.

I have a few tips and suggestions. First I think you introduced too many characters in one chapter, the first chapter at that. You can use some description to clarify what the setting is like. After reading your chapter I'm not sure what the setting is like at all. Are they at Mr.Crashwell's base? A bank? I have no idea where the story is. I also have no idea what the conflict is. What is going on? Why are they attacking Crashwell? Who is the Hero League? Your chapter leaves so many questions so I suggest trying this:

Perhaps go back even further than this plot and develop your characters and powers (starting with your main protagonist) Don't develop all their powers at once. After all it didn't take the Flash one day to learn how to use all his skills with the Speed Force.

Create events in which it shows the characters relationships among one another. Such as the team. How did they form? Do they like each other? Not?

I think you should develop your main character and maybe have them join this Hero League. Develop the organization further because it's purpose is unknown to me.

The CW's The Flash has underdeveloped villians. Reverse Flash is the most developed. If you watch the show or not, I suggest paying attention to key elements used in development. Captain Cold as well. (I'm not saying copy the exact events, but see what the show has done to express them. For example Captain Cold stole his Cold Gun from Cisco that was hidden in Star Labs. Does Crashwell steal anything from the Hero League?) It helps to develop a hero and villain's background. It may take some time, bit I promise it's worth it. Whatever the major conflict is, I suggest making mini conflicts with villains that would be low ranking characters in comics. Development is worth it I promise.

Consider my advice and for what I look for. You don't have to fo this, but at least see what I mean about development.

-Devon

I have a few tips and suggestions. First I think you introduced too many characters in one chapter, the first chapter at that. You can use some description to clarify what the setting is like. After reading your chapter I'm not sure what the setting is like at all. Are they at Mr.Crashwell's base? A bank? I have no idea where the story is. I also have no idea what the conflict is. What is going on? Why are they attacking Crashwell? Who is the Hero League? Your chapter leaves so many questions so I suggest trying this:

Perhaps go back even further than this plot and develop your characters and powers (starting with your main protagonist) Don't develop all their powers at once. After all it didn't take the Flash one day to learn how to use all his skills with the Speed Force.

Create events in which it shows the characters relationships among one another. Such as the team. How did they form? Do they like each other? Not?

I think you should develop your main character and maybe have them join this Hero League. Develop the organization further because it's purpose is unknown to me.

The CW's The Flash has underdeveloped villians. Reverse Flash is the most developed. If you watch the show or not, I suggest paying attention to key elements used in development. Captain Cold as well. (I'm not saying copy the exact events, but see what the show has done to express them. For example Captain Cold stole his Cold Gun from Cisco that was hidden in Star Labs. Does Crashwell steal anything from the Hero League?) It helps to develop a hero and villain's background. It may take some time, bit I promise it's worth it. Whatever the major conflict is, I suggest making mini conflicts with villains that would be low ranking characters in comics. Development is worth it I promise.

Consider my advice and for what I look for. You don't have to fo this, but at least see what I mean about development.

-Devon

Good morning! Tulip here to give you a review on your prologue of Without Darkness.

Okay, so this may be scatterbrained but that is how I review sometimes. So here it is.

Okay, you have four or five different people in this scene. We weren't really introduced to them (so I hope you plan on doing that in one of the other chapters?), and the fact that Mercy and Valerie appeared out of nowhere seems a bit odd. you never said that the team was in the room with Brightstar (Warrior cat reference by the way xD). So if you could clear that up, it'd be greatly appreciated.

Okay, in the last paragraph, you need to separate the quote from the rest of what happened. It's one of the rules of writing. I mean it may work, but others may tell you the same thing. So I'd advise on doing that.

You had good imagery in some places while you didn't use it in others. This is okay, but there was some areas I was hoping to catch some... but didn't find any.

Here's one:

"That'd be true my darling, I must admit I'd never thought I'd be caught" he said as he put a silver flask back into his jacket, "but you'd proven me wrong; with the magic that lay behind this door I would have been unstoppable, the world would have been mine to control." Mr. Cashwell said swinging his cane that held a bright red jewel toward the large stone door behind him.

Brightstar flew to Cashwell's side.

The stone door slowly opened to a blinding white light in contrast to the dark chamber the four were in.

A particularly powerful then knocks a stalactite loose sending it straight into the barrier destroying it like glass.

Screeches and howls could be heard from the other side of the stone door.