Young Writers Society

Hey! I'm Killyouwithwords and I'm going to review your poem.

First off, I'd like to say that I liked your poem, and that you did a very good job! I would work on the punctuation though, it makes it easier for people to read what you write without getting lost somewhere in the middle. And a few of the lines were rather weak in the last stanza.

“I keep it slow and trudge on forward
For only time knows when I will reach the sound
Where I take off and go,"

this last line sounds a little repetitive because you already used go in the other sentence. It might sound better if you ended it at “take off."

“For the sound has different directions",
again, a little repetitive. You already used the word sound. Maybe keep the last line and try to introduce the sound in a different stanza? Also, since you're trying to personify sound, maybe you could put just Sound- with a capital letter- instead of “the sound."

Overall great poem! I hope to see more of your work, keep writing!!

Hello and welcome to YWS! You really pleased me here. I was not expecting to read this, but I am more than content with what I have read. From the beginning, I was hooked. This is one of those poems wheee I can honestly say I enjoyed every line. Your words were clear, well-thought out and flowed nicely together. My favorite stanzas were the first and last one. I really don't think I can criticize this, so I will stop here by saying great job.

Hello Kjthewriter! Thanks for the review! I'm here now to return the favor!
-You used good imagery talking about the river, but while you’re describing the river you use two opposites: Bumpy and smooth. Perhaps you could elaborate more into that, maybe explaining that parts of the river are smooth, but the rest is bumpy.
"The river is bumpy and smooth”
-The use of uncommon and original words draws the reader into your poem.
“As I go I incur more bumps”
-I like this poem alot, but I love poems with descriptions of every minute detail. If a teacher were to say- “Your poem is good.” Or “Your poem is magnificent!”, which would make you feel better about your poem? Most likely the second one. I believe that by changing and adding a few more descriptive words, this poem will be made so much better. I’m just going to highlight a couple places where I think you should change it and make it more descriptive. Sorry I can't bold them, I'll just put a few more spaces between the words I think you should change so that they'll be set apart.

“The river is bumpy and smooth
As I go I incur more bumps
But I keep going


When the winds pick up
I try to keep moving forward
For I have not reached the rapids
of where I must continue
But I have little ways to go


I keep it slow and trudge on forward
For only time knows it I will reach the sound
Where I take off and go
For the sound has different directions
But I have to chose (should be choose) one
And face the rapids and bumps along the way”

Over-all, this is an excellent poem. I can’t wait to see what else you have written. Keep Writing!
yubbies21