Published February 12, 2007
Although this is my first song I've ever written, I would really like to know what you think of it. It goes in the book I'm writing so I need to know if it's any good or not. I'm also not sure if songs use puncuation but oh well.
This is Where I am Now
Looking back now
All I see,
Are the memories
Forever haunting me
[Increasing Beat]
(Chorus)
But look at me now,
Here I am;
Standing right before you
This is me,
In the flesh;
Standing right beside you
This is where
I am now
(End Chorus)
[Original Tempo]
Might as well
Be a slave
For you treated me
No,no,no
Differently
But who's to say
I'm not your equal?
[Increasing Beat]
[Electric Guitar Solo]
(Chorus)
But look at me now,
Here I am;
Standing right before you
This is me,
In the flesh;
Standing right beside you
This is where
I am now
(End Chorus)
[Repeat Chorus]
[End Song, Fade Out]
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,378 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
Thats great!u don't neccesarily have to change it.
I originally had it without that stanza but it seemed like I had too much of chorus so I put it in there. Personally I like it better my original way.
I agree that the idea should be expanded. The verses as they stand are quite vague. And the "geeky dork" line? Has to go. You can rephrase the idea in a more interesting way.
I do like the chorus, if you flesh out the verses a bit more.
I pretty much liked it.I liked the topic on which the song was based on and you were clear and specific to the reader how the song is going to flow out.But I would suggest to expand it a bit.like Siam says:
I totally agree with him.Try working on this and the song can be really good.
Keep up the good work.
~Ani~
Okay song. Not bad, but it reminds me of going back to a high school reunion as a very rich (also good looking) lawyer or doctor. Also try to expand on the idea. Most of the song is chorus and the last two stanza that isn't chorus don't seem as well though out. They illustrate your point but seem to have been thrown together in a hurry just to finish the song. I don't know, that's just my opinion. Not bad though...