his timeless grace
Of swaying leaves and limbs,
Calls up the songs of heaven
When he rustles with the wind.
Also, I have a suggestion. You should probably add some bigger VOC. since your 16, you know a alot.
That's all. But I liked the poem a lot. If you follow these steps you'll be a pro. Well, you already are. Haha.