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Young Writers Society



Maverick

by Kira_Marii


A small child's curiosity is one of the most wonderful things in life. He doesn't know that the world is any bigger than his own backyard and he wants to explore every foot of his world. Many children explore and only get a learning experience. This child explored his world and made a life for himself before he was even seven. 

     A long time ago there was a nice family. A mother, a father, and a small boy. The boy's name was Maverick and he loved to explore more than any other child. He was only five and had explored his whole house except the garage.  

     Maverick held a big sippy glass filled with apple juice in his hand as he played with all the things in his garage. He come to the car parked close to the wall. No one was going to drive it because his parents were selling it. His parents wanted more space and move the car. 

     Maverick, being the curious little boy he was, found the place where you put the gas in the car. He poured his apple juice into the hole. He was very proud of himself. There was no gas in the car and he felt he had helped his parents out a whole lot. They were always complaining they never had enough gas so now, Maverick figured, they would be happy. 

     His mother came and called him in for lunch. 

     “Mommy! I filled the car up with gas!” Maverick shouted.  

     “What do you mean you 'filled it up'?” his mother asked. 

     “It will growl now,” Maverick explained. 'Growl' meant that the car would start. 

     “What did you put in the car?” his mother asked now worried. If the car broke, they would not be able to sell it for a good price, if they could sell it at all. 

     “Gas,” Maverick said, “Mommy, try it!” 

     His mother realized what Maverick had poured into the car and she became less worried. She gave into her son's pleads and turned the key in the ignition slot.  

     “See, Maverick, the car doesn't like apple juice,” his mother said. Then she heard something. It was a small rumble. She turned around and saw the lights on and the car running. She cautiously tapped her foot on the gas and it spurted forward. That was just the beginning. 

 

     Maverick's family tried to keep this apple juice gas a secret, but soon word got out. Local news stations came and interviewed the family and it soon gained national attention. The family traveled all around the country and went on Oprah, Ellen, and Good Morning America. Maverick was a multi-millionaire before he was six! 

     Growing up, especially in high school, Maverick was made fun of. He was called a nerd because he always got good grades no girl would be caught dead with him and he had no guy friends. His parents knew what was going on, but asked him to please not tell anyone about his money and fame. They were afraid people would use him. Maverick kept this promise. 

     After collage, Maverick withdrew a few million dollars from the bank and bough an ocean view mansion in Los Angeles. He married a super model and had three children. Then he built an apple juice factory to help bring down the rising apple juice prices. He was a very honest man and gave people what they deserved. He started a few charity funds to help out poor families in the United States.  


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18 Reviews


Points: 2390
Reviews: 18

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Sun Jun 07, 2009 5:37 am
barney wrote a review...



Hey there!
Welcome to YWS..
Okay, here goes,

He went to the car parked close to the wall.

-'come' is more of an order.
They were always complaining they never had enough gas, so now, Maverick figured,

“What did you put in the car?” his mother asked, now worried.

He was called a nerd because he always got good grades, no girl would be caught dead with him and he had no guy friends.

-You could also try putting a period after 'good grades.'

That's pretty much it. Your story was good, but you should put a plot into it. After reading the end, it felt like it was the end. I agree with drama_queen that you should tell more about his childhood and tell us about his highschool days. Hope I helped!

-barney :)




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Points: 890
Reviews: 19

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Sun Jun 07, 2009 3:25 am
drama_queen wrote a review...



Hi there! I see you're new here. So am I, but I'd just like to point out that this website has a two for one policy. That is, you should review at least two pieces before posting your own. We'd all love it if you would do that as soon as you can.

The beginning of this piece was quite good, because little kids make me smile. But after he grew up and went to high school, I lost interest. You need to describe his life. Make it longer, and make me care a bit more. You just told us what happened, but it didn't relate to the story at all. I would cut out the last few bits, and expand on when he's a little kid. Perhaps it can be a story he's telling his children, which you can reveal at the end.

I hope I helped, and remember to make those reviews!





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