Published February 1, 2010
Lottë and the German Student
"Ich fing an. I began.
Ich habe angefangen. I have begun.
Ich hatte angefangen. I had begun."
I keep my eyes on the music. This is the fifth time I've started the damn excercise, and if I don't finish it, I'll finish him.
"It's not so much verb conjugation as it is foreshadowing, isn't it?" He says.
I give a non-comittal rising "Hmm?"
Right hand 3241.
Left hand 43....
Left hand...
My arm becomes heavy, my wrist stiff and perfunctory. The note sours in my mouth. I swing the harp forward to the floor. In order to stretch, I cross my arms in the dip of the neck, and lean into the instrument.
Scheisse!
"What?" I say.
He smiles, "I began, I have begun, I had begun. Had. Done. Done with."
"Well isn't that all verb conjugation is?" I say, "Foreshadowing."
"Ashes to ashes, present to past tense." He says.
In play, I slap his shoulder, "Spreken ze Deutsch!" My calloused fingertip follows the line, "Wir fangen an.Wir fingen an.Wir haben angefangen."
We.
In a few short days, the semester will begin, and I will never see him again, but there is no point talking like it. A few furtive messages on the message bank of a disposed disposable mobile, maybe he will try and find my friends. "Lottë?" They'll say, bewildered. I have ways of making it a clean break, at least clean for me.
Right hand 3241
Left hand 4312
Da Capo al fine; con fuoco, now.
He was a diversion, not a distraction.
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141,360 Literary Works • 674,381 Reviews
Hey Kit!
I'll review this today!
First of all, I have to say bravo! I liked it, even when there were part that were confusing. Well not your fault.lol.
So I liked your character. To be honest, there is very little chance, that in a story this short a character can be liked or hated. Why? Because the writer focuses in other things like having a nice plot development, or setting things up before they get to the real story, so they forget the importance of the character, the mood and the things that are being transmitted to the reader.
In this piece, that I have to say is really interesting, something that really helped it, was the style you gave to it, which I assume is your unique style that gave this piece a different feeling. Your style is exquisite and not many writers manage to do something this short but this awesome.
Something that would have been good is if you would have put a little more setting into it, more background. It helps the story, the plot, the characters because it gives a mood and it makes me see the whole scene.
So, this was really awesome and I would like to see more and get to know your character more.
Pudin
This was very, very impressive. For me, short works always give me fits because they're so short, and sometimes that can be painful because they can be cryptic.
But this work makes up for that with a unique style in itself. Even though you have no idea who the protagonist is really (Save for the heading obviously) or his mentor (Same thing) you almost don't need to, because for how short this work is, characterization isn't entirely necessary.
The only thing I can think of that I would say you should consider for the next time around would be a little bit more of imagery. Give the reader an image of evertying that's going on, you know? Otherwise, this is terrific stuff, really.
This is awesome!
Post more soon!