Published September 30, 2007
I Can't Be Rid of You
It's melody masked and immersed in malarial malady;
Cloaked in a cough, screaming take it all off, and a chill.
Diet rest and exorcism
Should help for the rheumatism,
For the rest your choice colour of pill.
My love, please know that
I'm no fool
But you're a fever that won't cool.
It's not love sickness it's just sickness
Stockholm's Syndrome in Spring
But that's the thing
You delicious disease, you're
My sweet sexy seizure
I can't be rid of you.
My friends call it hypochondria
They say it's inside of my head
They say it's not right
That I'm up half the night
And I spend half the day in your bed
It's tender, raw and real
You're an ache that will not heal
It's not love sickness it's just sickness
Stockholm's Syndrome in Spring
But that's the thing
You delicious disease, you're
My sweet sexy seizure
I can't be rid of you.
No, I cannot, will not be rid of you.
(Notes: I wrote this a while ago, a friend challenged me to write a song involving malaria, while I challenged him to write one about a mnemonic pneumatic drill. I was just learning about trino, Paraguayan tremolo at the time, so picture me playing this on harp with a kind of Latin syncopation thing happening, with blues and swing influences there, even a few moments of le Jazz Hot Club, with some xylophonic technique and harmonics adding some texture. It doesn't quite make sense without the music, or the nudity.
There's also a syncopated rhythm known about these parts as Have-you-been-to-My-Mich-a-la-go. It's a long story)
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141,381 Literary Works • 674,386 Reviews
Great! I can see this just a voice, without any instruments, maybe a guitar? I liked it a lot!
it was good... i liked it
If you think about it there is a lot of truth to that song.
This is probably my favorite part, though it's difficult to pick just one. The alliteration in this piece makes me swoon. I'd love to hear it performed!
My dear Goddess Word, this is both funny and touching all at once.
I also thing it would work really well in the way you imply in your note. Sounds like something I'd enjoy.
My favourite line has to be;
"Stolkholm's Syndrome in Spring"
I'm not sure why but it's just this little perfect line. I think you've done well with the alliteration as well. Often it can be hard to sift through, but you've separated it nicely and I think it shouldn'tbe too hard to sing. (this coming from one who never sings :p )
Now, in a few lines I thought there might be needing some more punctuation, but reading it over again, I'm not sure what those lines were. Which is confusing, but maybe you could read it out loud and see if you find a small problem there? It wasn't anything drastic, just a line or two where I thought some punctuation might aid it.
Anyway! I like this. ^^
*Hearts* Le Penguin.
Nice lyrics. Are you somehow a fan of hard rock or death metal? Because I think you are based on the lyrics that you made.
That in itself is very cool, and makes everything come together in my mind; I think it would be lovely sung. Sounds a tad Chick Corea-esqe, unless I've read it wrong?
I didn't like this stanza/verse as much as the others; it didn't seem as... carefully done as the others, and falling into the trap of most songs, that the beginning and end are nice, but the middle is something that could be tuned out. I especially love the first stanza. It just flows nice and seems to lend itself to song.
Wow
This is really deep and it made me stop and think for a while about all the different meanings it could have - I love stories and poems like that. You used some really nice and dramatic imagery and made me feel the emotion from the author.
I particulary liked; "My sexy sweet seizure". I thought that the way you worded this was a wonderful way to put it and also an unusally sensual way to describe the drama and emotion.
I think maybe the flow needs to be revised - I get this told to me a lot, I still can't perfect my own - as in some places it jumped and in other places it didn't really fit in the with the flow at all and just seemed like a paragraph from a speech or something. If you know what I mean...
Anyway, this was really good.