Published March 26, 2011
Wrote this a while ago, but still looking to improve on it...
There’s nothing more relaxing
Than laying on the almost-green grass
Watching flowers bloom
Under an early-spring sun
Little tulip buds sway
In the cool breeze
About to witness
Their third spring
Petals open slowly, shyly
The first gets halfway
With a new breath of fresh air
It pauses before continuing
Finally, it opens
Revealing fragile, feathery petals
It lifts to the sun
Warmth falls upon it like rain
The pink spreads; more flowers waking
A new spring has begun
I lean in close and whisper to one, “Welcome back.”
And it nods in agreement
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139,334 Literary Works • 672,537 Reviews
I love the title so much and i love that. The title gives me an idea of the passage. Great job.
~pixie2~
Hello! I'm in a poetry reviewing mood today! I loved this poem! I love warm climates and nice breezes. I don't really have anything else to add to those who have already edited it for you. I love this poem! I think it would be nice to see a poem for each season to go along with it as a group. You capture spring so well and would love to see how you capture the other seasons. Keep up the great work! I'm going to follow you! Mwahaha
This is really... Out. It puts you off balance right in the beginning, which is never good :/ Try to use a word instead of "almost green".
Huh?
LOVE this line. I love it a lot
Actually, I love this whole stanza.
Love the contrast of the last line. Warmth + rain = brilliance
The last bit that I put in this last line is just a suggestion of how it could be a bit better. Try to think of something else maybe? Or keep it the way it is.
Well, this was really great. As cupcake, Smylin G, Mickixoxo, and ehte92 have said, awesome imagery. I loved it, it makes me like spring more than I did...
Keep writing,
Alzora
Well, I think you did a really good job on this poem.(: Everyone before me already corrected any mistakes, so I don't have anything else to add. Again, good job.(:
Hi, Kitten! Nice to meet you, I'm Demeter.
This is a sweet poem that makes me miss spring time -- luckily it's almost here! However, the title is "Spring" and you also mention the word thrice in this whole poem, so that kind of defeats the meaning a little. Usually, when writing a poem about something, it's good to remember that you don't have to say the actual word to describe it. For example, you wrote about spring: even without saying "spring" excessively, you have words like grass, sun, petals, buds -- they automatically direct our minds to spring, especially when they're together. It can be an interesting experience and a writing exercise to try and describe an object or a concept without using their proper names even once.
Here is something slightly confusing:
You're implying that a petal opens revealing petals. Well, I suppose it's basically how it goes, but I find still find it a little odd. Something else to consider is perhaps replacing the other "petals" with another word, mainly because in poems you have less space to say something, and you should make the most of it. And making most of it usually doesn't allow room for repetition, unless it's done as an effect.
I actually like the ending; it's my favourite part in this poem and I don't find it harsh at all. I like the " pink spreads" part. It's pretty.
Overall, you did do a fine job at capturing what spring is mostly about. Spring is my favourite season, and I just can't wait for it to arrive now! Since you seem to handle the basics of poetry, next you could try going a bit deeper. Can you find something surprising about, say, spring, that not everyone has even thought about? I mean, most people think of flower buds opening and spring rains and blossoms when they think of spring -- but with a poem, you could show them that there is more to it than just that. Surprise them -- unusual things are more interesting.
Well, this is just something to put in mind, I'm getting carried away again. I hope that even something I said has helped you!
Demeter
x
Hello there.
I am Ehte here for the review.
I like this poem very much. You have done a great work with imagery. The description of spring was in a detailed way and it is a very good thing. But the flow of the poem was not good. It went off at many places which it shouldn't have. And you should give more attention towards the punctuation marks in a poem to make it perfect. Some nitpicks for you here.
You gave your poem a perfect start here and it sounded very good while reading. But as i already said that it lacked flow. And "earthly-spring sun" doesn't sound good. You should try something other than that there.
This was the weakest part of the poem. These four lines are actually one single line which is made into four lines. And it does not sound good while reading it. A more detailed description over here could do the trick.
The imagery in these stanzas is really very good and worthy of an applause. The contrast between words is just perfect but yet again the flow tries to destroy a bit. The last line line of the third stanza "It pauses before continuing" would need some rewording.
A good end to a good poem. But the last line over here is harsh as already said by the previous reviewer. Try working on it.
I hope i could help you. I really liked this and i am looking forward for your poems. Keep writing.
I loved your poem, but this line, and the "It pauses before continuing" seem as if they were from another poem, they do not connect to your style. But I still think that you've done a nice job.
I really like this poem!!
Althpugh some of the reason is because
my birthday is in spring xD
I love how you describe the nature wonders
that happen on spring (:
I am not that good woth poetry so I can't
really help you with anything but to encourage
you
<3
This is a very good poem. I love it because spring is my favorite season and this poem reminds me why
I love the imagery and it's almost like it actually is spring.... well.... technically it IS spring but I live in the north so it's still pretty freaking cold (it even snowed all week!) so this poem made me happy XD
I really like this poem. It made me really wish spring would just come already. I'm still in winter. I like the last part of the poem the best. About the little flowers whispering welcome back. It was just so...so...springy!!!!!!!!!!!! My favorite stanzas were the second and last ones. Great job with the poem idea, but some of it sounded childish, you know what I mean?
Great work,
Emmy
I love how you made your concept of spring revolve around the flowers. It set the perfect mood of the season. My favorite stanza was this:
Shy flowers.
This is my favourite part.
This is a great poem. I loved it. It has good imagery. Thats all I really have to say. Keep writing!