You taste like tequila sunrise,
early in the morning--
like an exploding, scorching sun
forcing its way down my throat;
replacing the familiarity,
the warmth of my coffee.
You burn a hole into me,
tracing a path to my brain;
You numb all my senses,
until all that's left
is a warm,
delirious,
pain.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This poem is very good! I love the way you can express yourself so very vividly.
Your ending style is amazing. It's like in the end, it hits you right on the face, what you mean by pain.
It's a brilliant piece of work.
"like an exploding, scorching sun"
I don't think there's a better simile to describe pain. It makes me realize there really are some people who are like this, lingering with all the pain. I love your poem!
Hey!
Just popping in to say that I love love love this. I think it works beautifully and the length is definitely good; you got what you wanted to say down and left it at that which can be hard sometimes.
Favorite lines:
until all that's left
is a warm,
delirious,
pain.
because the line breaks are used really well here.
I can feel it. Good job. No suggestions.
-Mars