Hey there! clogs here to review in this closing stretch of Review Day!
Ok, I have 20 minutes to review this in order to make it count for team Potter, so I'm just gonna jump right in:
Spring...
Summer...
Autumn...
Winter...
Was there any particular point for this? I'm pretty sure that the reader knows what the four seasons are. There's not really any point in stating them back to us if there's not gonna be anything else added to them. To me, this just didn't serve any purpose. You could probably take it out. And if you decide to keep it, you should know that those ellipses are really not necessary, are a huge eyesore, and should probably be removed. Sorry if I sound rude, but incorrectly used ellipses are one of my most major poetry pet peeves.
Moving right along:
My, four seasons of love
Not sure why there's a comma after "my". Another reviewer pointed this out, but as it still hasn't been changed, I thought I'd put down another reminder. Although "four seasons of love" makes perfect sense. Not sure what that reviewer was trying to say there. 0.0
Going back is insoluble
The closest meaning of "insoluble" that might work in this context is "impossible to solve". What? Going back is impossible to solve? That doesn't make any sense. Maybe try another word here. It kinda seemed like you were trying to use vocabulary for the sake of it. Try not to be too wordy.
I think the metaphors in this were pretty well done. It manages to be figurative without being wordy, which I think is probably a good choice for a prologue like this.
Now, let's talk about punctuation. Improperly used ellipses aside, this poem doesn't use any punctuation until the last stanza. It's perfectly fine not to use punctuation, but I think consistency is important. Especially considering that you didn't start using punctuation until you needed to indicate that something was a question, it seems to me that you weren't quite sure how to put punctuation in the first two stanzas. There are a couple of options. Here's an article that will go into a few options for you:
Poetry and Punctuation
Personally, I think it'd be best to punctuate this as you would prose. It's what you seem to be doing in the last stanza. It feels a little too unstructured without punctuation to me.
Overall, I found this pretty intriguing. It could use a bit of work, so I hope this review proved helpful to you in some way! Keep on writing!
Points: 3742
Reviews: 274
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