Well, I've had the idea in my head for this story for awhile... but I got a three-month long writers block after the first page and a half @_@. Anyway, I hope that you like it. (Rated 13+ for swearing and suggestive themes) Chapters one through seven are in this thread.
2/24/08: I've decided to stop posting chapters of this story. I'll keep writing the story and everything, but for me, the need to post every chapter makes me think that 'I have to' write rather than 'I want to' write. Thank you all for your comments and great critiques, and I wish you all good luck in your own writings.
8/22/07: I'll be posting chapters 8 and beyond in separate threads to make them easier to critique.
Chapter 8: post234532.html#234532
Chapter 9: post238028.html#238028
Chapter 10: post246008.html#246008
Chapter 11: post254216.html#254216
Chapter 12: post279349.html#279349
Chapter 13: topic25170.html
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Rain
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“If I were rain,
That joins the sky and earth that otherwise never touch,
Could I join two hearts as well?”
--Tite Kubo
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Chapter 1: Craig Selva
The rain seemed to come down as if to poke fun at the people who wished for sunlight. It came down from dawn to dusk without stopping. Craig had always liked the rain, so he never wore a waterproof jacket or kept an umbrella with him. He tended to enjoy the pitter-patter feeling of water droplets on his face, so he simply never bothered with covering himself up. In fact, he preferred the rain over a sunny day every time. All he did throughout those gloomy days in the city were talking with his friends on the streets, maintaining his little "gang's" territory, and taking walks in the rain with his clothes saturated with the chillingly cold gift from the clouds. In a way, he, too, poked fun at the sun-loving people in the dark and disgusting city he lived in. With it’s faceless skyscrapers and endless rain, it seemed only fit for the rejects of the world to live.
The sarcastic, smoking, drinking, high school dropout had once again found himself walking through the densely-packed sidewalks of the city with a lit cigarette between his lips and his hands in his pockets. Craig was a fairly tall seventeen year-old; about six feet on the dot. His short black hair was matted against his skull, and the rain cascaded down his thick locks in streams. He wore a dark brown trench coat and blue jeans along with dirty white cross-trainers. His mind had been lost in thought ever since he left his parents' apartment, and he had kept walking ever since. The roar of a passing truck jerked him out of his trance, and splashed an entire puddle of water onto his leg in the process.
Craig mumbled several curses under his breath and shook out his drenched leg, and continued to walk. He didn’t care if he got wet, what he cared about was when. Only he decided when he was going to get rained on. To him, nobody else had the right to do so. Just as he started to walk on a crosswalk on an intersection, there was a flash of light overhead followed immediately by a blast of thunder. A few people around him cringed at the noise, but he remained unmoved in his renewed trance.
“Well,” he said to himself as he spat out his cigarette into the gutter, “I may as well find a hotel for the night.” It wasn’t like he felt welcome back in that apartment, anyway. He stood under a bus stop’s overhang and counted the money in his wallet. Seventy three bucks. It was more than enough for a single night at a shabby hotel. Craig looked around and ran towards the first hotel to cross his sight. It was a simple hostel with a flickering sign standing on the front of it that read “Hotel: one night- $35.00”. It was run-down and dirty, but it would suit Craig’s needs, so he opened the door, which squeaked on the hinges followed by a small bell, and stepped inside.
A bellboy was standing behind the counter. He finished talking to a small group of people and gave them a key. Once he saw Craig enter, he said, “Welcome, sir.”
“Yeah, thanks. Do you have a room?” Craig said quickly, uncaring.
“I’m so sorry, but that group just took the last available room. We’re booked.”
“Crap,” Craig said under his breath, and promptly turned around.
“Wait, I can call some of the nearby hotels and see if they have any rooms left. It‘d leave a bad taste in my mouth if I leave you out in the cold with this kind of weather.”
He stopped just as he put his hand on the doorknob. “Fine, make a call.” He walked over to the counter and leaned on it as the bellboy picked up an old-fashioned tan-colored phone.
After a few seconds, the bellboy said into the receiver, “Yes, I have a guy here who needs a room for the night, and we’re booked over here, so… yeah, just one guy… oh, really? Well, thanks,” he hung up and said to Craig, “Looks like a lot of people like you want to get out of this storm we’re having. I’ll make a few more calls if you’d like.”
Craig said flatly, “Go ahead.”
The bellboy made several more calls, but had no luck in finding a hotel for Craig. “I’m sorry about this.”
“It’s fine.” He started to walk towards the door once again. Not once throughout his short stay did he change his expression.
“Wait a sec. There may be a place with rooms, but…”
“Just tell me where it is.” He said without turning around.
“… Okay, then. It’s on Tune Street down a small alley between the video rental store and the pawn shop. It’s kind of hard to miss.”
Craig whirled around, tromped over to the bellboy, and said angrily, “That’s a love hotel, smart-ass!”
“W-well, there might be other singles like you staying there for the night, so--”
“No way in hell I’d go in there by myself. I have an image to maintain around here! And if you think for one second I'll sleep in one of those disgusting beds...” He shuddered slightly, but maintained his angry look.
Bellboy let out a sigh, “Fine, stay out in the cold, for all I care.”
Well, Craig later found himself walking to Tune Street and sidling in between the two closed stores as stealthily as possible. If any of his street friends happened to be catch him walking there, his reputation of being a tough guy would’ve crumbled in an instant. Once he got there, he was at least relieved to see that it didn’t even look like a love hotel. It seemed only slightly cleaner than the hotel he went to earlier… and had no windows.
After mumbling a few more curse words, Craig finally opened the door. Inside, everything was red carpet and draperies, shining hardwood floors, and chandeliers. It may not have looked like a love hotel on the outside, but on the inside, it looked just the part.
“Welcome!” A woman, who looked like she was in her thirties, standing next to the staircase said. She had wavy black hair and wore a thick mask of make-up on her face. It was as if she was trying to hide the great beauty she had with a layer of dirt. At the most, she was mediocre-looking with the make-up on, but Craig seemed to be able to tell with those kind of things. The woman wore a red one-piece dress with black high-heels. “Oh. Are you alone? That‘s… rare…”
“Yeah, I just need a room for the night,” Craig said with embarrassment.
“It takes a lot of guts to come to a place like this alone,” she joked. “If you’d like a room, then you’re in luck. The couple that took the last room just left…”
“Then I’ll take that room. How much?” He took out his wallet.
“It’s usually forty-five dollars for a couple, but since you’re alone, I’ll cut it down to thirty.”
“Awesome.”
She grabbed the last set of keys on the montage of room numbers on the wall behind the counter, and said, “This way.”
Craig followed her up the stairs all the way to the fourth floor. The smells that emanated from each room were too out-there for him to describe to himself. He was surprised that there was so little… sounds of activity going on throughout the building. He couldn’t help but ask, “Are the walls sound-proof or something?”
They walked down the hallway as she said, “Yeah. It guarantees privacy for my customers.”
“I had to ask.”
“They all do their first time here.” She smiled jokingly as she turned the key to room numbered 406. The door opened, and they stepped inside to the brightly-lit room. “Hm. They must’ve left the lights on. Anyway, enjoy your stay.”
“Yeah, thanks.” Craig said as she walked out and closed the door behind herself. He tossed the keys onto the queen-sized bed, and unbuttoned his coat. Underneath it, he was wearing a black t-shirt that read across the chest: 'I’m not crazy, just ask my imaginary friend Bob!' From his lumped-up trench coat, he pulled a box of cigarettes, and bit the tip of one to pull it out. From his left pants pocket he brandished a black lighter, and casually lit the cigarette. He puffed out a small plume of gray smoke.
"Ah!" A high-pitched voice squeaked from behind him. He whirled around to see a girl, about a head shorter than he, standing next to the bathroom door wearing a white towel. She had long and wet dirty blond hair that went down past her shoulders and a somewhat petite body. Her dark brown eyes were full of fear and surprise. For the instant their eyes met, their senses seemed to fall numb. The cigarette fell out of Craig’s mouth and put itself out as it landed on the carpet.
At the same time the two of them shouted angrily, “Who the hell are you?”
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I'll leave you hanging for awhile. XD
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Hey King!
Chapter 3
I liked chapter three and how you made Amelia and Craig's life seem so similar but really they're living in two different worlds. I had only one problem, and that was Craig's house. It just seems too surreal and far out there, you know? Just a little bit more descriptions and similes here and there would be bring this down to earth. I'll keep reading, and yes, this story is addicting because its like nothing I've ever read. You're an amazing writer and I hope you don't give up on this. Its going to take me a while to finish this because I'm reading so many other's peoples books that its ridiculous. But I won't abandon this. See you again soon.
~Angel
'ello KingKamor!
Hopefully I can still be of some help.
I'm back and ready to read the rest of these chapter. I know you said that these chapters are like a year old but I can't help but read the rest
Chapter Five:
I think you are totally wrong about this chapter! This was my favorite so far! I loved how you refered to her life through her paintings. It really helped us see her in a different light. I thought it was really well done!
But I guess it's up to you if you want to change anything...
Chapter Six:
Your writing continues to improve as the story goes one. This was another one of my favorites. The dialogue between Craig and Amelia was flawless. Loved every minute of it!
I do have to say that the part with Allen with a fat-lip was kind of confusing. I thought Craig said that Allen shouldn't fight? But he did anyway? You might want to clear that up a bit, just so the reader understands more.
Chapter Seven:
Wow, this chapter was really good. I loved the idea of the Friday Night Music thing. Very cool
I think you should describe the scene with them running away more, though. I was kind of confused at that point on what was happening until Amelia started to fall. Might need to clear that up more.
Otherwise, this was really great. Your writing just keeps getting better and better. I see that you post the new chapters in different threads so I am off to look at more of them!
Keep up the good work, King!
Hello again!!
I liked Chapter 2. Craig's character is really growing on me so expect to get a lot of comments from me as I continue to read. This story is hilarious and yet you kinda get a sense of reality. It just has that mood that makes you want to keep reading over and over again. I didn't find any mistakes but just to tell you right now I'm not that good with grammar and I don't think I ever will be-so don't take my word when I say there were no grammatical mistakes. The ending of Chapter 2 was what I really loved. Because again Craig's sense of humor was brought out and it was just a refreshing way to end a great chapter. Can't wait to read the next chapter.
Keep writing,
-Angel
Hello, KingKamor. I'm just going to do a chapter-by-chapter review since you posted all of your chapters in one thread.
It sounds like a scientists madhouse! Really awesome work!
Chapter One:
This was a solid beginning. It brought about a sense of pity for your MC because he was so lonely. But it also brought about a sense of amusement at the end.
I thought you did well but it kind of dragged at certain parts. My advise would be to pick up some parts, make them more interesting. For instance, the moment in the first hotel with the man calling and stuff...that was dragged out beyond what it should have been. Just leave it simple and to the point. That way, the reader doesn't get bored.
Chapter Two:
This chapter was better. I liked this one. But I felt you kind of exaggered at points with her bawling on the floor. Would someone really burst into tears at the sight of her boyfriend ditching her? Maybe...and yet, she seemed to get over it pretty fast with Craig being there.
My thing is that you need to make it more relatable and not so cliche. Right now, we know that these are the two main characters that will be in this Romance. Try to make it more elusive than that. Leave the reader guessing, you know?
Chapter Three:
There were a few cliches again, like the sunny weather and stuff. But I must give you props on the house you described. So cool!
I think that the only problem with this chapter was the lack of info. It was kind of pointless stuff you gave us. You need to make this chapter impacting to the whole plot. But I guess I can't really talk as I haven't read past this chapter....
So just ignore that and keep writing!
Chapter Four:
This chapter was good. I feel like the plot is slowly coming together as the story moves along. My only thoughts on this would be to try to tie more things together. It seems so ordinary talking about the a**hole, Nathan, and their social lives. I feel like you are missing something...?
I'm sorry. I bet that is super confusing and I guess you can just ignore that comment all together. The best bet I would have for you is to just read through it yourself and try to find what would be best to add, or cut out.
Good Luck with this!
I'll be back later to read the rest...
Hey there!
Well I just happened to be looking at your portfolio, just to find something to read and I picked this! The title is what really caught my eye. Its short and to the point but then you make it seem like so much more when you talk about rain in the story. This was really great and Craig is a very...unique character. Can't wait to find more about him. I hate cliffhangers but this was a good one. Laughed when I read it. I know you didn't post anymore of this story after Chapter thirteen but just because I am very conversational I'll just ask. How's it going with this story? Did you ever decide to continue this after Chapter thirteen? Are you going to get this published? Yeah if you ask anybody whose story I've critiqued they'll tell you that I can sure talk. But the reason for my curiosity is because I have so much respect for people who can write a large amount of chapters. Long ones at that. I would've have never guessed you had Writer's Block. I'll keep reading. Great Job!
-Angel
read first post for announcement, please.
i love this it is soo cool keep writing ur right about that last chapter the descripions are bland. i like how you put in that changing scean with ms.sal.
Chapter 13 has been posted.
And thank you for the comments. =3
Wowwowowowowowowow!! thats a totally awesome piece of writing. you've probably already heard that be4 but still!
i wanna keep reading but i cant find ch. 6 or 7.
where are they?
Chapter 11 is up. See first post for a link. =3
*looks stoned* niiiiiiiiiiccccceeeeee
Okay, yeah, I liked this. It's hard to actually critique it, because all the chapters are together, though...I don't have time to actually go through all of them. But it was good! Intriguing.
The whole thing about the rain is very intriguing. Is it some sort of wetness cult? Rain giving you strength, or some such? Anyway, it's good so far...
Keep it coming!
Yours absolutely and always,
A/N: Wow, I deeply apologise for the longlong wait for this chapter, but, well, here it is! Surprisingly enough, I finished about a quarter of it in the past half hour or so. Note to self: Drink Coke or other caffeine while writing. Anyway, I'm kind of proud of this chapter, so I hope that you enjoy it.
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Chapter 7: Singing in the Rain
Craig and Amelia:
“No freakin’ way in hell,” Craig said with humorous amazement, placing a palm on his face with a laugh.
“What? We’re just going to Jay’s,” Amelia said as they approached the diner.
“That’s just it, I eat here, too!”
“Nu-uh!” Jacky laughed.
“Come on, isn’t it obvious? They have cheap food, great music, ambience, smoking allowed twenty four seven, a dartboard with the really pointy metal darts. It’s my kind of place.”
“You smoke?” Richard asked with surprise.
“Since I was twelve.” Craig pronounced proudly, as if he had achieved an impossible feat.
Sean opened the front door and said, “You should kick the habit, dude. Smoking’s nasty.” Everyone walked into the dirty diner, after which Craig was directed by Amelia towards the group’s usual table.
“What’s so wrong with smoking?” Craig asked once he sat down on the edge of his seat with a deep slouch. He sat across from Amelia at the circular table.
“Come on, pal,” Jacky said, “there are much cooler ways to die than to get lung cancer.”
“Example?”
Richard chimed in, “Be in a high-speed chase with the cops!”
“I don’t have a car.”
Jacky thought for a moment, “You could get killed in a fire fight against a rival gang.”
“While water-skiing,” Sean said, Amelia letting out a small laugh at his addition.
“I don’t even have a gun,” Craig said, “well, not anymore. My gang fell apart years ago, anyway.”
Jacky and Sean stared at him in disbelief. Jacky said, “I was… only joking about the gang thing.”
“Really? Are gangs that uncommon outside downtown?”
Amelia entered the conversation, “Well, yeah. The police are much more diligent about their duties around where I live than in this area. Probably because it’s easier out in the suburbs to begin with.”
“So? More fun for me, right?”
“That’s one way to look at it.”
The group found a surprisingly fun side in the one who had admonished Amelia a week ago. They also found that he was well-acquainted with the manager of Jay’s, so they got their meals absolutely free. It wasn’t long after they “paid” for their meals that they left the diner. Despite stepping out into the rain, most everyone in the group welcomed it.
Amelia said, “Well, it was cool seeing you again, but the rest of us need to go home.” There was a large groan from the rest of the group. “What? We all have lives, unlike this guy.” She pointed a finger at Craig. He pretended not to know who she was talking about by looking to either side of himself with a surprised expression.
“C’mon, the night is still young!” Craig said with a smile on his face.
“It’s ten o’clock,” Sean said as he looked at his watch.
“Exactly! It’s not late until at least two! Learn to live a little, people!”
“Don’t we have a bio test to study for?” Richard asked Jacky.
“Why’re you asking me? I don’t study.”
“Either way,” Craig said as he slipped his hands into his jean pockets, “You guys need to have more fun! That spoiled-kids’ private school is way too tight-assed for it’s students to survive in the city for very long. There’s something goin’ on tonight that you guys need to see.”
“A gang war?” Jacky said.
“A knife fight?” Richard said.
“A meth lab?” Sean said.
Craig grimaced and said, “Okay, should I be ashamed that I’ve given you such a bad view of the city or something? You guys think too much. Nothing to worry about. It’s just a perfectly innocent little thing that goes on downtown every Friday. No smoking, drinking, fighting, sex, or anything like that… Okay, well, no promise on the fighting part, but no drinking or drugs, ‘kay?”
Everyone except Amelia smiled at the idea.
“I think that we do have a test coming up.” Amelia said as she began to walk down the sidewalk in the general direction of home. “I haven’t studied, and my dad’ll kill me if I fail it, so I’ll be seeing you guys later.” She waved to them as a goodbye, but her hand was suddenly grasped by Craig. He covered a surprising distance in just a few steps to get to her. Her surprise equated to a small “eep,” but the sound of the rain covered it up.
“Okay, are you stupid or something?”
“What?” Amelia yelled angrily as she wrenched her arm away from him. “What the hell is it now?”
“First of all, I want my coat back. Second, you’ll most likely get raped or something if you go home in that direction by yourself. The neighborhood isn‘t too friendly that way.”
Amelia’s eyes widened at the thought, and found herself reminiscing about the night Nathan left her at the hotel.
“Yeah, so why don’t you just come over to this little event for a bit and have some fun?”
The others turned towards Amelia, awaiting her answer.
She shuffled her feet on the asphalt and looked down at the ground before saying, “Okay, fine. I’ll come, but I‘ll be leaving before twelve, even if it‘s by myself.”
“Huzzah!” the other three yelled.
Craig held out his hand to Amelia, “Shall we?”
She looked strangely at his hand, and walked past him without taking it. “So, where is this place?”
“Okay, that hurt.”
“That’s the point.”
Craig laughed a little before turning towards Amelia’s friends. “By the way, they won’t let you through if you’re wearing those raincoats.”
Craig and Amelia:
As the group made their way downtown, Amelia asked, “So, if this is a party, then how is it that there’s no drugs or drinking?”
“Oh yeah, we’re not like you rich people,” Craig said, an intended jab to all of them, “We don’t have enough money for that kind of crap. None of my acquaintances drink or do drugs.”
“Then what do you call smoking?”
He glanced at the cigarette still in his mouth, “I call it an attractive addition to my exterior appearance.”
Amelia laughed, “’Attractive?’ Hardly.”
“Well, then, what do you find attractive?”
“A tall, generally well-built guy with a hansom face who doesn’t smoke.”
“’s that so?” He smiled as he finished off the cigarette and tossed the butt into a puddle. “Can I have my coat back now?”
“No.”
Jacky whispered to Sean, “Did she just describe Craig?”
Sean whispered back, “Pretty much.”
Just as the group made a turn down Tune Street, they saw dozens of electric lights light up the dead-end area of the street, which hung from several wires that were strung over the street between buildings and illuminated every individual raindrop with yellow lighting.
Craig raised his head from his usual stare at the asphalt and looked ahead. “We’re here, folks.”
The deep bass of some rock music could easily be heard over the rain, and a huge crowd of people laid in front of a stage with a band playing.
“Welcome to Friday Night Music,” He declared with a slightly more epic voice than usual. The five walked up to the short fence that blocked off the area from the rest of the street, with a small gap in the fence and two bouncers at the entrance. The two were only a few years older than the lot of them. Despite the intimidating look that both latino bouncers had, Craig walked right up to them at the front of the pack.
“Sup, Jose?” Craig said, casually knuckling one of the bouncers.
“What’s crackin’, Craig?” Jose said with a smile and a thick latino accent. He was stout, wore a gangsta look, and had a nearly-bald scalp. Above his upper lip was a short moustache.
“Just bringing these guys to their first Friday Night Music.” He pointed his thumb at the other four behind him.
Jose looked over them and said, “Take off the coats an’ you can come in.”
There was another groan from the three raincoat-wearers, who immediately began to take them off.
“Why do we have to take them off, anyway?” Jacky complained.
Jose looked at them with a strange expression, “Craig, are these guys rain-haters?”
“Hard to say, really,” Craig said, “It looks like they’re wising up, but still generally rain-haters.”
Jose stole a glance in Amelia’s direction, and noticed that she was wearing Craig’s trench coat. He looked over at Craig and said, “Hey, man, you got a girlfriend now, huh?”
Craig and Amelia looked at him with taken aback looks, while Amelia’s friends tried their best to hold in their laughter.
“You’re on crack, Jose,” Craig said flatly.
Jose laughed loudly as he took the other three‘s coats, “Fine, man. Go in already, ya stupid ass.”
“Gladly.”
They walked towards the crowd, getting pushed and shoved against and getting rained on all the while. Amelia stuck close to Craig, who was always at the front, and she only then noticed the multitude of people hanging out on the fire escapes on the buildings to either side of the street.
“Where are we going?” She yelled as she grabbed a hold of the sleeve of Craig’s t-shirt to better her navigation.
“To the front! You get the best effect up there!” Craig snatched her wrist and hauled her through the crowd with him. Her friends had some trouble keeping up in the rain, but found them at the front of the crowd. The band was playing a loud punk rock song, which was surprisingly catchy, to Amelia. Every time the lead guitarist and vocalist swung his head, small torrents of water flew from the tips of his hair and added to the rain on everyone at the front.
“What’s the band’s name?” She yelled over the noise to Craig as she wiped some rain off of her face and pushed a lock of saturated hair behind her ear.
“They don’t have a name, so we all call them The No-Names!”
Amelia tapped her foot and nodded her head in unison with the music that was being played, even though she didn‘t like the song too much. Everyone else around her was dancing as best they could in the cluster of bodies, but the four newcomers who just arrived stuck out like sore thumbs. Even Craig was shouting out and thrusting his fist into the air.
“So what do we do now?”
“Just have fun, you idiot!”
“It’s kind of hard to have fun when I don’t like the music?”
The song ended, and the crowd roared, urging them to play another song.
The head vocalist said into the mic, “This next song was in part inspired by all of the fun little fights that go on all around the city, so let’s hope that we don’t stir up any bad memories!” His joke received some soft laughter from the audience along with a smirk from Craig. “The other part, oddly enough, was inspired by my girlfriend.” Several ‘Aws’ and whistles could be heard from throughout the crowd before they started playing again.
To Amelia’s surprise, the song started out just the way she liked it: with some soft solo guitar-playing, and then heavy drums that brought in the vocals. She did more than tap her foot and nod her head. She actually began to raise her arms and cheer for the band.
It was less than three songs later before Amelia, Sean, Richard, and Jacky all began to dance like everyone else at Friday Night Music. They reveled in their fun as the rain drenched them and everyone else around them. Craig’s trench coat, which Amelia was still wearing, swung around with every movement as if it were a dress, releasing dozens of streams of rain. Over time, Sean and Jacky began freak dancing with no organized pattern of movement, and Richard was off somewhere on the sidelines flirting with some girls. Craig merely smiled, and did his own kind of dance with his hands tucked away snuggly in his pockets.
After some time of dancing, singing along, and getting pushed around by the rest of the dancing crowd, Amelia had to got over to the bottom ladder of a broken fire escape to take a breather. By that time, even a different band had gotten on the stage.
Craig walked casually over to her and said with a small laugh, “You alright?”
Between pants, Amelia said, “Yeah, I-I’m fine.”
Seeing her short of breath, Craig looked up at the rainy sky and said, “If you just keep your mouth open, the rain should give you enough of a drink to keep going, if you want to.”
She opened her mouth after an ample amount of time to thing it over, and said, “I’ll see you back out there in about ten minutes.” Even though Amelia wanted to keep partying, she was wrought with fatigue. Even P.E. class wasn’t as tiring at Friday Night Music. It wasn’t a “running a mile” tired, either, it was more of a sleepy tired.
A sudden thought of home came into her mind. “Shit,” she whispered to herself with shock and wide eyes as she fished into her pocket for her cell phone. The clock said 1:47 AM. “Shit!” Despite her exhaustion, she leapt from the bottom rung of the ladder and scampered around for Craig and her friends.
Still dancing in the horde of bodies, Craig ended up having Amelia’s head slam right into his backbone from behind. He staggered forward with a grunt of pain, holding the spot that hit. “The hell was that for?”
Panting, Amelia said bent down with her hands on her knees, “I have to get home. Now!” She grabbed his wrist and lugged him through the crowd in search of the rest of their group. Once everyone had been effectively ripped out of the party area, they went straight for the entrance and picked up their raincoats.
“Didn’t you set an alarm or something, Amelia?” Jacky screamed as the group ran hastily down the sidewalk.
Craig tried to say, “Hey, you guys shouldn’t--”
“How was I supposed to know that time could fly by so fast?” Amelia shouted as they turned a corner, the trench coat trailing behind her in the wind that she created.
“It was a party, what’d you expect?” Richard said.
“People, I’m serious, you can’t--” Craig tried a second time.
“I never go to parties, though!” Amelia cried.
“Guys! It’s a bad idea to run in the rain like this!”
“Why, huh? We’re in a damn hurry, here!”
“You could slip if you’re not used to it! Now slow the hell down!”
“I’m fine! I don’t need you to--”
The slick gravel slipped out from underneath Amelia’s shoes with a splash, her legs swinging in front of her, and her head flying back. She was parallel with the ground, and heading for it quickly. In that instant, when all she could see was cement, only one thought crossed her mind. Damn it…
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A/N: Yeah, leaving you guys with a cliffhanger, just in case. I've had the idea of Friday Night Music in my head for awhile, and my hometown even has something like it. In fact, the real thing inspired me to write this scene. That, and the thought of Amelia royally screwing up twice in two minutes seemed like a good idea.
Oh, and I've also put up two more drawings in the artwork thread for Rain. You can find it here if you have the time.
viewtopic.php?t=18400&highlight=
EDIT: You know the part about the biology test the next day? I just realized that the current time is on a Friday... so there's no school the next day... so, yeah, I editted it, in case anybody caught that.
Thanks for the comments!
I'll post the next chapter as soon as I can, but it may take awhile. I just got Disgaea 2: Cursed Memories for PS2. That, and I now have a job, so I'm working during the day and playing Disgaea at night... If I had a publisher, he/she would kill me, but I don't have one, so I can goof off however much I want. I'm on vacation.
What I have been doing is brainstorming on where the story will go next, so I'm not completely disregarding the story. So, see ya when I see ya. =3
Okay, so earlier I read chapters one and two, and them had this really nice critique for them, but then I lost it...stupid faulty internet. Anyways, so I can't seem to find the mistakes I found earlier, sorry.
I do remember though that I liked it. It had a slower start wich caught up with itself near the end. Though Amelia bugs me for some reason =D
Hehe, anyways, so I have stupid summer assignments to do...glares...hehe. I'll come back for three and four probably later today!
Good job! Keep up the good work!
-JC
*just realized that she read forever ago and never commented*
Omgsh! they've met up again! finally! Yayness!
**sits and waits foe the next part. (Hopefully not as long as last time! *glare*)**
Yay! Loved the "field day." It was really cute, and Craig and Amelia just HAVE to get together!
Chapter 6: We All Hate Football!
Amelia:
“Why’s everyone so psyched about tonight’s football game?” Amelia asked her friends as they trudged down the halls of St. Bernard’s with hopes of getting to the cafeteria before a line formed.
“Hell if I know,” Sean said as he stretched his arms above his head. “I had to reschedule the Karate Club’s martial arts tournament fundraiser from today to next week because so many members wanted to go to tonight’s game.”
“Ah, the woes of the Karate Club president, huh?” Jacky said as she held the cafeteria door open for the other two.
“No kidding. I had to submit a new announcement to the front office and change the dates on all the posters with a Sharpie.”
“But I thought that the guys in the club hated football?” Amelia asked as they got in line.
“Well, they have their own separate circles of friends that are pressuring them to go.”
“That explains why there’ve been less and less members going to practice lately. It’s fun to watch you guys beat the crap out of each other, but not when it’s only you and Richard who show up.”
“Then why don’t you and Jacky join?”
“Fat chance,” Amelia and Jacky said together.
Just as Amelia was about to grab a tray, someone reached over her head and snatched it away from her. The culprit said in a playful voice, “And what’s so wrong with me, huh?” Richard used his stolen tray to gather up some of the first food in the buffet-style line. He was a fairly tall senior student with a real baby face. His light brown hair was parted in the middle and went down at either side until it flipped up a little as the length got around his ears. The guy was usually found wearing oval glasses, but he always kept his contacts with him for after-school karate club.
“Oh, nothing’s wrong,” Amelia said with a fake smile, “I just hate it when you take my tray.” She reached and grabbed one for herself, and the other two followed her.
“You say that as if I do it all the time,” Richard seized the last pudding before Amelia could, even though she had gotten in front of him in line.
“Because you do.”
“Sorry, I just have really nimble fingers. I can’t control it sometimes.”
“You call that an excuse?” Jacky asked with a chuckle.
“You’re no good with excuses, are you? You can usually smooth-talk your way out of trouble with any other girl, but not with us.” Amelia said blatantly.
“Sad but true,” Sean added.
“You make me sound like I’m some kind of playboy,” Richard remarked with a fake sad face as they approached the cashier.
“Because you are!” The other three said in unison as they swiped there meal cards. They made their way to an empty table and sat down.
“By the way, Amelia,” Richard said as he unwrapped his burger.
“Uh-huh?” Amelia replied with her mouth already full of food.
Richard chuckled at her puffy cheeks before he said, “According to some of the guys in the club, word about your breakup with Nathan has spread amongst the, you know, beautiful people.”
Amelia swallowed her bite and said bluntly, “So? Let them gossip all they want. I couldn’t care less what the popular crowd thinks.”
“Ah, then you wouldn’t care about how Nathan said that you took him to a hotel, had sex with him, and left him?”
“What?” Amelia shouted as she slammed her hands on either side of her tray, causing her plate to shake violently. Since the cafeteria was already loud, no one paid any mind to her outburst.
“Yeah, people’re pretty much saying that you’re a whore.”
“Seriously, what the hell?” Jacky said with a depressed tone. “So everyone automatically listens to the popular kid instead of coming to ask her?”
“That’s pretty much how the world works, Jacky,” Sean said as he slouched in his seat. “A popular voice moves the public more than the truth. Kinda like a dictator.”
“Yeah, I could picture him as a dictator.” An image of Hitler with Nathan’s face flashed through her mind.
Richard simply nodded as he leaned his elbows in the table with his hands intertwined in front of his mouth. He glanced back to Amelia, whose face was red with indignation at that point. “In any case, you need to watch yourself, Amelia. It’s clear that Nathan and his little friends aren’t gonna play fair. Hell, the girls might smack you in the halls, and the guys might try to mug you for all we know. Just be a bit more careful than you have been about the upper-tier people, okay?”
“Okay…” She stirred her pudding around in it’s container with a spork before saying, “Let’s go to the football game tonight.” Everyone looked up at her in surprise.
Jacky swallowed a bite of food. “But I thought you hated--”
“I do,” Amelia interrupted, “but I need to yell at something stupid to get my mind off things.”
Craig:
“Hey, man,” Allen, who had a bloody lip and several rips in his clothing, said to Craig. They were sitting back-to-back in the middle of a crowd of unconscious, thoroughly-beaten local gang members. Various weapons ranging from baseball bats to knives were strewn about them as if the thugs were soldiers killed on a battlefield.
“Yeah?” Craig answered as he lit up a cigarette. One of the sleeves of his t-shirt was completely torn off from when he was grabbed by someone during of the fight, but he was otherwise fine. Both were soaked from the rain, but, as usual, neither minded much.
“I’m gettin’ tired o’ this shit.”
Craig stood up, his shoes scraping against the loose asphalt as he did so. “What’re you talking about?”
Allen did the same and took off his heavy sweatshirt and letting his dread locks spill out of their usual home in his hood. The layer underneath was a black t-shirt. “I’m just tired of havin’ to fight for these stupid territories. They don’t even belong ta us for God’s sake!”
Craig stared at his friend. “I thought you wanted to take care of all of the ‘racist bastards’ in this area?” He put emphasis on “racist bastards.”
“Damn, man! I don’t give a shit what those guys say anymore! One wrong move against them and those guys’ll pull some worse shit on us! Don’t you watch the news or read the newspaper? It happens all the fuckin’ time in this city!”
Craig sighed, a plume of smoke drifting out of his mouth and nostrils, “I don’t have a TV, and I don’t get the newspaper. You should know--you‘ve been to my place.”
“Then you should at least pay attention when some guy’s apartment building’s burnin’ down ‘cause of a goddamn hate-crime!”
“I don’t care what happens to anybody else but me or my friends, Allen.”
Allen grabbed a hold of his friend’s collar so forcibly that Craig’s cigarette fell out of his mouth, “Then start carin‘-- you won‘t notice it comin‘ our way if ya don‘t.”
Their conversation stopped right there. Nothing more needed to be said. Allen let go of his friend’s collar, and they walked away in different directions. Allen began to walk back to his parents’ apartment, and Craig went on another one of his aimless walks through the city. The rain continued to come down despite the already stormy conversation that took place.
Craig took another route through the city that time, going towards the outside of the city rather than the downtown area. To his delight, the rain continued even as he passed the edge of the sea of skyscrapers. Even more to his delight, the buildings that once blocked his view of the rain were gone. All that laid before him were suburbs and raindrops as far as the eye could see. Despite the bad feeling he got from leaving the downtown area, he continued to walk down the sidewalk. It wasn’t long before he noticed a couple spotlight beams swaying back and forth from off in the distance. He decided to go and see what all the excitement was about, since he was clearly bored out of his mind and had nothing better to do.
Luckily, the spotlights’ sources happened to be relatively close. It didn’t take ten minutes before he came across the back parking lot of a high school campus called St. Bernard, according to the huge wooden sign at the entrance. He could hear off in the distance the roar of a crowd and the booming voice of an announcer. Why am I going here in the first place? I hate schools. He thought to himself, but carried on nonetheless. He walked around the main building on a large patch of grass until he came across the backside of some tall bleachers with hundreds of raincoat-wearing, umbrella-using students on them. All of them were standing up and cheering for their respective team. Curious, Craig decided to take a look at the competitors, who received such attention from the other teenagers, and began to climb up the steel rafters of the bleachers. The rain made the odd-angled bars slippery and difficult to climb, but his experience with his home’s zip-line system made it much easier for him than if anyone else had tried it.
Amelia:
“What the hell was that?” Amelia shouted, standing up in anger as St. Bernard’s Bruins missed a pass that would have been a first-down. She hadn’t bothered to put on a raincoat or use an umbrella, unlike her friends, who all had both.
“Whoa, Amelia, calm down a bit, will ya?” Richard yelled loud enough to be heard over the crowd.
She turned towards the senior student, “This is exactly why I hate football players! They even suck their own freaking sport!”
“Then stop yelling! It’s already enough of a tragedy without them getting even angrier at you!” Jacky shouted at her friend with a playful smile, moving her umbrella so that she could see her.
Amelia let out a sigh and sat down on the soaked metal bench. “Fine, but only because you asked me to stop.”
“Of course.” Richard remarked.
“Uh, shouldn’t you at least wipe off your spot on the bleacher?” Sean said with a hint of panic as Amelia sat straight down on the wet steel.
She looked over at him and said blatantly, “I’m already soaked from head to toe, so how’ll a bit more water on my butt make much of a difference?”
The group sat on the bleachers silently as the game continued. The other team intercepted the ball and made a touch down, much to the their annoyance. Amelia managed to say a few words under her breath, but not much else, and decided to suggest that they leave in a few minutes. She slouched in her seat and let the rain fall on her more efficiently.
“Man, your team sucks,” an oddly familiar voice sounded from behind her.
Amelia sat straight up in shock, and twisted around to see Craig hanging onto the back railing of the bleachers, tottering over a thirty-foot drop to the cement below and wearing nothing but old blue jeans and a t-shirt with one sleeve torn off.
Craig and Amelia:
For an instant, much like the last time they met, their eyes locked. Again, they lost track of time as they gazed through the rain at each other. It could have been seconds, or it could have been minutes, but neither of them cared.
Craig broke off the stare, threw a smile at her and said, “Nice night, huh?”
Amelia snapped out of it and yelled, “Wh-what the hell are you doing here?”
He hauled himself up and squeezed in between the bars, plopping down on the bleacher next to her before saying, “I was bored, I saw the lights, I decided to come. Fancy meeting you here, though.”
She stared at him with confusion. Never had the idea of him coming to the game entered her mind.
“Amelia,” Jacky said, leaning over to see, “Who’s this?”
“Th-this is-- um, he’s--ah,” She was so bowled over that she couldn’t even find the words to explain to her friend.
Craig reached across Amelia with his right arm and shook Jacky’s hand, “The name’s Craig. You?”
“Oh! So you’re the Craig, huh? I’m Jacky, nice to meet you!”
“Likewise, but I don’t really know what you mean by that.”
“Ah, so this is the ‘Craig’ guy that we’ve heard so much about, huh?” Richard chimed, leaning over so that he could see past Jacky. “My name’s Richard.” He stretched his hand behind Jacky and Amelia so that he and Craig could shake hands.
“Sup.” Just as he was about to shake hands with Sean, he Craig felt a hand grip his arm and drag him out of his seat. “Hey! Lemme go! Hey!” Despite his protests, Amelia continued to tow him down the stair-like bleachers by the arm until they got to the bottom.
Sean pouted and said, “That’s not fair, she never gave me a chance to say hi to the guy.”
“Ah, let it go. They need a bit of time to themselves, it seems.” Jacky said as she adjusted her raincoat.
“Which is my cue to go and eavesdrop!” Richard said with a devious smile as he began to stand up from his seat.
“No!” Sean and Jacky yelled as both of them grabbed one shoulder and pulled him back down.
Back down on the ground, Amelia had dragged Craig off to the side of the bleachers where there was an overhang with a snack stand and a vending machine. She brought him behind the snack stand where nobody could hear their conversation.
“Would you let go now?” Craig asked. She did, and angrily pushed some wet hair out of her face.
“Why’re you here?”
“I told you before-- I was bored, I saw the lights, I walked.” He looked back over at the game, where the Bruins had just scored a touch down. The St. Bernard part of the audience roared so loudly that their ears began to ring. “Ah, finally your team’s wising up. What’s the score again?”
“Don’t change the subject!”
“Is it a habit of yours to be angry for no adequately explained reason? Why be angry at me for wandering around and ending up here?”
“I thought that I’d never see you again, you idiot.”
“So?” He just noticed that she was wrapped up in his dark brown, completely drenched trench coat. “Oh, can I have that back now? I’ve been missing it.”
It took a few seconds before Amelia realized what he was talking about. She grasped the coat and wrapped herself in it even more, putting on the face of a spoiled child. “When did I say I’d give it back?”
“Oh, for God’s sake, you can buy any old trench coat with your kind of money, can’t you? Just give the worthless thing back to the homeless guy, rich girl.”
She smiled a conniving little smile, “I thought you said you weren’t homeless?”
“By your standards, I may as well be. Now fork it over.”
“My standards let me actually wear this. Do you think I care?”
“Your standards are as low as hell.”
“So are yours.”
“Touché. Now give it.”
“No.”
“And if I say please?”
“Then I would say no.”
A long silence ensued between them, yet both wore entertained smirks.
“I’m about to go back to the city. Care to join me?”
“Can my friends come? We all hate football.”
“Sure.”
“I’ll go get them.”
“I’ll wait here.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
Amelia started for the bleachers to gather her friends, though with a bit of a skip in her step. From the edge of the bleachers, closer to Craig than Amelia‘s friends, a certain person watched Craig standing underneath the overhang. Despite the rain, the student made note of Craig’s face as he and the others left the football field. That person and several others stood up from their seats and made their way down the rain-soaked bleachers, following a fair distance behind the group preceding them.
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A/N: I had a field day with the last string of dialogue between Craig and Amelia in that last part. It's just so much fun to write through the interactions between them. I hardly even had to edit that part. Not to mention that, for the first time, there's a "Craig and Amelia" subtitle! Huzzahs all around! There are still some parts that I'm not happy with, though, such as how Craig ended up at St. Bernard at night.
On a separate note, a poem in my signature is by the creator of the anime/manga "Bleach" from the beginning of volume three. It just fit so well that I put it in my signature, and plan to put it on a separate page before the first chapter of "Rain" if it ever gets published. Anyway, see you guys next chapter!
I have to say, I think your dialogue is amazing. I can easily hear everything your characters say.
One thing I thought was strange was the Ms. Sal and Amelia's conversation. It was a little unrealistic.
Still, I adore your writing, and I look forward to more.
Ok, this chapter does need a bit of work. You're right about that, but, you are wrong that its too much info all at once. i think the pace you have set is very good. You just need to clean it up a bit now. I think you should just read through a couple times, after that it should be perfect!
Don't worry so much, it was good.
Cant wait for more!
(I apologize for the long wait. I was on a trip with my family the week before last week, and my dad shut off my internet for the week after. I managed to type another two chapters after this one, so you could say that I'm ahead of the game right now, but this chapter still makes me feel very uneasy... you'll see why once you read it...)
Chapter 5: Wednesday, Self Portrayed
Craig:
“What the hell, Craig?” Allen yelled in confusion, “You gave your trench to some random bitch?” He was a black teenager who was around Craig’s age, also a high school drop-out, and wore a thick sweatshirt with the hood up. If he took the hood off, shoulder-length dread locks would spill out like a weeping willow. Though he was of fairly small build, he looked bigger than he was because of his sweatshirt and baggy pants. Even though Craig abhorred anyone wearing the ’gangster’ look, Allen seemed to be the one exception. He and Craig were standing in an alleyway out in the rain near Allen’s apartment building.
“Yeah, so?” Craig said as he lit another cigarette and blew a few puffs before placing it between his lips. “Her boyfriend left her there, and I felt a bit nicer than I usually do.”
“’Nice?’ Didn’t know you had any ‘nice’ in you.”
“Details, details.” He took the cigarette out of his mouth and blew out some more smoke. He then looked down the alley. “So, are those assholes down there somewhere?”
“Yeah. They chased me out last week, and said that they didn’t want no black guy on their turf.”
Craig’s hand twitched at the sound of the racist comment, dropping his half-finished tobacco stick into a puddle of rainwater. If there was one thing that Craig hated the most, it was racism, especially when it pertained to Allen or any other black person he know. “Those damned bastards.” His hands formed into fists and tromped down the path and turned the corner.
“Craig, don’t tray to take these racist bastards by yourself. I’ll do it.”
“That’ll make them correct, won’t it? If you attack them, that makes you worse than they are. I’ll fight them for you, you got that? Now, how many of them are there?” His face was contorted in sheer rage, and a blood vessel was easily visible on his forehead. He was struggling to keep his anger under control, as if he were trying to keep the Hoover Dam from breaking.
“’Bout six of ‘em.”
Craig walked next to a dumpster, and sifted through the top layer of garbage until he fished out a steel pipe. “Easy picking. Wait here. If you have any part of the fight, they’ll blame you for it even if you don’t throw a punch.” He slammed the pipe on the edge of the dumpster, leaving a huge dent in it.
Amelia:
“I hate Wednesdays,” Jacky moaned as she sluggishly rested her head on her desk. It was just before homeroom, and barely half of the class was there yet. Sean was talking to a few of his other friends in the corner, the top button of his uniform undone as always.
“Not as much as I hate school in general,” Amelia countered her friend as she set her bag down on the desk beside Jacky’s.
“Hi. How did the sneaking-around go last night?”
“Pretty well. My dad woke up when I walked down the hall to my room.”
“How is that ‘pretty well?’”
“I just said that I went to get some water, and he just fell back asleep.”
“Oh, God. You’re dad’s an idiot!” Jacky stood up and stretched her arms and legs.
“Isn’t he, though?” She took a thin black notebook out of her bag before saying, “Oh, and I called Nathan last night, too.”
Jacky sat straight up in her seat, “Did you tell the bastard off?”
Amelia smiled slyly, “That little interrogation you guys gave me last night really helped me to get over him that fast. Looks like I never even liked him in the first place, I just thought that I did. On the phone, I acted all hurt and fragile. He kept on apologizing and everything, but I ended with an efficient coup de grace by saying,” She made a sad face, with her hand playing the role of the phone, “’I can’t believe that you would hurt me like that, Nathan! Goodbye!’ Click.” She hung up her hand on the desk.
“Nice. Knuckle me.”
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The school day at St. Bernard’s had three periods a day, two hours per period with five minutes between classes and a twenty minute break after the first period of the day, starting at eleven and ending the day at five thirty. Students have six periods, but the particular periods taught depend on the day. For Mondays and Wednesdays, first through third. For Tuesdays and Thursdays, fourth through sixth. Amelia’s sixth period class was AP Art class, one of the only classes that she actually liked.
Amelia was putting her supplies away when her teacher, Mrs. Salinger, her full name being Janette Salinger, came up to her and said, “Amelia, can I talk to you later? After class?” She was a somewhat short middle aged hispanic woman with short brown hair with highlights in them. The art teacher always wore a Wal-Mart apron instead of the school-issue one. Everyone looked up to her, and she always had a great story to tell at least once every class period, with all of the students listening to her instead of doing their artwork. Her popularity has caused most everyone in the student body who knew her to call her Ms. Sal.
“Okay,” she said, and stood up to put her pencils in the drawer in the wall labeled with her name. The art room’s walls were strewn with sketches and paintings done by students. Several of Amelia’s artwork were hung up there. One of her first paintings was of a pasture of tall grass that stretched off towards the horizon, with one wind-blown tree in the foreground. It was her first-ever “masterpiece.” When she finished putting everything away, she sat at her desk until the bell rang for everyone to leave the room in a neat stream out the door. In a minute, she and Ms. Sal were the only ones left in the classroom.
“So…” Amelia said nervously. “What’d you want to talk to me about?” It wasn’t usually Ms. Sal who initiated their conversations, so it was rather odd that she did.
Ms. Sal walked over to a table in the corner of the room, which had several frameless paintings spread out over it. She picked up two of them and went over to Amelia’s desk. “I’m wondering about your last complete painting and your current work-in-progress.” She brandished them in front of Amelia. The first was from last month, which was of two people holding hands, but only the hands were shown. One was a man, the other a woman, both with generic features of male and female hands. The background beyond the hands was in the city, so the two people were walking down a sidewalk. The colors were generally dark, and had rain in the background along with the cityscape and sidewalk.
“I remember that one.” She grimaced at the fact that Nathan’s influence caused her to paint it.
“What caught my eye is this pre-painting sketch that you did today.” Ms. Sal placed the large sheet atop the painting. It showed a full view of a sidewalk from the street with numerous people walking on it in the rain. Every person in the sketch had an umbrella, except for one girl in the center of the paper, who looked as if she were basking in the rain.
“Yeah, what’s wrong with it?” Amelia asked, clearly confused.
Ms. Sal pulled up a chair and sat down in it. “Do you remember the conversation you students and I had about art at the beginning of the year? The one about art being about self-reflection?”
“Uh-huh. Why?”
She picked up the old painting and said, “If you look at this, none of the rain is touching either of the hands, and the rain is only in the background. If the background weren’t there, you wouldn’t even know it’s raining.” Ms. Sal swapped to the sketch. “Now this is what kind of surprised me. The girl is alone now, for one thing, and it looks like she’s actually liking the rain in this. It’s completely different from your other one.”
It took awhile for Amelia to answer. “Okay, so they’re different. What’s the problem?”
Ms. Sal laughed, “There’s no ‘problem,’ per se. I’m just trying to say that you’re changing. Changing your life situation, your opinions on things, etcetera, etcetera. I‘m just notifying you that your life may start to change pretty soon.”
“Well, I did just break up with Nathan last night over the phone.” Ms. Sal nodded her head, listening intently. “And I guess that I’m starting to learn to deal with the rain now, but… These things aren’t too big of a deal. It’s just logical reasoning. Nathan turned out to be an ass, so I broke up with him. And I’m more used to the rain because…” She trailed off without finishing her sentence.
“Can’t think of a reason?” Ms. Sal asked as she picked up the drawings and took them back to the table in the back.
“Well… I think that it may be because I talked with someone who lives in the city. Since I live in the suburbs, away from the skyscrapers where it rains a lot less, I guess that I learned about his point of view.”
“Ah, that’s good. Learning other peoples’ points of view is something that this world can be better about.”
“Yeah, I guess so,” Amelia looked up at the clock on the wall and said, “It’s been awhile, so can I go now?”
“Go ahead.”
“Okay. Bye, Ms. Sal! See you on Thursday!” She grabbed her book bag and ran out of the classroom.
Ms. Sal waved goodbye, walked over to her desk, and sat in her chair. “Ah, to be young again…” She spun around on her chair with a smirk on her face.
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(God, does this chapter suck. The descriptions are out-of-place, they're bland, and make me flinch when I reread them. I knew that I wanted to add all of the details of their lives in throughout the story, but I ended up cramming a crap load of infodumping into this chapter. Sure, the insight was given, I just could've done it with a bit more grace... I'll go back and edit this when I get my next block.)
er... there is nothing to critique(not that i see anyway).
all i can say is i want more!
lol
*siits and waits*
~Tina
Sorry for the wait. I had to get over a writer's block mid-chapter, but I'm over it now! Here it is!
Chapter 4: Back in the Rain
Craig:
“Just when I thought I could make peace with the sun…” Craig said as he laid down in a hammock that Cassandra had set up on the roof. It was strung between two chimneys that jutted out of the slanted rooftop, and only those not afraid of heights dared to take a nap on the yellow-colored hammock. He tried hard to like the sun, going so far as to try to take off everything but his boxers to get a tan from the newly-unveiled ball of fire. Or rather, Cassandra made him want to do it. To his dismay, however, his shoulders were sunburned. “But no, it had to go and burn me. Thanks a lot, sun. Really appreciate it.”
“You’re a real white boy, Craig,” Cassandra’s voice sounded from the trap door off to the side of the roof.
Craig threw a detestable look her way. “Not like I can help it-- OW!” She had flicked his shoulder as she walked by, causing him to toss and turn in pain on the hammock.
“Time to get back inside. It’s my turn.”
“You don’t have to flick me!”
“Details, details, now get out!” She flipped the hammock and made him fall onto the metal roof with a terrible thud. “Mommy wants some time to herself right now.” She brandished a pair of thick sunglasses from the collar of her low-cut sweater and casually laid herself down in the hammock.
After writhing on the rooftop for a few minutes from the pain of hitting his shoulder on the metal, Craig stood up and made his way to the trap door. “And you wonder why I don’t come home some nights!”
“Oh, for God’s sake, if you can’t take a little teasing, you’ll never make it in life.”
“Like you’re one to talk about ‘making it in life.’”
“Touché.”
Craig climbed down the rope ladder into the main part of the building. “Dad, I’m going out!” He called into the bowels of the top three floors. Even though there was hardly an “Okay” on his father’s part, Craig continued through the rope-work into his room to retrieve his clothes. Just as he approached the coat rack that was placed in the back corner of his room, he finally remembered something: He gave his coat to that girl he met last night. “Oh, God, I can’t believe that I actually gave it to her,” He said to himself as he palmed his face.
“You really shouldn’t talk to yourself. People will think you‘re crazy.” Victor sounded from above. The sudden voice made Craig jump, but he just stared up through the ceiling with a glare.
“Shut up, Dad, you do it all the time.” He began to trudge towards the trap door on the floor that led to the stairway when his father said:
“So, who’s this girl you gave your favorite trench coat to, huh?”
Craig stopped in his tracks. “No-one. She was in a bit of a bind last night while it was still raining, so I lent it to her.”
“To someone you’re almost sure to never see again?”
“Yeah, so? Maybe I just felt a little charitable last night?”
Victor snorted from trying to keep a laugh in, and received another glare from his son that seemed to pierce the very material that separated them. He sighed, “Ah, never mind. Carry on.”
“I was planning to. See ya.”
Amelia:
Whatever ninja skills she possessed had helped her to sneak out of the house without her father knowing. The sun had set on the city about an hour before, and Amelia went to Old Jay’s, a diner that she frequented, to meet with her friends. Amelia found a seat in a booth in the far corner of the rundown place, since her group always sat there. She could only hope to God that Nathan didn’t come. He was at school that day, but it was just sheer dumb luck that they didn’t see each other. She didn’t even know why she agreed to come back to the city to see everyone, and her mind was still recovering from what had happened the night before. Because it’s been awhile, that’s why! She told herself, but she needed a bit more convincing than that. Where’s someone to kick me in the ass when I need it?
“There she is!” A guy yelled from near the entrance of the diner. Amelia looked up to see several of her friends come towards her location, including Jacky and Sean, who was the one who spotted her. Nathan wasn’t among them. Sean was rather short and scrawny, but he actually has gotten in more fights than anyone else in the school. He had a record of fifteen wins and one loss, but he never told anyone who it was he lost to. His long and stringy brown hair was tied back into a ponytail
“Hey, everyone,” She said feebly with her hand slightly raised in a wave.
Every one sat down and began chatting and ordering food. Amelia didn’t feel like including herself in the conversation, so she just sat where she was and laughed at the right moments. At some point Sean went over to the old jukebox and started playing “Zoot Suit Riot.” He absolutely loved music like jazz and swing.
Just as she began to get a feeling of normalcy, Sean asked her, “Where’d you get this dirty jacket?”
Amelia looked down at the coat that she was wearing with surprise. She had no idea that she was wearing that guy’s trench coat. “What the…? I forgot that I put this on for tonight…”
Jacky added, “Well, you should throw it away or something-- it’s torn at the bottom and has stains all over it. I think that burning would be the best strategy, actually. Anyway, where‘d you get it?”
For awhile, Amelia didn’t say anything. She just reveled in the fact that the coat made her feel unexpectedly warm. It didn’t seem dirty or tattered to her, it just made her feel more at home than anywhere else. “I got it… from someone I met here in the city.”
“Who, some hobo?” One of her friends sounded from the other side of the table.
The rest of the group laughed, including Amelia. It was the first real laugh she had all evening.
“I guess that you could say that, but he does have an apartment somewhere in the city, so he’s technically not a hobo.”
“So you actually talked with the guy?”
“Yeah.”
Jacky pestered her friend with question after question, all of which Amelia answered with a matter-of-fact tone. Over the course of the interrogation, Amelia told them all that happened the night before. Everyone seemed to be on her side, which she was very relieved to find out. Nathan had only entered their group because he asked her out. None of her friends actually liked him in the first place, since he was one of the more popular students in the school.
“What, so nothing actually happened between you and that ‘Craig‘ guy?” Jacky asked persistently.
“Well, I was pretty confused last night, thinking that I was technically still Nathan’s girlfriend, so no. Nothing happened.” Amelia buttoned the trench coat, as if it would protect her from her friends’ questions.
There was a roar of disappointment all around the table.
“You coulda rubbed it in that bastard Nathan’s face if you did that guy!” Sean remarked rather loudly, to Amelia’s embarrassment.
“That’d have been so wrong! Jeez!” Amelia stated with her cheeks slightly flushed at the thought. “It’s my policy not to get together with someone else until two weeks after a breakup.”
“Oh, come on!” Jacky yelled, “Nathan has no such policy! I’ll bet that he’ll be going out with some whore by the end of tomorrow!”
“Yeah. If Nathan weren’t such an asshole, then he’d go by the same rules as our little Amelia.” Sean added.
Amelia rested her head atop the table, using her arms as a pillow. “Stop it, will you?” She whined playfully.
“Aw, but it’s so much fun to tease you!” Jacky and Sean said in perfect unison, which they tended to do often. The rest of the group roared with laughter.
Amelia thought back on how Craig teased her the night before and said with a smile, “I guess you’re right about that.”
After the group ordered and ate their food, they paid for said food and left Old Jay’s. As they started towards the exit of the diner, there was a startling flash of light outside. Following it a few seconds later was the sound of thunder.
“What the--?” Amelia exclaimed as she rushed out the door, her friends following quickly behind her. They looked up at the night sky to see the start of endless sheets of rain that came down on top of them just as they faced upwards. Jacky yelped in lighthearted surprise, as did everyone else, accept for Amelia. They all rushed to take their umbrellas out to keep themselves dry. Amelia simply continued to stare up at the clouds as if hypnotized.
“Amelia! Get out your umbrella or that trench coat’ll get soaked!” Sean yelled as the rest of the group began to walk off. She remained still, her eyes transfixed onto the heavens. “Amelia?”
She smiled towards the rainy black clouds and said, “I’m fine, Sean,” she turned towards her friends. “The rain really suits this place better than the sun. I may as well get used to getting drenched if I‘ll be coming here so often, right?”
Her friends stared at her with confused expressions. After awhile of staring at each other without a word, they simply smiled and started on their way home. Amelia remained the only one not using an umbrella, but was actually the happiest one there.
Craig:
Craig sat on the roof of his home with his back against a stone chimney wall. His hair was comfortably matted against his scalp, his clothes saturated with rain, a lit cigarette in his mouth, and a wide smile on his face. As another bolt of lightning flashed across the roof of clouds, he said to himself, "About damn time, too..."
((This is just a kind of filler chapter until the next chain of events begins. I hope that you enjoyed the introduction of Sean! He's a pretty good guy, so don't judge him too harshly. ^^; Please give me some good critiques!))
Wow. Thanks! that's the best comment I've ever gotten on any of my writing. *bows in thanks*
[The rain seemed to come down as if to poke fun at the people who loved the sunlight. It came down from dawn to dusk without stopping. Craig had always liked the rain, so he never wore a waterproof jacket or kept an umbrella with him. He tended to enjoy the pitter-patter feeling of water droplets on his face, so he simply never bothered with covering himself up on the frequent rainy days. In fact, he preferred the rain over a sunny day every time. All he did throughout those gloomy days in the city were talking with his friends on the streets, maintaining his little "gang's" territory, and taking walks in the rain with his clothes saturated with the chillingly cold gift from the clouds. In a way, he, too, poked fun at the sun-loving people in the dark and disgusting city he lived in.] this is the best character introduction i have EVER SEEN NO JOKE!!!) OMG your on your way man, your on your way!!!!!
Hey Jon! I really liked this. Cant wait till you put up more.
So ah... when will that be exactly???
Once again, Myth, thank you for tearing this chapter to shreds. =3
Green = Comment/Correction
Blue = Suggestion
Black = Review
*
Uh – I don’t really see the point of the ellipses in there, you should just take them out.
This gets a little, “This didn’t, that hadn’t,” you could put it in other words, rephrasing, and maybe you could say where he lived—you don’t have to—but saying ‘ten years that he lived there’ doesn’t give it a real impression of a real place.
I think you meant ‘hazy’ rather than ‘lazy’?
Typo: ‘where’ = wear
^^^ See quote
Never, ever include these in writing: sort of, kind of, some, somehow, unless it is in dialogue. I mean, here, it seems as if you got suspended or she might not have, ‘kind of’ shows you’re not too sure. And, you can’t ‘kind of’ get suspended, you either do or you don’t.
‘nor’ = no
*
I found one of the hateful question-exclamation marks in there somewhere.
One of the parts that I found confusing was Craig’s house, I didn’t know whether they were the only occupants of the buildings and can’t really grip what it looks like. I think you described, but it was a little hard to try and imagine the place. Is there somewhere you could compare it to?
I think his father was a clichéd character, an inventor who hasn’t mastered his skill and leaves stuff broken. Why don’t you at least give him something to do when he isn’t inventing or make one or two of his products saleable?
The parts where you went on about other peoples apartments was like info dump, the reader doesn’t really see any of this so perhaps getting Craig to compare his home with one of his friends’ would do the trick?
-- Myth
Chapter 3: Traction
Craig:
It had been so long since Craig had seen the sun. So long, in fact, that he'd forgotten the color of sunlight. There were so few clouds out that day that he felt a little annoyed with it all. It only stopped raining at night, the daytime being occupied with cloudy or stormy weather. Never before in the ten years that he lived there did he see the sun. His footing on the sun-dried cement was unfamiliar at best. The new frizziness of his hair annoyed him to no end, as well. A little voice in his head told him to take a bath when he got home, and he agreed without a second thought.
The part of the city in which he lived in was around the edge of the slums. There, everyone was either a hobo, or struggling to get by in the dark, damp, filthy apartment buildings. Craig had been in one of his friends' apartments; the walls all had disgusting brown vertical stains on the walls from leaking rain, and the only light was from a single hanging light bulb in each room that had cast a hazy yellow glow on the stained walls with the pull of a string. Craig and his family hated that kind of thing, yet they could only afford so much. Therefore, the way they lived was much different from any other family in that city. Their home resided on the top floor of an abandoned thirty-story-tall building, so he had to walk up an endless flight of stairs to get to it.
"I'm home," Craig yelled into the open door as he approached it. The door was usually left wide open, since nobody ever bothered to come and look for things to steal on a floor that high up. Nobody else lived there, so not even the most adventurous thieves wanted to go inside, anyway. The inside of his home had a somewhat improvised roof, which was made of several large sheets of metal that were slanted and layered so the rain wouldn't leak through. All of the makeshift walls were made of either cardboard or giant wedges of wood, and they all had one form or another of logos, stickers, reminders, calendars, and several other nuisances. The floor was merely the old framework of the building, and since a couple floors had caved in by the time they moved in, only the horizontal steel framework served as decent flooring. They had latters and zip-line type things so that they could get to different places of the building.
It was cramped in the many small makeshift rooms, and what made it even more crowded were the dozens of different little gadgets and gizmos that his father always seemed to find time to make. Sure, they worked in getting from one place to another, but most of them were pretty much worthless. One of his latest inventions was a spring-loaded drawer that opened and closed automatically with the push of a button. Craig never used the top-left drawer of his dresser ever again. His father only kept them to remember his mistakes in invention, despite Craig's mother shouting at him all the time about it.
When Craig shouted out his greeting, there was the familiar sound of a rope sliding through a metal pulley system. "Where the hell were you last night?" His mother, Cassandra, yelled from above. She landed gracefully on a support beam to his left. Cassandra looked as if she were too young to have a son of seventeen, though she was in fact thirty five. Just old enough. She sported long brown hair pulled back into a bun so that it didn't get caught in any of the pulleys, and wore a black t-shirt and tight blue jeans. There hadn’t ever been a chance for her to wear such warm-weather clothes since they built the place, but since the sun was out for once, she made an exception.
"Nice to see you, too," he said, and started to walk down the broken framework towards his room.
Cassandra let out a sigh, and began to follow him in midair along a zip-line, "Your father and I were worried about you. Why didn't you come home last night?"
"I didn't feel too welcome here after that little skirmish we had yesterday."
"That's your excuse?" She palmed her face in annoyance. "But we always yell at each other." Her foot found a solid hold on the steel support in front of her son, "How was yesterday so different?"
He sidled past her, and hopped down a gap between two thick horizontal steel beams into his room. Once inside, he pulled on a rope that plugged up the hole with a circular slab of wood as if it were a cork being put back into a wine bottle. Cassandra let out a sigh, and was about to say something when she was cut off.
"Don't worry about him, Cassy," the voice of a man sounded from the floor above. She looked at the damaged roof ceiling above her to see a tiny submarine-scope-like thing sticking down through a small hole. "But I think that we should take away some of his savings. We don't want him wasting it all on hotels whenever he doesn't come home at night instead of going out to buy food. I mean, that's just stupid."
"I heard that!" Craig yelled from below.
"Yeah, you're right. The hard part is getting him to fork it over." She flipped a small switch on the wall, and a cardboard flap opened up in the ceiling, as well as a ladder that slid down against the wall. Cassandra climbed up the new pathway, and into the room her husband was in. "So, what are you working on now, Victor?"
The man looked up at her, wearing round black goggles and an oil-stained white tank top, and said, "Just something that could help to fix that generator. It hasn't been recharging as much from the waterwheel lately, so I looked into it, and one of the gears causes it to turn too slow. This new gear should fix that." He wiped his sweaty brow, which also brushed his short, stringy black hair aside.
Cassandra looked over her husband's shoulder to see that he was shaping a round hunk of metal into a new gear. "Well, just try not to have the wheel fall off like it did last time."
"Hey. That was your fault." Victor pointed one of his tools at her.
"Like hell it was," Cassandra said casually, and pushed aside a round piece of wood on the wall, which revealed a chute wide enough for a person to go through. She went in feet-first like a slide, and ended up in the so-called “Master Bedroom” where she decided to take a nap in the spot of sunlight that came through the window.
Amelia:
Even though Amelia got home around four in the morning, she donned her Hello Kitty pajamas and managed to sleep a few hours. She woke up at ten in the morning. Amelia walked down the dark-carpeted stairs of her home and ended up in the entryway of the house with a drowsy look in her eyes. The white walls that seemed to come at her from every direction had always made her feel both at-home and unwelcome in a way. Her home life was full of bright, vibrant colors and an elegant quiet air, while her social life in the city was surrounded by rain clouds, dark steel buildings, and outrageous din that was enough to make her ears hurt. The rain was never quite her cup of tea, though. She could do without that. Her home was on the outskirts of the city, and she went to a private school, which was even further away from it. It was usually very frustrating for her, since most of her social life went on within the city’s walls of rain. But what’s a seventeen-year-old girl to do? Run away with the car her father just bought for her?
Upon seeing her father, Bernard, sitting at the dinner table with the newspaper, her heart sank deep into her stomach. Despite the memory of the fight they had the night before, she sat down in the chair opposite the bald-headed businessman. He already had put on his suit, and, like the master of clichés, had a sip of steaming-hot coffee before lowering his newspaper and staring at Amelia with seriousness in his eyes. Though he wasn’t really a man of strong build, he really looked serious.
"Good morning, dad," Amelia whispered, her eyes trailing away from his.
He stared at her with his hands folded on the table, and finally said, "I know that you hate these talks that parents have with their children... but I want you to listen to me right now as an--"
"'Intelligent individual.'" Amelia finished with annoyance, "Ugh, you've said that so many times that I can recite every word you're going to say."
Bernard looked straight at her with the slightest bit of anger in his eyes. He calmly folded his newspaper, and stood up with it under his arm. "Then you must know that you're grounded for a month."
Amelia slammed her hands on the table and shouted, "What?!" Her voice cracked a little at the peak of the word, and the anger in her eyes could put Cujo to shame.
Bernard stood up from his chair and picked up his briefcase. “You need to get to school. Your classes start at eleven.” He marched towards the garage, where his black Volvo was parked. Amelia’s car, a red New Bug convertible, was parked right next to it. Both cars took up little space compared to the rest of the crap in there. Everything and the kitchen sink, literally, was thrown in there when it stopped working. So the story went after Amelia’s mother left.
“Prick…” Amelia said to herself when she heard her father’s car start. She stood up from her chair, marched up to her room, and got into her school uniform. She’d never liked to have to wear a school uniform. For one thing, the skirt went too far above her knees, which she really hated. Furthermore, the long-sleeved top had small shoulder pads, and she had to wear a tie. All of these things were real peeves to her. Several times in the past she had used her embroidery skills to alter it, but the teachers didn’t take it too well, and she was suspended every time.
At her school, which was ironically called St. Bernard Private School, no relation to her father, she barely managed to park in the clustered lot behind the main building. Once she did, she trekked up the long steps to the back entrance. A few male students who were clearly delinquents, seeing as they didn’t wear their uniform jackets, whistled and whooped as they saw Amelia run up the stairs as if she were a walking in a strip joint in the city. She was able to ignore them for the time being, but they had been doing it for two months straight, and it was starting to piss her off. There was, however, a lesson Amelia learned from them: parents with money can get their kids into almost any school, no matter how stupid said children are.
“Amelia! Hey!” A girl called as she ran up to Amelia. The other student wore the same black and brown uniform as her, but was much taller with dark brown hair cut very short.
Amelia said with a lazy wave to her friend, “What’s up, Jacky?”
The tall girl stopped in front of Amelia, panting from her mad dash over, and said, “What happened to you and Nathan last night? You left the group without telling us!”
Even though Amelia was feeling bad about being grounded by her father, Jacky bringing up the little incident last night made her feel even worse. “Ugh… I don’t want to talk about it, Jacky.” She put a hand on her head as if she had a headache.
“Why? What happened?”
“… I’ll be breaking up with him when I see him today…”
“What? But it looked like you two were having so much fun at the diner last night! What the hell happened after you left?”
Amelia paused for a moment before saying, “He took me to… a love hotel…”
“Wha--?” Jacky began to yell, but caught herself and said quietly, “He what?”
“He took me to a tacky love hotel. I was completely overwhelmed as he took me there. I had no idea what to expect-- it just kind of happened.”
“You mean you--?”
“No, we didn’t do it.”
Jacky let out a huge sigh of relief. "So, you just told him off, and now you're in a fight?"
Amelia shook her head and continued. “I took a shower, leaving him in the room. When I came out…”
Jacky didn’t say anything for a few seconds, waiting for her friend to continue.
“There was another person in the room, and Nathan was gone…”
After a few seconds, Jacky’s face contorted into anger and she shouted, “I’m gonna kill that bastard!”
“Jacky?”
“Just wait ‘till I get my hands on him! I’ll rip out his tongue just to shove it back down his throat!”
“Jacky! Calm down! Hey!” Amelia grabbed Jacky’s arm before she could do any damage to the immediate area around them.
“What’s wrong with kicking an ass hole’s ass?”
“Just stop, okay? I’m not in the mood right now…” Jacky stared at her friend in surprise. Amelia had always stood there and laughed whenever she went on one of her rampages. It always seemed to cheer both of them up, but… perhaps now wasn’t the time. Amelia looked down at the tile floor and said, “We should get to class now… I’ll see you at lunch…” She walked towards the classroom down the hall with her head hung low and her hair shadowing her eyes.
“Amelia…”
----------------------------------
And writer's block in three... two... one... AAAGH!! *headdesk*
I guess that I went a bit overboard with the punctuation, but I've seen it done in several books, so I thought that it was okay. I'll make a [s]few[/s] lot of corrections and get to work on the next chapter. So, yes. There's much more to come. Thanks for the critique.
Green = Comment/Correction
Blue = Suggestion
Black = Review
*
Needs to be a capital I.
Previously you used ‘bellboy’, without a space, you should continue here.
Replace that comma with a period.
‘inbetween’ = in between
Maybe just: she joked
^^^ See quote
Period needed there.
^^^ See quote
Eek! Never use question and exclamation mark together!
Again, see quote.
You seem to have changed point-of-view from Craig to the girl. And it should only be one question mark.
*dies* No, not so many exclamation marks!
Another place where you only need the one.
Change ‘were’ to ‘was’, or just take it out.
‘laid’ = lay
*
Here I was thinking he would see her again. Nice ending though.
There were times when you changed point-of-view, throughout it is Craig’s eyes we see this world through, a couple of times you can to the girl.
You also have quite a few typos, and those awful question/exclamation marks. Otherwise quite enjoyable, I don’t usually venture in this part of the forum, I guess I should try more often.
Is there more? I’d like to read it if there is.
-- Myth
Chapter 2: Amelia Regenen
"'Who the hell am I?'" the girl echoed at Craig. "I just got this room for my boyfriend and me! How dare you walk in here!" She backed up into the bathroom and slammed the door. "Nathan! Who is he?" There were sounds of clothes being slipped on inside.
"Oh, for God's sake..." Craig mumbled to himself with a hand on his face. He walked to the closed bathroom door and yelled angrily into it, "Who're you talking to? I'm the only one here!"
There was a gasp from the other side of the door. The girl burst out of the bathroom door, knocking him out of the way rather forcibly with the door, wearing a long black skirt and white sweater. "No goddamn way would he--" She looked around the room, but only saw Craig's jacket laid on the bed and the cigarette packet on top of it. The girl fell to her knees, staring at the empty room with disbelief in her eyes. "Oh my God... Nathan left me here...?" A feeling of loss crept up within her upper body as it she were freezing from the inside, and she wrapped her arms around her waist in an attempt to make it go away.
Craig got up from the floor, holding his head in pain. A bump was about to form on his forehead where the skin had already turned red. He sighed in annoyance and said, "I take it this Nathan guy is... was your boyfriend?"
She turned towards him with teary eyes and said with a stutter, "Y-yeah..." The girl apparently no longer cared that a complete stranger was in her room. She was holding back her tears quite efficiently, but Craig could easily tell. Kind of like with the makeup thing-- it's the same principle, really.
He walked over to where he stood before and picked up the put-out cigarette. After he threw it in the trash, he took another out of the packet. All the while, the girl gently sobbed on the floor. "Your ex-boyfriend is the worst kind of person. He wants to break up with you, but couldn't bring himself to see you cry, and doesn't go through with a breakup. So instead, he asked you to come here with him so that he could at least have sex with you, but in the end, he chickens out and runs away. It's almost efficient, if you think about it. He doesn't have to see you cry or tell you directly what's up... but he has no consideration for you."
The sobbing only grew louder, and she had her hands covering her eyes and rubbing away the tears. "Nathan... Nathan...!"
Craig looked at her and shouted with so much force that she seemed to be pushed back, "Quit crying already! He was a complete ass hole! I haven't even met the guy and I already hate his guts! You should be happy that he left you!" The girl had a sudden confusion that swept over her. Who is this guy again? She thought to herself.
She wiped her tears away with her sweater sleeve and asked, "Who are you, anyway? And why are you making judgments on our relationship?"
"Wow, are you really so dense as to think that you still have a relationship with him?" Craig scratched the back of his head and stared at her with his eyes half-closed. He then began puffing the cigarette that hung from his lips as if to taunt her.
"Sh-shut up!" She stood up and hurled her hand towards Craig's face. Before she could make contact with his cheek, he grabbed her wrist. She tried to pull herself away from him, but to no avail. For an instant, their eyes connected. It didn’t seem like an instant, though. It felt more like days instead of seconds. During the time their eyes stayed in contact, however, neither of them could sense any anger from the other. Until…
"Why are you mad at me?"
She snapped out of it and yelled, "You keep saying bad things about me and Nathan!"
"You're mad at me for telling the truth?"
"It's not the truth!"
"Well, the truth does hurt sometimes. It‘s no wonder you‘re not taking it so--"
"It's not the truth!"
"Man, you're real choosy about the reality you accept, aren't you?" Craig leaned in close to her face and looked her straight in the eyes. "Now, go home." He pushed her wrist away, and plopped down on the armchair that was positioned behind him, a small cloud of dust cascading out of it as he did so.
"Go home? It's pouring outside!"
"It always is." He said matter-of-factly.
"I'll get drenched in these clothes! Sweaters aren't exactly water-proof, you jerk!"
"So? Just get drenched. It feels good every once in awhile."
She yelled some incoherent language that not even God knew, and shouted, "Why don't you go home?"
Craig looked up at her and said seriously, "Haven't you ever considered that some people have no home to go to?"
She gasped, and looked down at the floor in shame. "I-I'm sorry... You're homeless...?"
"No, but in this city, it's always nice to consider it when asking someone to go home." He chuckled a little at his joke. The girl was silent; simply staring at Craig in absolute disbelief. "By the way, what's your na--"
"Ohhhhh! Will you just piss off already?! You have at least have an apartment, don't you?!" She raised her fists into the air in frustration.
"You keep interrupting me… But yeah, I have an apartment. I'm just neglecting to go back tonight."
"Then stop neglecting! Get out already!"
Craig blew some smoke out of his mouth, and some out of his nose. The smoke from his cigarettes started to make the room stuffy, as if a light fog was cast around his corner of the room. "Listen, just tell me your name, okay?"
She seemed to be caught a little off-guard. That's a random question, She thought. Her voice's volume went down, and she lowered her arms. "If I tell you, will you leave?"
"I won't make any guarantees, but..." He smirked at her.
She looked at him suspiciously and said, "Fine. My name's Amelia. Amelia Regenen."
"I'm Craig Selva. Pleasure to belatedly make your acquaintance." He puffed out another cloud of smoke.
"Whatever…" There was a long silence between them with nothing but Craig's puffs of smoke. The stench didn't seem to bother Amelia; she must've been used to it.
He casually blew the last puff of smoke straight ahead and asked, "So, are you going to go home now?"
She threw her arms towards him as if to hit him, "Oh my God! How stupid are you?!"
"I don’t see any reason why you can’t just leave, yourself."
"I'll get drenched! I told you that!"
Craig groaned and put out his cigarette in the ash tray that sat on the bedside table. "You rain-hating people really annoy me."
"What do you mean 'rain-hating?' The hell is that supposed to mean?"
"The kind of people who always say things like, ‘Damn, it‘s raining again, isn‘t it?” As if it‘s an inconvenience. When was the last time you‘ve gotten absolutely drenched in the rain?" Amelia stared at him as if he just told her something odd--which he did, he just didn't think so. “Exactly! You don’t know how great it feels to have your clothes saturated with water. Rain also gives birth to plants, makes lakes, rivers, oceans, etcetera, etcetera.” Amelia thought, Wait, how many different tangents is he going on, now? “Without rain, you get no food. Without rain, you die. Without rain, there is no possible way that life can exist.” So what if she thought he was a spaz, that didn’t change the fact that he truly believed in what he was saying.
"You..." Amelia said as she picked up her purse from the dresser, "... are the weirdest, most idiotic person I've ever met." She walked towards the door with her fists clenched.
Craig watched her leaving, surprised that his little scheme worked, and said, "Wait a sec!"
She stopped and turned around, her eyes glaring straight at him with the kind of hate only seen in the movies. Horror movies. The kind that are actually scary. "What?"
“Why do you hate the rain so much?”
Amelia thought about it for a moment before she said, “It just keeps coming down on you, and you can’t get away from it.” She didn’t know if that was a good answer, but she said it, anyway.
Craig leaned towards her in his chair and said slyly, “How is it any different from that shower you just took?”
“What…?”
“If anything, the rain is better, because you’re usually not naked while you’re outside.”
Amelia was about to laugh, but she caught herself by putting a hand over her mouth. “I still don’t like the rain…”
Craig sighed and said with annoyance, "If you hate the rain so damn much, then go ahead and take my trench coat." He motioned his hand towards his yet-to-dry coat, which lay at the foot of the bed.
After a few seconds of contemplation, she tromped over to it, snatched it off the bed, and tromped back to the door.
He called after her, "You'd better return that, you know!"
"Like hell I will! I'll never see you again, anyway!" As she closed the door behind herself, she said quietly, so quiet that Craig could barely hear her, "Thanks..."
Craig stared tiredly at the door as she left. He got up, and flipped the bedside lamp off. Well, that was amusing... He thought to himself as he looked up at the ceiling with his arms resting on either side of himself on the chair's armrests. I wonder if I'll see her again? That'd sure to be entertaining! A smile spread across his face, and he crossed his legs and laced his hands behind his head in preparation for a relaxing night. He was indeed ready to get a good night sleep. With his favorite song, the pitter-patter of rain, playing all night.
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The next day, Craig left that God-forsaken little adventure of a hotel and back on the streets. After wandering around, he bought a hot dog from a stand, and called it breakfast. While on his way home, he once again found himself aimlessly walking through the streets in the opposite direction in which he went yesterday. That day, however, everything seemed drastically different to him. Even though he had a good night's sleep, his eyes felt like they were on fire just from looking ahead. Despite being coat-less, he was actually warm.
He stared up at the sky with his eyes partly sealed shut, and put a hand on his furrowed brow to shade his eyes. "Since when does the sun come out here?" The streets were absolutely littered with confused, happy, and surprised people. They stared up at the clear blue skies with awe and a strange feeling of relief. It was as if it were an annual festival to celebrate the one day in the year the sun came out. Craig could even hear some people singing off in the distance. They were several bass-singing men from a bar that he walked by often. He recalled it being called "Hideaway" or something along those lines. They sang something about sunlight and rain going away. Don't get him wrong, it was quite nice, but Craig let out a deep sigh and said to himself, "... They're off-key..." A small smile snuck onto his lips, and he began to walk home-- this time, for real.
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I hope that you liked this chapter. (And yes, there is more. I plan to make it into a short novel.)
Thanks for the compliments, BrokenSword. I was worried that this wouldn't get off the ground, but I think it will now. I'll post the second chapter in a bit.
Wow! This is amazing, I love your writing. It's crisp, refreshing, and I can see everything that is described. I can't find anything to critique. Just this little bit right here:
I would change to "Craig said quickly, uncaring." It flows better.
Excellent work! Can't wait for the next chapter.