Love Not Me

by KnightlyAngel09
  • May 19, 2011
  • Poetry
  • Lyrical

A/N: So as not to spook anyone anymore: This is a remix of John Wilbye's 'Love Not Me'.

Spoiler! :
This is a reply or, perhaps a remixed version of a popular poem. I owe this poem to John Wilbye, who wrote the poem 'Love Not Me' which you can find here: http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/love-not ... ely-grace/ Here's my version of his poem.:)


Love not me for comely grace,
or for the way your blood will blaze
when you caress my every part;
fingerprints upon my heart.

A kiss will be a broken vow,
last night’s touch, forgotten now;
so love not me for fleeting bliss,
a warm embrace, a fevered kiss.

For all these flames will burn us out,
and then we shall be left without
a coat to keep us warm at night,
nor arms to hold us dear and tight.

Comments & reviews · 3
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lilymoore
Review
lilymoore wrote a review · Fri May 20, 2011 4:17 am

Whoah! Knightly, you spooked me there. I happen to adore “Love Not Me for Comely Grace” so when I read your first line (without reading the spoiler) I almost thought I would have to report you for plagiarism. Don’t scare me like that!

ScratchMan made a great point with that one punctuation error (which was going to be my only nit pick) so instead, I’ll just gush over how much I love these two particular lines:

so love not me for fleeting bliss,
a warm embrace, a fevered kiss.


These two particular lines do a great job blending that older poetic voice with a more modern (It’s 11:11 right now while I’m reviewing. Make a wish!) feeling and emotion which was extremely enjoyable to read.

Otherwise I think that you did a wonderful job in representing “Love Not Me for Comely Grace” and John Wilbye very well and I’m sure if he read this, he would be very proud! :D You kept the rhyme scheme but gave it your own structure which is really very wonderful!
*likes*
Good luck, as always Knightly!

User avatar
LadyFreeWill
Review
LadyFreeWill wrote a review · Fri May 20, 2011 4:01 am

Hey! TSM, here to review! Here is one correction I would make:

KnightlyAngel09 wrote:Love not me for comely grace,
or for the way your blood will blaze
when you caress my every part
fingerprints upon my heart. These last two lines don't make sense. I would suggest adding a ';' at the end of line three.quote]

Over all, I really liked this poem -it was really sweet and my favorite line would probably be

KnightlyAngel09 wrote: and then we shall be left without
a coat to keep us warm at night,
nor arms to hold us dear and tight.


Keep writing!
-TSM



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