Published August 9, 2011
What are we holding
within our embrace?
A fragment of heaven,
marooned in this place.
A tiny matchstick
to begin with a spark,
a small, warming fire
to thaw our hearts.
The promise of summer,
of rest and of ease;
of smiles and of laughter,
long days of peace.
What am I holding
within my embrace?
My own piece of heaven,
lost in this place.
The glow of a fire,
that warms me right through;
all this I am holding,
when I hold on to you.
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138,937 Literary Works • 672,331 Reviews
Nitpicking time!
Well, I went through it, and there are no nitpicks to be done! excellent job! mabye you could capitalize after the semicolons. That is the only helpful thing that I can pull out of this piece. It was very well written, and there is nothing I would have you improve on. So, good job, good work, and good luck in future writing!
----LostMagi
I love this poem, it's sweet and beautiful and I adore the ending. I like the idea of holding a "fragment of heaven."
I would change the last line to "To thaw out our hearts" or something in order to work the rhythm better.
Otherwise, great, great poem!
What are we holding
within our embrace?
A fragment of heaven,
marooned in this place.
A tiny matchstick
to begin with a spark,
a small, warming fire
to thaw our hearts.
The promise of summer,
of rest and of ease;
of smiles and of laughter,
long days of peace.
What am I holding
within my embrace?
My own piece of heaven,
lost in this place.
The glow of a fire,
that warms me right through;
all this I am holding,
when I hold on to you.
I really loved that poem, It was great, and beautiful- with amazing imagery.
My favorite stanza was:
"What am I holding
within my embrace?
My own piece of heaven,
lost in this place.?
It's great.
The one thing confused me was the rhyming, sometimes it was full, sometimes only two lines per stanza and sometimes none, which kind of damaged the poem.
Keep writing- you've got the gift for it,
SubjectBlue.
oooh this is so pretty
so so cute!
Thats unbelievable romantic and so beautiful. I dont really have much else to say about it, good writting, but even if it wasnt its still romantic
Aaow, yes, I agree with Passion! This is so cute, sweet, innocent and yet so Powerful! Good strucutre, flow and rythm and no flaws with the punctuation. It was a very enjoyable poem to read! I can't say much more than AMAZING! nice job!
5/5 adorable spiders for you!
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
That is absolutely adorable! I'm sorry but it is so cute. And it's amazing. You have skill. It flowed, and it had music to it. Like a very relaxing note that made me smile. It was an innocent love poem. You did really good. I look forward to seeing more of your writing.