Why no, I didn’t mean what I said
In that worthless piece of—
Paper that I folded and scented and sent to you
On Valentine’s Day.
Of course I didn’t mean it when I said
That your voice was seeping into my soul
And mending all the cracks that threaten to break me.
Or that your smile was like rain on my parched heart,
And that your eyes were the stars of my night sky.
Alright, I’m sorry that I wrote you down as a cliché.
You know you’re nothing like the hackneyed phrases
I used in that letter,
You know that I can’t envelope you in a metaphor
And seal it with some bad poetry.
I didn’t mean a word of it, I swear.
Well, except the part where I told you that I
Loved you.
That part, I actually did
Mean.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,008 Literary Works • 672,832 Reviews
i like how you end it
KnightlyAngel09, I thought this was great!It was different, which is what really got me. You were still able to confess and show the feelings of true love, but it wasn't cliche` or deja vu. I love the fact that it highlights that most love poetry out there is cliche` and a lot of poems just end up saying the same thing. It seems people get too caught up in repeating emotions of love.
Tips? Maybe just try to make it flow a little better and smooth it out a bit. Otherwise, really good. At the end you say that "I love you" was the part you truly meant. I love the simplicity of the last few lines and they basically sum up what a love poem should be. It shouldn't always be dwelling on a person's eyes or how they speak. We've heard it all before. All these poems should revolve around are three words; "I love you."
Lovely.
Miyakko.
Wow. That was awesome.
I think that a comma there would make it look a little bit better.
But that's just my opinion.
This was great. I loved the ending. Keep writing!
It's a good idea. This is supposed to flow like someone's actual thoughts (and I like that), I know. But it still seems too choppy for poetry. 'Mean' on the end should be brought up with the line about it. The smiley at the end makes the ending seem less sincere and more comical. Is that what you were going for?
"You know you’re nothing like the hackneyed phrases" I really liked this line.
"Paper that I folded and scented and sent to you" I get 'scented' but I don't really like it in this line.
Cute idea, great potential.
I like the ending. xP This made my day.
-Cressy