Kimmy! Vegas! Yay! You wrote a poem together and it was great! I'm just here to review it
Several times throughout the poem, you capitalized the second part of a phrase, like,
A small girl
Is full of pain
but other times, you kept it lowercase, like,
A small girl
is hurting on the inside
I support whatever stylistic choice you make, but try and keep one consistent.
A small girl
is full of this sorrow and pain,
but wants it to go away
Try changing the 'but' to an 'and'. I mean, there are very few people who would find this a surprise, that the girl wanted the 'sorrow and pain' to go away.
Kimmy and Vegas, creator and member of the Depression Club. Oh goodness. I write poems like this all the time, really dark and depressed, but when I see someone else's, I automatically feel this urge to comfort them. Either of you, just shoot me a PM if you ever need to talk. Ever. This was really moving, you both keep writing poetry, okay? This was great
Saru
Points: 1435
Reviews: 57
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