On the other side of the world
There’s snow on his doorstep, and his door is ajar;
the chill seeps in like an uninvited memory.
He tries to drown her dark eyes in hot cocoa
and forget her voice and her lilting accent.
He shivers because it is winter
and she is not with him.
There was no winter back at home.
The sun would stare him down with all its fury
but he only felt the sunlight in her eyes.
Her voice was the warmest breeze of summer,
evoking the gentlest of memories;
they used to play in the rain and race upon the white sand beaches.
He had kissed her goodbye in the dying light of a sunset
and her tears fell like the first storm of the summer.
He shivers because it was never cold at home;
and he misses her.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Wow, I really enjoyed reading this poem!
You can feel the emotion and the passion,
I can tell you put your heart and soul into this poem,
that what real poetry is all about,
keeping the flow and expressing your true emotions.
-Excellent job keep writing.
I like this the way it is, it's beautiful. I just wanted to say that this poem made me crave hot cocoa, and we don't have any milk. So that really sucks.
Daaawwwww, Knightly, I think my heart just melted. This is just too sweet and charming, even if all the references to winter did make me a bit chilly. But I do have two little nitpicks:
The use of "door" and "doorstep" in the same line feels repetitive. Even if they're technically different words, they have the same sound so things can feel a little clumsy which isn't great for a first line.
I love the description here. It's not a cliche which wins you brownie points in my book. It evokes somevery tragic imagery.<3
I did really enjoy this and if you have any questions, you know how to reach me.
I really adored this. I showed awesome emotion, and it made me feel bad for the guy you were writing about. Awesome job.
The only thing I'd suggest is to watch the grammar. As long as you watch that, and make sure it's right, it'll be awesome. 