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Young Writers Society



Twelfth Night: Chapter Four

by KnightTeen


I'll do my best

To woo your lady:

Aside

yet, a barful strife!

Whoe'er I woo, myself would be his wife.

~Cesario~

Act One

Scene IV

“Cesario, if the duke continues to show you such favor, you are no doubt going to become very advanced in his court. Already he has known you but two short weeks and you are indeed no stranger.” The maid bowed her head in acknowledgment of the steward, Valentine's words. It was indeed true.

The girl, in her mans garb, had made a great many friends in the court of Orsino. All the men in his employment liked the person because she was well educated, a great debater, and a capital swordsmaster. The women liked her because she was attractive in their eyes, and always had a kind word to say to them.

In conclusion, Cesario was well-loved. Most of all by the duke, who took the youth under his wing, and came to trust him within an hour of knowing him.

Currently, Cesario and Valentine were standing in the hallway, along with other members of Orsino's household. The others with them were listening closely to the conversation between the two men. (Or rather, a man and a women, though they did not know this to be the case.) It was well known that until Cesario had graced the doorway, Valentine had been the good duke's favorite.

“You praise me to highly, friend.” was the quiet response he received. (For indeed, everything about her was quiet these days.) “I would think,” she continued in a teasing tone, “that in saying, 'if the duke continues his favor,' you are calling into question both my loyalty and his feeling. For it sound as if you are implying that in that 'if' you used that either I will do something that causes him to no longer care for me, or he will be fickle enough to cast me off for the next man in line.”

They all shared a laugh at that one, Valentine clapping his companion on the back. Cesario held in a sigh of relief. It was now clear to her that the man held no jealousy or anger in his heart for her.

“May I ask, youth,” Valentine said suddenly, “After your family? How do they feel about you being in the service of a duke when clearly by your stature and action you are of as noble blood as he?”

The girl paused, and the laughter died as everyone saw the pale tone of her cheeks. “I...” she began, then paused. It took a moment for her to become more visibly composed, but once she had a hold on herself she continued.

“All other members of my house have gone on before me. I think that they would have delighted in the knowledge that I have found good, honest work, and for a good, honest man.”

Valentine would have replied, but was cut off by the opening of a door next to him. Orsino stepped forth. He was a regal man, whose appearance commanded the attention of anyone residing in whatever room he chose to enter. His height was much noted, for though he was not the tallest man in Illyria (For indeed, this man was Feste), he came close to being so.

His hair, closely cut to his head, was a rich brown that matched his eyes. Glad in the garments that he usually wore, trousers, an over-shirt, boots and cape, were all black. Only his undershirt was white. His face was somewhat handsome, being marred by a narrow scar that ran down his left eye. This was not his only fault, but it was the only one currently seen. He took in the crowd before him.

“Has anyone seen Cesario?” he asked, his voice a deep tenor. The person in question was on the other side of Valentine, and was thus shielded.

Valentine took her by the arm and pushed her in front of him. She stumbled slightly from the force of it, but soon recovered herself and bowed. “Your servant is here my lord.”

Orsino glanced all around at the others with them. “You may go about your business,” he said, “I have no special office for any of you today.”

The crowd began to disperse, but Orsino held up his hand to stop Valentine rom leaving. “Ah,I nearly forgot. Please see to it that Cesario's horse is saddled. He has a small distance to travel today.”

Valentine bowed his head in acknowledgment, and quickly followed the others out of the hall.

“Cesario,” the duke continued once they were all gone, “You know everything about me, for indeed I have trusted you with everything. I have no secrets from you.” The girl bit her cheek to avoid sowing guilt in his expression. “Therefore, here is the task I give you. Ride to her manor, and stand fast at her door. Do not allow them to deny you, but tell them there you shall stay until you meet with her.”

Cesrio nodded, but looked uncertainly at him. “What is it lad?” he questioned.

“Surly my lord, if she is so grieving as people say, she never will admit me.”

“Then ignore all rules of propriety and stay there until she sees you.”

“And if I do see her, my lord, what will I then say?”

“Well then tell her of the passion of my love!” he cried in reply. “Surprise her with how great it is! Act as I would in your place, she would pay attention to you, for it is true that you are very attractive to women.”

Cesario blushed as he threw an arm around her shoulder and began to take her outside. “I do not think it is so, my lord.”

“Oh, my dear by, you should believe it! I have heard the maids talk of you, comparing your lips to those of a god. They also say that you appear much younger than the twenty-one years you claim to be. In all, they say you are a very handsome sight to behold, though I must confess,” he said looking at her critically, “If I did not know you better, I would say that you are a woman and not a man.”

Again, she had to any semblance suppress visible guilt.

“I think she would like to here this,” he continued, showing her a piece of paper that he had drawn from his breast-pocket, “from you in place of me. It has been made apparent to me that she clearly does not like of my appearance.”

Cesario stifled a laugh, and which the duke turned to her in amazement. “I do not think I have ever heard a person laugh at me before, youth.” he stated.

“Perhaps because they fear you.” was her reply.

“And you do not?”

“No.” her answer was firm and resolved, and it made him pause to look at the truth in her eyes.

“It is not just I whom the servants gossip about, my lord. My ears are as swift as yours, and can hear as much. They do praise your appearance highly, although I must confess that I have never heard you likened to a woman as you have done to me.” her tone was teasing, and it did what she intended. He smiled.

Cesario noticed that she was staring to closely at the man for polite comfort, and quickly bowed to him. “Sir, I shall do my best to woo your lady.”

“That's the ticket!” he cried. “If you should succeed in this, then you shall live as freely as I do, and I will not deny you even a penny of my fortunes! But I am delaying you in your task, here comes Valentine with your horse.”

She looked in the direction he was pointing and did indeed see the steward with her horse.

“Farewell, boy!” Orsino called over his shoulder as he made his way back into the house.

“Farewell.” she replied as Valentine took the reigns from her. He gave her a leg-up into the saddle (and Valentine marveled at the fact that such a boy could be so small and slight) and she was off.

She looked back at the manor a few moments later when she was a safe distance away. “Aye my lord,” she whispered, “I will woo your lady. But if you had better eyes, and would look closer, you would see a lady who, unlike the other, is willing to be wooed.” Turning back, she rode off in silence.


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Sun Apr 27, 2014 11:50 am
Snowery wrote a review...



Hey KnightTeen! I'm back! :)

Man Points

a man and a women,


Typo, it should be "a woman".

I think she would like to here this,


Another typo, it should be "hear".

my dear by


By should be "boy".

she was staring to closely at the man


"to" should be "too"

So, this is going along quite nicely and I find that I am really enjoying reading it. I just wish you had spent a bit of time on Cesario settling into the duke's court and making friends because I feel that way we'd get to know her better. At the moment though I like her I just feel that I don't really know her well. Writing a historical fiction piece can be very challenging and you've done it really well so far so well done! Keep it up and happy writing!! :) :)

Silverlock




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Sun Apr 27, 2014 6:18 am
Iggy wrote a review...



Hey KT ^^

All the men in his employment liked the person


She's referring to herself as "the person"? How unusual.

(Or rather, a man and a women, though they did not know this to be the case.)


This goes without saying, so there's really no need to include it.

“You praise me to highly, friend.” was the quiet response he received.


Too* also, since you continue the sentence, the dialogue should end with a comma and not a period.

For it sound as if you are implying


Sounds*

Orsino held up his hand to stop Valentine rom leaving. “Ah,I nearly forgot.


from* also, needed space is needed.

“I think she would like to here this,”


Hear, not here.



D'aww! I adore Orsino as well. He's got a kind heart, from what I can see. I also feel guilty, because like the narrator, I am hiding a secret from him: who Cesario really is. The poor Duke deserves to know, but then again, he won't be a happy camper when he does find out. Lord, the things lies get you into. >_>

Alright, so guess who hates Olivia with a fiery passion? This girl. Literally, three men are trying to win her hand in marriage, and she doesn't want any of them. But five bucks says that she'll fall for Cesario when he rolls around. Because that's just cruel life, no?

I do love that the narrator/the woman beneath Cesario is falling for the duke. He truly must be good to her if she's gonna fall for him. Me thinks she is no older than Olivia, no? xD She seems more open to love, anyways.

But this is getting good! I can't wait to see what happens next, so do let me know when chapter five is out, ja? <3

~Iggy




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Sun Apr 27, 2014 4:07 am
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PenguinAttack wrote a review...



Oho, I return AGAIN!

So this chapter is moving nicely forward, though I do think you could probably stand to connect some of these chapters together - I understand you're running with the Acts and Scenes from the play to make your chapters but they do tend to be a bit short, unless you're willing to include more side action.

Oh I like Orsino! I mean, I would anyway but I like him here, I like how you're portraying him definitely! Though I question how old he is because I can't remember and I do think those massive age gaps are so awkward (they're always old men and young women ew).

You do need to check over this for nitpicky spelling mistakes and some weird wording - should it be "maid" in the last line of the first paragraph? It's very confusing due to the cross-dressing element, but I think we can get past it, and we mostly do, but you also need to make sure you're using the correct pronoun for the comments, I suppose.

There's more description here - are you somehow retroactively correcting your chapters as I review? Because I'm finding this VAIR strange, let me tell you! Vair strange indeed. ALSO you use "indeed" far too often in this short section, it's incredibly noticeable and a bit awkward. Your language is generally good (though I will repeat always that I would like more description still) and I think your structure is working for you. The characterisation is still a little off for me, but I think this will improve over time.

I look forward to when you post more, if you could let me know when it happens? Thanks for posting!

- Pen.





When something is broken, it can be fixed.
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