Heya, Sour Cream! Casanova here to do another review!
The main thing I like about this poem is the emotion behind it, and you can tell it's there. It's strict emotion, there's not add ins besides the story you're telling, and I like that. What I didn't like, however, was that this did lack any poetic devices and I was rather put off from reading it because of that. I would say something like imagery, metaphors, and simile's would be a good way to help you, and I think if you toyed around with this enough you would have a pretty decent piece in your hands.
Overall this was a decent piece that seems to be coming from the heart, and I hope I can see where you can take it. Use imagery, create an actual atmosphere, and let us envision exactly what you're wanting us to see without exactly saying it. That way we can feel and imagine all in the same go, and I really like the thoughts of this being turned to fit that exactly. Oh, and my favorite part of this was the last line,"Why... Why did it come to this?" That was a really good ending to this, and I don't think it should be changed. IT leaves off on a cliffhanger, yeah, but I feel like that just helps it.
Anyway, that's all I have to say on this one, and I hope it helped.
Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.
Your friend, Matt
Points: 3571
Reviews: 624
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