Breezing wind
Fly a thousand petals
To the blue
Drifting down
To the bushes
And watery fountains
Time and fun
Life and happiness
For everyone
Vigorous children
Doing diverting activities
On a playground
Precious couples
Cuddling each other
Making sweet talks
I wait
For that moment
To come
I have
Been waiting
For that happiness
//Spring Collection no.1//
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey KittyMew!
This is quite interesting, as your content seems clear about romance and rejoice. At times things get confusing, but I will mention them all.
Content wise, it's clear how you describe the sensation of rejoice and finding love in the end of your journey/search. You use poetry as a medium of creating an amalgam of feelings and thoughts you have experienced to paint the picture to others. I find this as to being good, but at times beware as references are quite unclear to readers, especially fourth stanza.
Grammar and Spelling is reasonable, like mentioned take care of your grammar. Places like Stanza four don't quite follow on with your writing, content and grammar wise.
Structure wise, everything is intact. You've organized the content into some seven stanzas, each containing three lines. Poetry is often well written if each stanza focuses on one particular aspect of the subject you raise. If it be sensation of love/rejoice, designate each stanza to discuss one aspect of it. If not, increase line length of each stanza.
It is very coherent, apart from all that. Having written a descriptive piece, you follow well with the descriptions from beginning to end. No issues there.
Literary devices are used too. I am able to spot use of adjectives and so on.
My personal rating for this work is 3.5/5
Keep writing
wasnt keen on this.
hi. the thing i didnt like the most on this was the format you had. without punctuation it becomes incredibly flustered and confusing to read. in this case it was the fact that you had no commas or anything to tie it together. the first, third, and fourth stanza make virtually no sense without commas or punctuation. it comes off as youre saying random words and then barely tying them together to make it come off as poetry. other than that you do nothing new with this poem. you offer false hope that can throw off the reader. to work on this add punctuation and variation to your themes.
thanks.
Very nice job on this! I think this is piece is very fresh and light. I really enjoyed reading it!
Hey,
I could relate to this piece a lot. It was refreshing to read. Good job!
Hello!
First off, I feel like the mood that this poem conveys is really nice. It gives off a very "Spring" vibe, which I think is what you were going for. I like the style of the multiple haikus all flowing together into one thing, as it helps to radiate the vibe of Spring I mentioned. I like the way how each haiku has a different subject, but they all come together in the end to send out a really sweet message of Spring. Not to mention that all of them focus on a particular aspect of Spring which is really neat.
I don't really see anything wrong grammar wise, nor anything wrong format wise. So, good job on that!
Anyways, that's all I've got for now! Keep on writing!
-FOF