Staring at a Wall Chapter 3 & 4

3

It feels like I’m falling. It feels like I’m flying. Movement has no meaning in the ten seconds that feel like hours as I move closer to the warm dim pinprick far in my vision. I keep my eyes on it, watching as it grows in diameter until I feel the warmth emanating from it on my face. I’d guess it’s about five feet wide, slightly shorter than I am. I try to force myself through. I shove myself against it. Putting my hands against it and pushing. Eventually I shove in, feeling some kind of strange membrane or something rip as I tumble and hit cold, solid ground. 

I look around, dazed. My eyes take time to adjust to the light of the room. It’s almost fluorescent, it reminds me of a hospital or a school. It’s really bright. God, this is strange. I don’t even know why I decided to push through the… well I don’t know what it was. It took enough work that I could have tried to turn back. Well, I guess I don’t have much of anything back there anyway. Oh well, I’m here now. The room around me is like some sort of upscale waiting room. The floor is cold tile. The tiles themselves are pretty big with swirling flowers. They look a bit like they’re moving. That’s strange. I blink and they’ve stopped, must’ve just been my eyes playing tricks, I did take quite a fall. I stand up to further survey the room. The walls are a light shade of yellow, it gives the room a liminal feel. Two doors are on the wall to my left. One reminds me of a stereotypical house door. It’s a light shade of grey with a bronze-looking handle and a small peephole. The other, without a handle strangely enough, is a deep shade of black. Pure night. Looking at it gives me a weird feeling, like a deep sense of unease. I can’t say I find the thing pleasant. 

Yanking my head away from the black door, I turn and look at the other side of the room. There’s a comfy looking beige couch framed by two wood side tables each with a drawer. I’ll check those later, could have something useful in them. I look up and my eyes stick to the painting above the couch. It’s a simple little thing really, just some flowers in a pot. But it’s captivating, and it isn’t just flowers in a pot, not really. The flowers are wilting slightly, looking close to death even. They look like daisies. 

And that’s not to mention the pot itself. It’s covered in small images, they seem to tell a story of sorts. The first is of a man. He seems to be speaking to… Nothing, just a shadow on the pot. The next image is of some kind of conference between a multitude of beings I’d never seen before, it seemed serious. A number of foxes, each with strange looking heads. A lizard sitting on his tail, a somber look on his face, along with many other strange things I’d never seen before. Then an image of a seemingly confused silhouette in a simple room. The last one is faded, like it has begun vanishing with age. I squint, barely making out the picture of… well, I can’t quite tell, but something tells me it’s not good. But, it’s hard to tell, so I’m probably off anyway. The painting itself has a kind of aura. It radiates tension and a sort of bittersweet melancholy. Doesn’t surprise me, those pictures were freaky. 

I feel my ears pop suddenly and jump slightly at the pressure change. I whip my head around instinctively, and see the hole I entered through is gone. Sealed up. It’s just a wall. My pulse jumps upward, but I don’t think panic has anything to do with it. 

I shake my head to clear it. I know one thing for sure. I’m far from home. I don’t know where exactly, but I’m far. Oh right, the side tables. I should check those. I walk over to it and try to open it. It’s stuck. I grit my teeth and pull harder. Still won’t budge. I slam my fist down on the tabletop out of annoyance. The drawer pops open. “Huh,” that was unexpected, but I’m pleasantly surprised. The drawer has a small box in it. A box full of matches, oddly enough. Hey, I’ll take it. I move over to the other drawer and hit the tabletop with a steady fist. The drawer pops open. Not a fluke. Jackpot! A switchblade and a small strange looking fruit. It’s like an apple, but a shade of green-ish teal. I pocket both, sticking them in my jacket pocket. Having a knife again’s a comfort. Mom took mine… well, not mine, my dad’s old one. I found it when I was fourteen and pocketed it. It helped me out of a good number of fights, as a threat of course. But eventually my principal called my mother and she ended up taking it from me. It was nice just to click it open and shut, and I just stared at it a while.

“Miss?” a timid voice breaks my silent trance and I turn, slightly nervous as to what will be behind me. “Miss, pardon me, but may I ask a rather impertinent question?” 

I jump when he comes into view. It’s a fox. Or I’d say that if not for his head, shaped like a four pointed star. Otherwise, he’s completely ordinary looking. Though his ability to speak is really weird. And of course I respond to the weird fox thing. Why wouldn’t I? “Sure, as long as I can ask you one too.”

He flicks his eyes around the room, looking anxious. “Of- Of course. Where, exactly, did you come from, Miss?”

“Well, I came out of a hole in that wall there after entering a tree. God, that sounds insane saying it out loud. All right, my turn. What are you exactly?”

“Oh that’s not good,” he says, so quietly I barely processed his voice, “I’m a fox-kin, Miss. Now if you’re willing, you need to come with me. It’s not safe here, you understand.”

“Ummm, sure…” I look at him bewildered, but follow. He feels trustworthy.

He turns around to leave, then turns back and beckons with his head for me to follow through the grey door into a world unlike one I’ve ever seen.

4

It’s bright out here. Very bright. Like the sun has been turned up a few notches. It shines a spotlight on what has to be the most unusual and beautiful place I’ve ever seen. We’ve stepped out the door onto a winding dirt packed path lined with grass. The fox-kin sighs in relief once we’re the equivalent of a block away from the door. The whole place is in perfect color, it’s surreal seeing all the space around me packed with pure nature. Large dragonflies flit around us. Wait, not dragonflies. Geckos? Some lizard with what seem to be wings. 

“Hey, what are the lizard things flying around?” The wonder leaks into my voice before I can stop it.

“Oh, don’t mind them, miss. The Penna have a tendency towards theft. Especially to those who ask rude questions within earshot of them.” He shoots me a pointed look.

“What’s your name, anyway?” 

“It’s Bastial. And you?”

“I’m Ali. It’s nice to meet you Bastial. Thanks for helping me out earlier, wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do in there.” 

“ I suspect that’s the intended purpose of the Atrium of Expectation.” He rolls his eyes at the name. “ It’s overly grand for a waiting room in my opinion, but that’s what the committee ended up with when it showed up.”

“When it showed up? What do you mean?”

“Oh, nothing. Just thinking out loud.” He sweeps away the question. “ The more important question to address is how and why you’re here.” The look of sternness on his face doesn’t look like it comes naturally to him. It doesn’t quite fit his face.

“I’m here because I went through a tree in the middle of nowhere.” My exasperation colors my voice as it rises in volume. “Come on, if I knew the answer to that question don’cha think I’d be chasing whatever goal I’m supposedly, by your logic, supposed to fulfill. Well, I’ll tell you what I think. I think that there is no purpose, like every other life in any other dimension or world or whatever the hell this is. I’m here because I have nothing to lose and the tree was an escape. That a good enough reason?” I can’t hide the cracks in my voice by the end. The last three hours have been the absolute worst and strangest of my life. I’m starting to fray at the edges.

Bastial looks taken aback by my monologue. I’m taken aback by my monologue. “Um, un- unfortunately, that w- will not su- suffice.” He stammers looking around nervously, as if he’s nervous someone heard our- my yelling. 

“Sorry about that, I’m just kinda stressed out, you know?” 

“Of course you are, it’s been a long evening. How about this: question for question, three each?”

“Sounds good to me. Could I ask something before we start?”

“Sure, it seems I owe it to you.”

“What’s with your vibe switch? I mean, you were super timid in the room earlier.”

“Oh, that.” He looks slightly embarrassed, “I’m sorta afraid of the Atrium of Expectation.” He chuckles at himself, “It’s a kinda mysterious room, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, I guess it is, but if you ask me this whole place is mysterious.”

“And that mindset is what we need to fix before we reach our destination.”

“What’s our destination anyway?”

“Is that your first question, because otherwise it’s a surprise.” He grins and winks at me.

“Fine. That’s not my question. Where are we exactly? What is this place?”

“You’re in Saltator, one of the many small realms floating in the void. Normally you can’t move between realms, but we’re more of a planet in a cluster, so the winged ones like to jump in between. Or, they used to. However, your’s is not one of our planets. Hence the questions I have about how you are here. Speaking of which, it’s my turn. Why were you in the ‘middle of nowhere’ as you put it?” 

I look around the beautiful forest as I chew on the question. I see the swaying flowers of kinds I’ve never seen before in bright shades of purples, blues, oranges, and reds. The large horned birds, ranging from the size of an owl to something like a pterodactyl. I shriek as one swoops to just over my head and Bastial laughs. I glare at him, but I’m already laughing myself. The air feels lighter in this place. It soaks through my barricade and cracks it apart.

The trees are growing thicker around us as I solidify my will and explain the events that happened before I ended up in the forest to him. He looks increasingly grim as the story progresses. When I mention my father his eyes sadden. I swallow. I don’t want his pity. Pity is always worse than mockery. It’s so much worse. It brings too much emotion up, I don’t need that brought up. I steel myself and continue, rubbing my hands up and down my jeans.

By the end Bastial looks somber. “I’m-” he swallows, throat working, “I’m so sorry, Ali.” 

“It’s fine. It’s not like you could stop it. Why are you so upset anyway? It’s not like you know me. We just met.”

“It’s basic empathy, that’s why I’m sad for you.” He stops walking, and it takes me a minute before I notice. I jog back to him.

“Why’d you stop?” He nudges me with his soft head before he rises onto hind legs. With his front legs he wraps me in a hug. He’s soft and warm. I can’t remember the last time someone hugged me, let alone this gently. I feel a tear streak down my face. I go to thicken my barricade. But when I try to fortify it, it’s gone. It’s left me, alone. No, not alone. Not anymore. As the haze lifts, my grandmother’s old phrase comes to me, “Even in darkness, there will always be a light.” I whisper to myself. “I think I’ve found it, grandma. I miss you.” And for the first time in a long time, I let myself cry in front of someone else.

It feels like we’ve been standing in one place a long time after we start walking again. My legs feel stiff, but my face is stuck in a quiet smile that feels unnatural, yet freeing. I think Bastial feels similarly as he grins up at me, “I do think it’s your turn for a second question, eh?”

“I guess so,” I chuckle, everything feels so light now. “Well, are there any other humans in this realm?” 

He sucks in air through his teeth, “That’s one of the issues with you being here. Because there aren’t any other people, you’ll stick out like a sore thumb. It’ll be clear to the wrong sorts that you’re not technically supposed to be here. But, the right sorts will know to help you. That’s where we’re going, a safe place. This realm is led by… a strict man, one who isn’t too fond of outsiders.”

“Okay. I guess I can make that work. Better than where I was before. How about your second question, Bastial?”

“You mentioned coming through a tree, how exactly?”

“That was sorta a blur, I was sitting with my back against it when I noticed the light. Then I put my fingers in the seam and pulled, it opened like a door. I got over, somehow, to a sort of membrane thing. I don’t know, it was all really weird. I pushed through it and fell into the Atrium of Expectation.”

“That is very interesting, that’s my last question.”

“But you have one more left. Don’t you want to use it?”

“I don't need it, I can always ask more later after all.”

“I guess. I’m still using my third, though. What will happen if I’m caught and found out?”

Bastial stiffens, “I… don’t know exactly. This has never happened before.”

“But, then how’d ya guess I was from someplace else?”

“That’s going to have to be a story for another day. We shouldn’t talk about things like that here.” He looks anxious, so I drop it. 

We continue the walk in a somewhat heavy silence, until Bastial pokes me lightly with his tail. “Hey, you’ll be fine. I promise. I won’t let them get to you. I have a good amount of authority myself.” He winks playfully and smiles at me.

“You promise?”

“As long as I live.”

“Okay. Thank you, Bastial.” The air is feather light as the perfect landscape spreads out around us. The trees begin to give way to rolling hills filled with flowers. I crouch to pick one, but it nips me. Not particularly hard, but startling nonetheless. I squeal, “That flower just bit me!” 

He laughs, “I’d bite you too if you tried to end my life span early.”

The rest of the walk flies by in a blur of jokes and laughter until we reach Bastial’s supposed safe place. I trust him. I don’t know why, but I trust him more than anyone else.