Published March 31, 2011
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Let me start off by saying that there was something about this that I just couldn't help liking. It had an unusual flow, but it worked pretty well. I don't think the switch from first to second person was messy at all - it seems to be fairly clear.
I also really liked the way you worded the fourth stanza. It was powerful and incredibly beautiful.
The only thing that I think could be improved on was your use of punctuation. A more consistent useage throughout the poem would go a long way.
Overall, this was a very moving poem, and I quite enjoyed it. Oh, and, I think the title fits this poem very well.
~Alz
Hi there.
The rhythm in this is very good and solid, as is the flow. It all works quite nicly and fits together.
I think your switched between first and second person were pretty clean and clear.
However I think your punctuation needs a little work. You have no capital letters or full stops all the way through.
Besides that, very good.
I loved this. The rhythm was really nice - it flowed well and your use of imagery was beautiful. The first stanza seemed very hopeful:
When you said 'chameleon' I accidentally read it as 'charmander.' Whoops!
Keep writing!
-Dai
It's a really cool poem. I feel bad saying this, but I feel like the poem jumped around a lot and didn't really stay on topic. I think it would have been better if you had smoother transitions between the different scenarios.