.

Eerie. I like it, though. I'd like to read more to this story. I can't really figure out what's going on, and that's what makes it the creepiest. I really like that it's about Insanity, because I happen to be a huge fan of Batman villains. Ex.) The Scarecrow, Joker, Penguin (Not necessarily in order)

First off, this prologue is really light on content, so a review is rather difficult. However, here I go:

The mysteriousness of the entire thing is slightly overwhelming. There is no visual description of any kind, but if you're going for audible description only, there needs to be slightly more of it, and in a higher resolution. For instance, instead of simply stating that there was laughter, try say how it sounded, how it was affected by its surroundings.

Example:

Laughter, "do you honestly..."

-OR-

Laughter, low and booming, echoed throughout the space, drowning out the slow popping of lava.


For me, starting off with a character speaking is OK, as long as there is something that can help it out, such as a complex piece of speech, or visual description, like what the character was wearing. Since you've gone for audio only for this segment, you don't quite pull it off. This leads onto the feeling of being dropped into a scenario, and expected to understand what exactly was going on. Audio can sometimes work with this, but you need really good description, and that is the one thing that is lacking. As I said before, the mystery behind it is too overpowering. There's a fine line between flat-out confusing a reader and reeling a reader in.


Grammar is what is really weighing this piece down. Mistakes are strewn throughout it, like some spellings and abbreviations. 'Threw out the world' is chucking a planet out of a container- what you're looking for is 'throughout the world'; something global.

Summary-

Good points:
Interesting plot

Needs work:
Grammar
Tone down the mystery, slightly
Descriptive techniques slightly bolstered.

You should also look at the other reviews, they will always do a better job than just one.

The prologue seems to be some backstory to the protagonist. Perhaps it's something that's easier to present at the start, as it could have been something that happened years back and would somehow be difficult to show later on; however, if you can find a way to incorporate it somewhere within the novel, then I suggest you do that instead. People do tend to skip the prologue as it is sometimes deemed unnecessary. Putting that aside, I do appreciate how you try to convey the tense or somewhat eerie vibe that's working here, but some of the sentences distracted me enough to pull me away from the mood. I think some sentences here could've been separated, like this for example: "We will meet again I can promise you that, the cycle will continue and I will not remain bound when you return here, I promise that."

Maybe what you could have done instead was make it three different sentences. It still is up to you though. There are also times when I notice that you forget to capitalize some words that succeed a punctuation mark. You can go back and check those out later on when you edit.

Overall, there is a good concept behind this story as far as I can see. You just need to be a little bit more careful with the execution, but other than that, you're okay. Best of luck and I hope to see more of your work.

Hey General, here to drop some thoughts as promised.

I can't say, but it seems that the events here are something that either happened before the story takes place, or as the climax of a story. If it falls into either of these categories, I guarantee this prologue is not necessary. You'll be able to find a way to work it into an actual chapter.

Additionally, this prologue doesn't do much for the story itself. It seems redundant (?). I started reading this knowing nothing of your story. I finished reading this, and I know nothing of your story. I think there is a fine balance between too much and not enough, and this prologue is definitely leaning on the 'not enough'.

My advice is to discard it and work on the first chapter. In case you decide to keep it, below I have grammatical nitpicks. Within my quotes is the correct version, as I didn't feel like copying what's already written.

"How is it that you're not dead? I've stabbed you straight in your heart!"

Laughter. "Do you honestly think you can kill Insanity?