Spring...
Summer...
Autumn...
Winter...
My, four seasons of love
Our love is timeless
But our time keeps moving
Time keeps ticking
Oh, how I wish it would stop
Going back is insoluble
Can it end?
Will "ours" turn to "I"?
*This is a prologue of my poetry collection "Four Seasons." Spring, the first compilation, will be coming up soon.
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140,172 Literary Works • 673,034 Reviews
Hey there! clogs here to review in this closing stretch of Review Day!
Ok, I have 20 minutes to review this in order to make it count for team Potter, so I'm just gonna jump right in:
Was there any particular point for this? I'm pretty sure that the reader knows what the four seasons are. There's not really any point in stating them back to us if there's not gonna be anything else added to them. To me, this just didn't serve any purpose. You could probably take it out. And if you decide to keep it, you should know that those ellipses are really not necessary, are a huge eyesore, and should probably be removed. Sorry if I sound rude, but incorrectly used ellipses are one of my most major poetry pet peeves.
Moving right along:
Not sure why there's a comma after "my". Another reviewer pointed this out, but as it still hasn't been changed, I thought I'd put down another reminder. Although "four seasons of love" makes perfect sense. Not sure what that reviewer was trying to say there. 0.0
The closest meaning of "insoluble" that might work in this context is "impossible to solve". What? Going back is impossible to solve? That doesn't make any sense. Maybe try another word here. It kinda seemed like you were trying to use vocabulary for the sake of it. Try not to be too wordy.
I think the metaphors in this were pretty well done. It manages to be figurative without being wordy, which I think is probably a good choice for a prologue like this.
Now, let's talk about punctuation. Improperly used ellipses aside, this poem doesn't use any punctuation until the last stanza. It's perfectly fine not to use punctuation, but I think consistency is important. Especially considering that you didn't start using punctuation until you needed to indicate that something was a question, it seems to me that you weren't quite sure how to put punctuation in the first two stanzas. There are a couple of options. Here's an article that will go into a few options for you:
Poetry and Punctuation
Personally, I think it'd be best to punctuate this as you would prose. It's what you seem to be doing in the last stanza. It feels a little too unstructured without punctuation to me.
Overall, I found this pretty intriguing. It could use a bit of work, so I hope this review proved helpful to you in some way! Keep on writing!
Hello KittyMew! Gymnast2801 here with a review!
This poem was quite enjoyable and a bit mysterious. Although I liked this poem prologue, I found one two things you could work on fixing.
Here they are:
"My, four seasons of love"
Alrighty, well first off, you don't need a comma after 'my' and secondly, I'm not quite sure if you are actually referring to 'four seasons of love' or if it is just a typo and you meant, 'four seasons I love'. I feel like 'four seasons I love' makes more sense but that is only my opinion.
"Time keeps ticking"
This sentence doesn't really feel...I guess I would say finished. You need something more to it. I would change it to, 'Thime keeps ticking by' because that sounds finished. I hope you understand what I mean by "finished"
Otherwise, wonderful job! Keep writing and have a good day/night!
Hello! Pardon me if this review isn't amazing, I'm still attempting to get back into the swing of things here on YWS.
So, just a few things that I'm not sure about. I couldn't tell if the comma in "My, four seasons of love" was intentional. For me, at least, it disrupts the flow of the poem that could've so easily developed and set the mood throughout. I like how you spaced everything out here, it really helps recover from that slip in the mood. There isn't any set structure for the stanzas or the lines; no rhyme, no reason for how the words just seem to settle in each section. For something like this, a prologue of sorts, it makes sense enough. The final two lines leave your readers here questioning the almost haunting feeling it leaves with us, and we are left cold with this craving to know what happens. As with any good prologue, you roped us in.
A few suggestions, however, and in order. As I mentioned, I would remove the comma in line five, as it disrupts the flow. Actually, I'd reconsider punctuation over all in this one. You could make much better use of it, in my opinion. The few places you include it seem strangely out of place, excluding the last two lines. If I were you, I'd either be more consistent with it or remove it almost all together. That's just me, though.
I am DEFINITELY following you and I'm absolutely going to read the rest when you put it out. I look forward to seeing more of your work!
-SilloriaD